Is it real?

I am a 14 year old biological female who, for the past 10 months, has come to the conclusion that they want to be a boy. But the problem is, is that I don't know if what I feel is what it is like to be actually trans. I don't know if it is real enough to ask my parents for boy's clothes and a binder. I know that my mother will want me to explain because she doesn't quite understand what it is like to be transgender, and I don't know if I can do that. I don't want to mislead her.

I have always been what you could consider to be a tomboy. When I was little, I would always play the boy in roleplay games (I actually can't recall a time when I didn't). I had almost all boy toys, and was happiest when my Star Wars sheets were on my bed. I gave up my girl bike to get one that had yellow and red flames without a second thought. It was my favorite. But this toned down when I asked my friend if we could go upstairs when her family came home, and she responded with, "Why? Because then you can take off your shirt like a boy? No." in a very judgmental tone (the true reason was because I didn't feel comfortable around her family yet, but when I told her this she didn't believe me). Since then and up until the end of 7th grade, I never wore feminine clothes unless I was forced to. But recently, I have been dressing myself up more due to being in denial.

But even with all those clues for me being trans, there's still this doubt. Ever since I went through this very long episode of depression, I have associated pure happiness with inspiration for writing, and lately with the feeling of masculinity. I'll watch boys with this crush-like want because I want to be them. I was once accidentally called my father's son, and I was freaking out over it for the next few days. It felt wonderful.

But I can't figure out if this is just me clinging onto something that makes me happy, if this is something that I really want because of what it really is. Like, I really want the flat chest and bulge and pronouns and everything. But do I try for it now when I'm just getting out of denial?