My life right now.

Well, things are going a little better for me right now. I've got some weight off my shoulders, one one the biggest things being my road test. I passed my road test on Monday with a score of ten. You need less than 30 to pass, so that'd good. It took me two tries but I got it. Now I'm just waiting on somethings and I'll have my car soon. Still gotta learn stick though, which might be tough. Besides that, more college stuff. My sister told me on Friday that my mom said (to her) that she didn't care where I went for school anymore as long as I got away from my dad. Which I assume meant that she's worried about how my dad will react to me being Trans. To be honest, she doesn't handle anything well either, but she knows my dad would explode if he found out. I also got into an argument with my sister about apartments vs dorms and she kept saying that no one would rent to me, that I could never afford it, I'd never survive, the distance may be a problem, I'd have to pay for food, it'd be too expensive, etcetera. Which makes sense I guess, although I'm confident that I can survive on my own. I've been doing it mentally for years, so I think I've had some good practice. Another problem is my car. I want to go to school in California, that's no secret. I currently live in New York. See the problem? No matter where I go, I want to bring my car with me. And my parents say no. They say that it's too far away and that I'm not driving that. Literally, they can't come up with a better excuse than it's too far and they don't want me doing it. I get it, but seriously. I need the car and I have proven that I can drive. I don't see why it would be a problem other than expenses like gas and hotels and food. But I think we can pay for that. I can even sleep in the bloody car to save money. But that's a whole other argument in it's self. And again people are grilling me about how I needto stay home for two years and then I can go somewhere else. Oh, I can go to plenty of nice schools here. It'll be better for me. NOPE. It's very frustrating, especially since I can't tell them all my reasons and motives for wanting to go to college in California. I want to get out of my one and leave the nest, one. I want to get away from my family and community that has caused me so much pain and misery, two. I want to go where the film industry is to study film, three. I don't want to be an electrician or an engineer or an architect like everyone keeps saying to be, four. I want a liberal college in a liberal state, five. California is the best place for LGBT people (supposedly) and that's a big reason right there, six. I want to start my own life after college, seven. I want to be free, eight. I want to start all over, nine. I will not live on a leash for the rest of my life, ten. There's probably a lot more I can't think of at the moment as well. I can't stand this life I'm forced to live. My parents and everyone else in my life all say that they do more work than everyone else and that they deserve more and that they're tired of life. Everybody cares only about themselves and blames everyone but themselves for everything. It's annoying. They all claim that they do more than the rest, they deserve more than the rest, they work harder than the rest, that certain people are superior to the rest. I just want to split off on my own path, and separate myself from all the people dragging me down. Why is this so difficult to understand? I want to leave. Get it through your heads, let me live my life and quit trying to make me into something I don't want to be. I want to transition in a place where I'm safe from my past and I can make a future for myself. I want to go somewhere where I can be myself, make my own choices, live on my own, and feel safe. It's not selfish, it's not greedy, it's not stupid. It's life. I want my own life, not a continuation or extention of somebody else's. I especially don't want to live a scripted life. Why is this so hard to understand? Why is this such an argument? Why do I have to fight an uphill battle to gain my freedom when it's supposedly already mine? Ugh....I'm confused and tired. I want to go to bed. If anyone has any advice, then feel free to post. There are no stupid answers. Anything would help at this point.

:dry: :bang: :help: :tears: :tantrum: :eusa_doh: :***: :icon_sad: :icon_redf <3

PS: My phone is derping, so I'm sorry if there's typos and stuff. I don't get it, my phone just decided to be weird. Oh well.

 

Thanks for the reply. I do honestly feel trapped where I am. I can't be myself here, it's not safe. I need a fresh start in life. I just wish I could be who I am now without any problems or negative consequences, but that just can't happen. My parents, family, friends and acquaintances, family friends (etc), random people, all say that I need to stay home and study here. I can do everything I want to do after I go to college and after I have a stable career. I'm personally tired of hearing this, and the old "You should be an engineer, an electrician, a carpenter, an architect, a mechanic, a doctor, a lawyer" etcetera. Everybody says these are food careers that will make me money and make me happy, but it's not what I want. I'm tired of people telling me how to live my life. Sometimes I think I'll never get to live my own life, to make my own future, to achieve complete happiness.

I do have questions about the state I'd like to ask, and if you know anything about some of the schools I want to apply to that'd be great. But I'd have to get back to you, since it's late and I may be busy the next couple days . But thanks for the advice. <3 ♡ ^-^

(*hug*)