I'm struggling to figure out where my gender falls. How do I know whether I may be genderqueer vs trans? I feel so much discomfort with a lot of the biological and social aspects of being a woman. And I know that I feel strongly that parts of my body feel more right as male, and in many ways I feel I need to be seen more as a guy or more androgynously by others. But there are other things that I feel ok with in terms of being female, for example some things about my body, pronouns. And I don't know if I want testosterone or surgery... I'm a bit confused about it at this point. I suppose some of this comes with actions. Take the steps I know I need to take and then see how I feel, and think about what other steps i need to take... But I wish I could hear more from others who feel genderqueer or somewhere in the middle. Any thoughts? Advice?
More in terms of how to explore my gender I suppose, and for now helping me understand how to identify. I'm not even sure I'm ready to think about whether to transition or not but i think exploring and better understanding my identity will help me honk about that as well. ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2016 at 03:55 AM ---------- *think (not honk)
It can be extremely confusing then. I found that for me it was two separate questions of how to express myself and live with others, and how I feel on the inside. Similarily to you, I keep on asking whether I'm genderqueer or trans, and can't find a good anwser. Sometimes those questions don't have a good anwser . Or at least don't have an anwser that would seem plausible in terms that come from outside of me. I mean, it's other people who came up with those distinctions and terms, to describe their situations. And my situation is mine, and it's best described in categories I came up with to suit my situation. I don't feel in the middle so I can't tell how that is. I definitely feel like a guy. But it's more like... it's not linked with anything at all. It's just the way I see myself. Hm. Because I relate better to men and therefore feel more belonging. But I see myself as a cisgender woman too, and it's all a good deal of philosophy , the"How I understand myself?" question. I think a good question to ask is "What if I was born the opposite sex?" And another " Am I doing xxx for fun of just doing it, or to feel relief?" And "Am I copying this behaviour, am I forcing myself, does it come naturally, right from my heart?"
I think you sound a lot like myself last year. I don't have much advice to offer other than: take a deep breath and step back. Try to figure out what it means to be you before trying to find a word to describe it. As a friend of mine said "Try things; try pronouns, try names, try clothes, try makeup, I don't know. Try things that make you happy". Maybe try to rule out things you DON'T want before finding out what you DO want.
