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Bigender/androgyne - how do you express it?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Oct 30, 2016.

  1. Mihael

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    I'm curious... I think I identify as both, but I am not sure how to live and not feel conflicted. How do you go about it? How do you express you gender? Are you one gender to one group of people and a different to others? Do you do it with clothes? Do you blend everything into one? Do you transition? Are you happy? Do you think it's possible? Do you make it work? What works for you?
     
  2. Smores

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    Have you ever heard of Snailords? They are a bi-gender individual who does webcomics and has a few youtube videos where they dress as both genders. They also include some webcomics about it in their comic Snailology.
     
  3. Synesthesia

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    How do you express you gender? I don't really, I'm not out. Tried to explain it to my brother but he hasn't fully understood. I don't correct people who use certain pronouns etc.

    Are you one gender to one group of people and a different to others? Sort of, I'm out on another website. But most people there don't get it either of course.

    Do you do it with clothes? Sometimes in a sense, I mostly wear somewhat androgynous female clothes though and unless I'm going out (which is rarely,) I just wear whatever... I have unisex clothing too.

    Do you blend everything into one? Dunno, probably. I just rarely wear very feminine outfits but if I did I'd wear a completely feminine outfit not mix and match no.

    Do you transition? Don't plan to for various reasons. I'd probably be happier if I was male sexed.

    Are you happy? No

    Do you think it's possible? Not sure, just making do. Sometimes I feel happier than others. I think there's always going to be some level of conflict though. It's inevitable with a dual identity, I think.

    Do you make it work? I wouldn't say my current situation is making it work by any means..
     
    #3 Synesthesia, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  4. Mihael

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    Exactly. That's what I'm thinking about it now... With bisexuality it's exactly the same thing, although probably less disturbing, because my masculine identity is stronger than feminine, yet not in a way that would make me want to have a different body. It's just this strange feeling that was so hard for me to comprehend, and that was screaming from the bottom of my soul. Whispering to me. Calling me. Day. And night. Especially in the night. Appearing everywhere. Offering me interpretations. Ingrianed in my brain like a scar. Fixed into my eyes, ears, filtering reality.

    I'm not sure if I can be happy at all though. If I followed my heart, I'm sure I would die young. I'm not talking about irresponsibility. I'm talking about affinity for risk, risk, and risk only, makes me feel alive. To my bad luck. Some people are meant to be unhappy, I think.

    I constantly see it. I'm always in that state of suffering, ever since the beginning of puberty, and there's no way out, probably as long as I don't anwser the calling to be a Viking warrior :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I hope you get what I mean at least vaguely.
     
  5. Hats

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    I'm curious... I think I identify as both, but I am not sure how to live and not feel conflicted. How do you go about it? How do you express you gender?

    I have certain hoodies designed for teenage girls (due to size and design issues) which look overtly feminine. One of them has “Batgirl” written across the front to make it harder for me to deny I’m a girl inside. I also try not to repress my feminine responses in conversations if I feel inclined to say “girly” things or interact in a female way. Not in a camp way, but in a naturally female way. This isn’t easy but it’s healthier in the long run.

    Are you one gender to one group of people and a different to others?

    Yes. On EC I identify as a bigenderfluid girl. In real life I’m out to some as a genderfluid person who is male most of the time. In the end, though, I think I need to have some places where I can be entirely female and some places where I can be entirely male and be treated accordingly in each, like this fluid child: http://www.advocate.com/transgender...old-makes-history-steel-country-football-team

    Do you do it with clothes? Do you blend everything into one?

    Somewhat. My wardrobe is slowly gaining more feminine items. I don’t have any dresses yet – I tend to stick to tops and things which aren’t so undeniably female, but which give a feminine touch to an otherwise masculine combination. With some people I also use a unisex name which is (these days) more commonly given to girls, but was originally a rare diminutive of my birth given name. I’m considering using a properly female name when I’m a girl and a male/unisex name when I’m a boy but there are various practical problems with this approach. I’m growing my hair out to shoulder length. Ideally I’d have a haircut which looks female but which can be swept up into a more masculine look when I feel male. Still, I’ve never had long hair before and I look forward to French braiding and other non-masculine forms of hair styling. :slight_smile:

    Do you transition?

    No. If I did I would always feel rubbish when I felt male instead of sometimes rubbish when I’m female. It’s simply not reasonable, and I like the body I have in any event. It does what it’s meant to, and the lack of breasts is a bonus – if I had them it would be much harder to look male.

    Are you happy? Do you think it's possible?

    Yes, I do and I’m mostly happy now simply because that’s how I’m made. It’ll take me a while to be fully comfortable – I’m currently getting help to deal with some of the negative feelings when I have my worst shifts, but I think sooner or later there will be some kind of reconciliation with myself. I’m not saying my shifts will ever stop, but they may not hurt as much in the future. In the meantime, I haven’t quite got over this feeling of being too girlish to be a boy but too boyish to be a girl. It’s like a double dose of imposter syndrome.

    Do you make it work? What works for you?
    I’m getting there.
     
    #5 Hats, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  6. Synesthesia

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    Yeah I get you I think. Although I also have issues with my body but still feel some attachment to mine.. Just wish I had the parts I needed when I needed them at least. I dunno. Still waiting on magic.

    That's a great way of describing it I think, I feel similarly often.
     
    #6 Synesthesia, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016