Well last Thursday I had my college and career appointment at school and I am even more lost than ever. The counselor barely acknowledged my career choices and kept going on about how I need to apply to local schools because "applying to only schools in California basically guarantees" that I'm going to the local school which is ugh. I hate the local school with a passion, I never want to go there. And I told her that I want to study film and get away from home and start a new life. I also told her that I don't have a good relationship with my family and that I want to get away from them and I wanted a liberal school in a liberal place. She understood that much, but she mainly focused on what I need to do to get ready for college (recommendations, applications, etc.) and all that stuff and she kept pushing state and city schools. I only got 15 minutes and I feel like I didn't get half the answers I needed. And she kept saying that the schools I had on my list were very expensive and that the local schools were better for me price-wise, which wasn't true. All the schools on my list are cheaper or equal to the schools she kept pushing. I feel like all she wanted to do was talk me into going to schools I wanted nothing to do with. It was frustrating and slightly annoying. I tried to talk about scholarships and she just told me what I already knew. Overall, I don't think this meeting was very helpful. She said that going to California is going to plunge me into grievous debt and how I'd be paying off loans when I'm 40. Is it not going to be the same no matter what? I'm going to have loans regardless and I'm going to need multiple jobs in order to attempt to pay them off. In the end, she told me to check out a school that is nearly impossible for me to get into and is way more expensive than anything else I've been looking into. She basically shot down the idea of me going to California and tried to push all local schools. She toldeven that I could still apply to the schools I want but I should apply to local schools. I kept thinking about how I need to get away, I need a fresh start, I can't live with my family anymore I can't stand it, I need to go as far away as possible and this is trying to shoot me down. I also can't stop thinking about transition and how all my plans are falling apart. How can I transition if I'm forced to live at home, my parents harass me and make me miserable, and I'm stuck living the same life that had nearly destroyed me? It seems like my only chance to get away and be happy is being torn apart. I feel even more lost and confused than ever before. I feel like my world is falling. I will not wait until I'm 40 to have a life. I won't go with the flow anymore. My life will be a complete failure if I stay here. I refuse to let this happen. I need to get away, I need to leave. I need to find a safe place where I can live as myself and be happy. I can't be neutral anymore. I can't take it. I wanna break something, but I mostly want to cry. I feel so much pain already, and it just won't stop. When will it end? I can't handle this. :icon_sad: :bang: :icon_redf :help: :tears: </3 ;-; ^~^
Are there any other counselor possibilities in town or any other people who could know something helpful? ( I got the best advice from someone teaching us how to do an assessment center which is basically the opposite of studying so help can come from the most unexpected places) As for scholarships..try to find information on the internet. There are some sites that are specifically designed to find scholarships that fit with your wishes and qualifications so you don't need to be an A student to get one. You could also look out for the university costs in other English speaking countries or international universities, maybe they are cheaper, if that is a possibility for you. (although this option could be even harder then the universities in America) I do believe that your counselor was trying to help you as in that getting through university without any aid from your parents is a very hard thing to do. Still if you are determined on going find another expert and try to work out a plan. I don't know about your area but even if you have to stay there there might just be a way to find freedom. Just because you live near your parents doesn't mean they have to be a fixed part of your life if they don't support you anyway. Try meeting new people and making new friends. Your parents have failed at their job and they don't have the right to keep making you miserable. You're a woman and deep inside you are not only that but also a strong woman. Don't give up there's always a way. ( Also since you were worried about money for transition: I am still in no way an expert on trans issues in America. But I believe to have read somewhere that Medicare covers these expenses, so look into that maybe.) Whatever your future might hold I wish you the best of luck and hope that you'll mawit through this.
I wouldn't count out local or in state schools. You don't have to live at home if you don't want to, and you don't have to associate with your parents just because you live near them. This is my plan now, transfer to an instate school and move out, so I can begin my own transition. You're in NY. There are many liberal colleges/areas there.
