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Half in, half out

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kal, Nov 1, 2016.

  1. Kal

    Kal
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    Sometimes you back yourself into a corner in conversation where you have to refer to yourself by your birth assigned gender...because you aren't fully out. At least, I'm not at work so for all intents and purposes, I'm female to them and my birth name is used.

    I hate it. And I hate that I'm known by thousands of people at work. I hate how public this coming out is going to be.

    Who else has to misgender themselves or refer to their birth name? It sucks.
     
  2. Tracy23

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    All the time. As a military member who has not yet even begun HRT, I will have to use my assigned gender and birth name until a military doctor deems my treatment "complete" (meaning stable in my preferred gender), possibly a few years from now.
     
  3. BrookeVL

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    Constantly. I'm not out at all really, aside a couple friends, so I have to use my birth name and male pronouns. At least until I do come out...

    It hurts at times, but mostly just causes some discomfort.

    ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2016 at 12:14 PM ----------

    Constantly. I'm not out at all really, aside a couple friends, so I have to use my birth name and male pronouns. At least until I do come out...

    It hurts at times, but mostly just causes some discomfort.
     
  4. Kodo

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    Yes, unfortunately.

    I was more half in, half out a year ago. I'd come out to my school and was referred to by male pronouns and preferred name in one class. Even joined the GSA. But after I came out to the parents, I had to go back under for a while. Now I am only seen in public as female because I can't present how I'd like, as well as by my family.

    Now the only place I can be myself, apart from my mind, is here at EC.

    It's tough, but you'll get through it. Just imagine when you are out fully and on T, all the splendid years being seen as a man. It will payoff. Every transperson has to go through this awkward phase as a part of our second puberty.
     
  5. Kal

    Kal
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    It's like every time someone says or even yourself says your birth name or "she", your voice in your head screams "HEEEEEEE". I have a meeting with HR this week to ask about support in coming out and then I'm speaking to my mum. Once all that's ticked off, I'm signing my deed poll and using my new name!!!! I will be Kal. I will be a he. I will have a fucking awesome goddamn beard.

    ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2016 at 12:30 PM ----------

    Stay strong my friend.

    ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2016 at 12:31 PM ----------

    Do you get that thing where it almost makes you wince? Like, when it's cold out and you feel that cold air when you open the front door.
     
  6. BrookeVL

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    It's not so much that reaction, it's more like a lump in my throat feeling. But I know what you mean, probably the same feeling just manifests in different ways.
     
  7. Matto_Corvo

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    I am not out at school, ecept to members of the LGBT club (which got disbanded).

    So most people will yell out " HEY (birth name)". But then there are times when I talking to someone I have a class with and a guy will go "Hey, Ryan" as they pass. And I have to either ignore them, or say hi then tell the other person that its just an inside joke.

    Its horrible. I get anxiety about being called either name in public. Like birth name causes me to feel disappointed, and Ryan causes me to feel anxious and a bit afraid that someone will figure it out, and I do not want a confrontation at school.