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Is it okay to be non-binary AND male??

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Adamaniac, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. Adamaniac

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    Just for starters, I was assigned female at birth. However, for my entire life, I've never felt like a girl. But as a kid I never felt like I was fully a guy either. I did constantly want to be one of the guys, socially and physically, which kinda added to my confusion.

    Now that I'm older, I'm starting to get a basis on what I actually feel. For once I'm not ignoring my feelings, and I'm not forcing them either.

    The thing is, a few months ago, I made the conclusion that I was a trans guy. Out of all the identities, that one seemed to fit the most, but it wasn't perfect. That's where the whole forcing thing came into play and I made myself think I needed to feel like some big macho man on the inside.

    When I got too uncomfortable with that, I told myself I was non binary and again forced ideas that I couldn't feel any gender at all, and it wasn't right.

    Recently, however, I tried to let go of the stress of everything, and I came to a much better conclusion. Basically, I feel as if I'm like 60% nonbinary, and 40% male. I don't feel fully male, and the rest of my gender identity is just a squiggle; like it's nothing.

    I'm just not sure whether that's okay? Is it okay to say I feel male AND nonbinary? Is there a better term to describe the two together? Because I feel that saying I'm just male or just nonbinary isn't right.

    But at the same time I'm pretty loose with labels, so I wouldn't mind telling people (who aren't close friends, at least) that I'm just male. As long as I know who I am, I'm perfectly okay with whatever they choose to call by, whether that be he/him or they/them.

    That also kinda fits with the fact that I look and want to present as male. Which brings me to another question. Is it okay/am I allowed to still go on testosterone even if I'm not fully a trans guy? Do I need to tell my therapist/doctor that I feel 100% male to even be allowed testosterone?

    I'm still somewhat new to all this so if anyone has any suggestions it'd be a great help.
     
  2. EverDeer

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    Yes! This is all absolutely fine and also there are no specifications for wanting to transition- no matter what kind of transgender you are your personal transition should be custom tailored to YOU hahah. Most doctors will allow you testosterone because you are still on the transgender spectrum and there's no right way to do it. Personally it sounds to me like you just feel like a "male presenting" nonbinary person- meaning that if it came down to it and you had to be shoehorned into a binary gender, it would be male. Also, demiboy is a gender that by definition means "a partial identification with the male gender, but not entirely". I personally use demigender along with genderflux to mean that I feel a partial connection to male and female, but also fluctuate with having no gender as well. If you tell your doctor that you are transgender, they will recommend you to a psychologist and specialist after that whom you can tell your full feelings to and they will help you figure out how to customize your transition in a way hahah. There's no right or wrong way of being trans!
     
  3. denouement

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    I have heard some people use the term 'trans masculine' to describe themselves. It seems to imply maleness, but not 100% male. You could also say something like 'nonbinary guy' (as opposed to 'trans guy').
    I'm sure there are other terms as well if neither of those works.

    And of course it's okay to go on testosterone if you're not fully a trans guy. If you google 'nonbinary transition' there are a lot of videos and blogs that come up of nonbinary folks who are on hormones. For example there's a blog called 'neutrois nonsense' where the author has written a lot about their transition, including going on testosterone. And afaik, you shouldn't have to tell your doctor you feel 100% male.
     
    #3 denouement, Oct 21, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
  4. AaronV

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    That's definitely ok! I have a friend who feels sorta similar to you. I think he identifies as genderflux. Which means the intensity of him feeling male varies over time, he never feels 100% male though but doesn't mind he/him pronouns and passing as male. He's on T so that's definitely possible. There might be therapists out there who think you have to be strictly binary to go on hormones but a lot of therapists have become more open minded over time.
     
  5. Tardis221B

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    Its definitely okay! I'm sort of a mix of non-binary and trans guy myself. I know quite a few other trans people who identify in similar ways as well.

    For me I feel like a guy- mostly, but then not all at time. I use the umbrella term of non-binary to describe my gender more often than man because I don't feel comfortable with that binary constriction of identity.

    My gender is fluid, and at times I feel more male and other times I feel more non-binary, but its always some swirly combination of the two. Sort of like a pale blue and yellow swirled marble dotted with little flowers.



    I'm not on HRT so take what I say here with a grain of salt:

    As far as testosterone is concerned, I think it probably depends on your doctor and how much they know about transgender/non binary identities. If you think the doctor might not approve you unless you fit into the binary stereotype of identity, you can always talk about how you don't feel female and how you aren't female, emphasizing that the discomfort you feel with your body has been consistent over a extended period of time. And then explain how HRT would help you feel more comfortable with your body and identity. That way, if the doc only thinks in terms of the binary gender, they'll probably assume male as your gender.

    ^At least that is how I would likely approach it.


    I hope this helped. You are valid and you aren't alone.
     
    #5 Tardis221B, Oct 22, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
  6. Nightdream

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    You could be a demiguy, maybe? It's very close to how you described. If it doesn't feel right, genderqueer might be a better fit for you as it means that you have a gender identity that doesn't fall inside other "boxes". Transmasculine might work for you too. There are possibilities that you could be a trans man since not every guy feel like a macho man all the time or maybe another non-binary identity. You can call yourself a non-binary man if it describes your feelings better too.