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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 02:14 PM   #1
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Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Hi!

So I've considered myself to be trans for a while now but I continually doubt it due to the fact that I don't hate my genitals.

The whole reason I consider myself to be trans is that I want to be a girl. I love everything about it, the clothes, the genitals, the everything. If I could change into the girl I want to be right now I would. But then again, I don't exactly hate my current male body.

I've heard so many stories of people hating their genitals, yet I don't really hate mine, I just have a disconnect to them. It doesn't truly feel like they're mine, but I don't really hate them.

So, does this line up with being trans?/Is this is thing that some trans people feel?

Thanks!

~Kelly xx
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 02:17 PM   #2
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

th shortest answer is yes, the sense of disconnect and awkwardness might be all you feel.

For me what makes me feel wrong at times is how they invalidate me as a girl, not anything inherently about them to cause distress.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 02:23 PM   #3
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Yes! That's how I feel sometimes! I just feel they sort of, don't match with what I want to be, rather than doing directly against who I am.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 02:30 PM   #4
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

No you don't have to hate your genitals to be trans. Different trans people have varying levels of dysphoria to what's down there. I personally don't have much bottom dysphoria, but I undoubtedly do have gender dysphoria in general. And some trans folks have a lot of bottom dysphoria. It varies.

The disconnect is very natural and normal. It definitely "lines up" with being trans.

In general you don't have to feel what the rest of the vast majority of trans people feel to be valid in your dysphoria or gender feelings, because all of our experiences can be very different. Don't worry
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 02:59 PM   #5
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I definitely don't hate my genitals. I'm not a huge fan though and I'd rather have the other stuff. I think the only time I'm really dysphoric about my genitals is occasionally during sex, and definitely when thinking about reproductive organs.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 03:02 PM   #6
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Gender dysphoria isn't only hatred. It can be anything from discomfort to disconnection to hatred, and it can vary from mild to intense, or it can be absent entirely. Like the above poster said, everyone's experience of being trans is different. Just because what you feel doesn't line up with what it seems that the majority feel, doesn't make it any less of a valid experience or make you "less trans".

There are a lot of trans people who don't hate their genitals. Rather their genitals just make them uncomfortable or, like you, they feel disconnected from them, or they don't really care about their natal genitalia and only really notice the lack of their true gender's genitalia. Trans people who feel some form of genitals-related dysphoria make up the majority of trans people, from my experience, but those that completely and utterly hate their genitals aren't a majority.

As for me - sometimes I feel hate towards my current genitalia, but only when people use it to invalidate me as a man. Without other people's influence, I still feel uncomfortable with them, but my main focus is my lack of a penis because it's something I notice a lot.

That does make me wonder though... I tend to come across trans women who focus on their discomfort toward their natal genitalia, and trans men who focus on their discomfort with their lack of the correct genitalia (not all trans women/men mind you, it's just a trend I've noticed). I'm suddenly curious as to whether it's because vaginas are rather unnoticable and unfeelable unless you're actually touching down there but penises are very obvious and there all of the time.

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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 04:21 PM   #7
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I wouldn't think so. I don't think you have to hate anything, just maybe some sort of discomfort? I don't know. I know I hate mine and everything else.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 05:43 PM   #8
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I don't hate mine. I'm kind of uncomfortable with them. I don't want them the way they are. But there's no hate involved. Just grudgingly living with them and using ways of coping for now.

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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 05:57 PM   #9
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

How you experience dysphoria is different for everyone. I don't hate my genitals at all. I agree that if I could just wake up one day and be exactly how I sort of think I should be, I would go for it, but I understand the confines of the world we live in and technology and all that....so how I feel isn't worth all the time, energy, and expenses really as long as I can just learn to feel good about myself since I don't severely dislike any part of me for any extremely significant reason.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 06:04 PM   #10
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I'm thinking at your age, 15, it's not normal to hate your genitals at all. To be honest, it's all a very exciting, confusing time.

I'm 44 and don't hate mine but am transitioning. It simply comes down to the feeling you mentioned "If I could change into the girl I want to be right now, I would." That's how I feel. I want to be a guy. Period.

But be careful. "The girl I want to be right now"... Not "I want to be a girl". In transitioning, I have to accept I could end up being a bald guy or an ugly guy or aggressive, or, or...

At your age, be careful you don't make decisions based on the ideal girl you want to be in your head. There are no guarantees we get what we hope for. If you simply know you want to be a girl, that to me is trans. If you're enamoured with all that this image you have in your mind is, maybe you need to flesh it out some more.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 06:16 PM   #11
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I knew that I had my own vagina at the age of five, but I didn't realize that they were wrong until I was eight. Then after failing to fix myself, at age eight but I got caught. I never got the chance again until I was forty.
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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 08:57 PM   #12
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SystemGlitch View Post

That does make me wonder though... I tend to come across trans women who focus on their discomfort toward their natal genitalia, and trans men who focus on their discomfort with their lack of the correct genitalia (not all trans women/men mind you, it's just a trend I've noticed). I'm suddenly curious as to whether it's because vaginas are rather unnoticable and unfeelable unless you're actually touching down there but penises are very obvious and there all of the time.
I'm not a transguy, but I honestly didn't even know I had a vagina until I was about 10? I wonder if maybe I did know and just forgot or something? But I'm pretty sure I didn't.

I had some really weird thoughts about my genitalia actually (the bits I could see by glancing down, which wasn't much) like weird incorrect conclusions about what bits were and how I peed and stuff.

But I'm almost certain I didn't know I had a vagina until my mum explained sex and stuff when I was about 10 and I watched a video.

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Old 2nd Nov 2016, 09:49 PM   #13
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

You don't have to hate your genitals to be trans. Don't let anyone tell you that if you're not "trans enough", and if you don't fit into the typical trans narrative, then you're not a girl.

I think that you are a girl, and you know it.
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Old 3rd Nov 2016, 06:00 AM   #14
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

No. Dysphoria isn't hating certain body parts, hating them is a result of dysphoria (for trans people, obviously there are other things that can cause someone to hate their genitals).

And people experience dysphoria differently, and which body parts one gets more dysphoric about will vary person to person.
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Old 10th Nov 2016, 10:19 AM   #15
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

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Originally Posted by FurryDaFox View Post
Hi!

So I've considered myself to be trans for a while now but I continually doubt it due to the fact that I don't hate my genitals.

The whole reason I consider myself to be trans is that I want to be a girl. I love everything about it, the clothes, the genitals, the everything. If I could change into the girl I want to be right now I would. But then again, I don't exactly hate my current male body.

I've heard so many stories of people hating their genitals, yet I don't really hate mine, I just have a disconnect to them. It doesn't truly feel like they're mine, but I don't really hate them.

So, does this line up with being trans?/Is this is thing that some trans people feel?

Thanks!

~Kelly xx
Sometimes I feel the same way. I don't hate my genitals, I just feel like I should have different ones (so, like you were saying, a disconnect). I don't believe you have to hate your genitals to be trans. All transitions are different, just because what seems to be a majority of trans people hate their genitals, doesn't mean it is a requirement that you hate them in order to be trans.
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Old 10th Nov 2016, 05:11 PM   #16
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Mostly I don't hate them, per se, I just feel like I was supposed to have the other kind. It does depend though, I will have days where I do hate them, but most days just the disconnect.

Everyone feels differently and experiences dysphoria differently.
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Old 10th Nov 2016, 07:41 PM   #17
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

I dont enjoy referring to my genitals as one would a male's however I have no desire to change it. I am still a woman. (Well close enough, little non binary but that's complicated). I do not hate it unless I am having extreme dysphoria.

Basically, turns out only you know your gender. IF you feel female then your genitals dont matter be female.
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Old 11th Nov 2016, 04:08 AM   #18
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

Body Dysphoria, which is often experienced by trans people, is anxiety, depression, or disassociation with your body or certain parts of your body.

You don't need to hate any part of yourself to be trans.
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Old 11th Nov 2016, 06:33 AM   #19
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

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Originally Posted by ArtemisStrange View Post

Basically, turns out only you know your gender. IF you feel female then your genitals dont matter be female.
Exactly.
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Old 11th Nov 2016, 07:25 AM   #20
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Re: Do I have to hate my genitals to be trans?

You've described my experience. I don't hate my body, it's a fairly beautiful one and works absolutely fine though if it was my real gender it would be a huge upgrade.
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