So, I'm not out - like on a wide-scale. Just to a couple of people. That's a struggle on it's own, and I've already posted about that. However, "what I am" (i.e., my label) is more confusing... I've thought for a long time that I'm gay. Since I was a small child, I've dealt with fuzzy feelings around certain guys that later I established as attraction, both romantically and physically. However, sometimes I think I might be bi. I AM attracted to women. But, not necessarily in a physical/sexual way. Definitely romantic/emotional. I have always presented as a masculine man. I know I'm not trans. I identify solidly as a man. But, I do have a love of glamour and beauty and some feminine things (I have a huge love for drag - which is a different discussion for another time) I would love to be able to dress up from time to time in a more feminine way - maybe even in a dress, if I was brave enough and the time was right. However, like I said 95% of the time I'm very masculine. I'm just - flamboyant, I guess. Loud. The type that's constantly putting on a one-man broadway show in the bathroom mirror. So, all that to say, my life is very confusing. I know that labels aren't everything. But I genuinely don't know what I'm feeling and what label I fall under... Anyone who's been there, done that?
It isn't uncommon for a gay man to love a woman in a more than platonic but still non sexual way and for women to love gay men in the same way. I have three such men I love dearly and, they love me. When we are together for an evening, we kiss, cuddle, share makeup tips (all are drag queens,) discuss silicone and bras, fixing the car, woodworking, whatever. That is an amazing, very rewarding relationship. No sexual tension or pressure, no pressure to be monogamous. Yet you get that close, loving relationship, pretty much unconditional love going both ways. I've found that conversations tend to be all over the place and, very random. From crying to laughing to cuddling, or a tickle figh all in a matter of minutes LOL. Don't shy away form it, go for it, let it build, have fun, see where it goes. Nothing wrong and, it doesn't make you less gay, just means you've found a "fag Hag" you love is all.
