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Genderfluid or Trans-Woman in denial?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ostrichesareok, Oct 30, 2016.

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  1. ostrichesareok

    ostrichesareok
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Springfield, VA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Lately (within the last couple months) I've learned about Gender Identities and now have really been questioning my own. Since I was young, I enjoyed pretending I was a girl or woman and it always felt like some sort of release to pretend that I had long hair, wore makeup, etc. I even pretended I was a female teacher all the time in elementary school. That being said, as I got older, I kind of didn't wish as much to be a woman. I still would fantasize about it and often still pretend that I had long sexy hair that I could show off and have a slender female body, but I would embrace my masculine features and grew out a beard that I really enjoy. I also have cut my hair short that used to be long and really like it. In addition, I get a real pleasure when people call me "man" or if I think about becoming some powerful manager in the future. It's so weird. I don't understand if that is just me in denial or if I'm Genderfluid. I don't really know anyone else with my experiences so I don't want to put any labels on me. In addition, I identify as Homosexual as I only have ever experienced sexual feelings towards male. That being said, I have had emotional attractions to people of all genders and sometimes view myself acting in almost all possible ways (as a straight man to a woman, a gay man towards another man, and a straight woman towards a man). I still fantasize about transitioning, but was wondering too if maybe I'd be happy just expressing that female side of me on the side as it seemed like when I pretended and had that release of the female feeling it was very satisfying and I felt complete and just human.
     
    #1 ostrichesareok, Oct 30, 2016
  2. Kasey

    Kasey
    Full Member

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    Location:
    The Commonwealth of Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You said you like to be seen as "man" and don't seem to dislike being perceived that way but also like the idea of being feminine. I would say genderfluid or something. Trans women would never want to be called "man" or complimented on facial hair (outside of the lack of it I guess...)
     
    #2 Kasey, Oct 30, 2016
  3. BrookeVL

    BrookeVL
    Full Member

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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes. Trans women don't want to be seen as male. I have not begun to transition yet, and being seen as male all the time causes discomfort for me. Sometimes it's very mild, others severe, but it's always there.

    I had a beard for a while, cause everyone convinced me I should grow one and I convinced myself too, plus I'm lazy and not having to shave was nice. I shaved it off recently, because it was causing me too much pain(dysphoria), and a couple people at work commented that I should grow it back. One girl said "Grow it back, you look like a teenager. You're supposed to be a man. " That ruined my whole day, I almost cried.

    You definitely don't sound MtF to me, but maybe genderqueer or something.
     
    #3 BrookeVL, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  4. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    It is quite possible to be genderfluid. I was that way for a few years due to the fact that I just wanted to fit in as a guy. I did everything I could think of to portray one. But at the same time I could be very femme, and I didn't mind that either. During that time I identified as male and straight. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized that I felt so much more clear headed when I was femme, to the point that I started to "cross dress as a female" The peace of mind I received from being acknowledge as a woman was so soothing and I realized that while I had to "try" to be male, I didn't need to try to be female. I just was.

    I hope that helps (*hug*)
     
    #4 Rachyl, Oct 30, 2016
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