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Uh, Is This Normal???

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Gengars, Nov 10, 2016.

  1. Gengars

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    Heya folks, i've been taking a recess from EC for a while now, and in that time I've kinda been questioning a lot of things in regards to my gender and even my physical body.

    So I was born of the male sex, therefore I was assigned the male gender at birth. I thought I was just my own assigned gender for a while until I first started questioning my sexuality and found the LGBT community. I learned that I didn't have to fit into a box or follow gender norms. I could be whatever I felt. And I feel wierd. Like, I feel male and female, but also neither at the same time. Hell it's probably more female than male maybe. But recently, I felt like it wasn't enough.

    I want to be more feminine I guess is what I'm trying to say. Not in my outward expression I mean, but my body. I don't have a problem with my genitals, I just wish I had more feminine proportions. Does that kinda make sense? Is that weird? I don't think I'm trans, I just wish my body was somewhere in the middle, like my gender. I'm sorry if this isn't where I need to be posting, I just wanted to get this out there because i've been thinking about this for a while now.
     
  2. perpetuality

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    I know exactly what you mean. It's like you've written my EC post for me, except I'm heading in the other direction.
     
  3. SystemGlitch

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    Nonbinary people are still transgender since their gender identity and their assigned gender/sex are incongruent. :slight_smile: It's often confused that binary trans people are trans and everyone else is just nonbinary, but they are all considered under the same umbrella term of transgender.

    I'm not entirely sure I understand what you mean by feminine proportions, could you go into a little more detail? I think I understand that you would like your body to look more androgynous overall rather than strictly male. Do you feel uncomfortable with the way that you look right now, or like it isn't really the "correct" way for you to look? What is it that you think would make you happier about looking more feminine/androgynous?

    Do you also feel similarly about the way society sees you? For example, would you prefer to be seen by others as someone who isn't male or female/is both male and female at the same time? When ignoring the stereotypes of what men are meant to be/do, does being seen as purely male make you uncomfortable now or feel like you aren't actually "you"? Do you think that being seen as treated in a more female/andryogynous way would be more comfortable for you?

    Not following gender roles doesn't change your core gender. Someone can be female and take up a very male gender role, or vice versa, or someone nonbinary may take on an extreme female gender role, or someone of any gender might feel that they want to be completely neutral and/or fill both gender roles. How you want to be seen socially can play a part in your gender identity, but the actual role you want to take definitely isn't the be-all and end-all. For example, I don't exactly want to start working 9-5 and bringing home the money while my wife prepares supper and looks after the kids, while building furniture and working on the car in my spare time - I definitely do want to be seen by people as male and treated as male, but I don't want the masculine stereotypes that go with it. It'd be good to keep that in mind while you're trying to figure things out, since that is the main concept of gender non-conformity; that your gender does not need to match your appearance or your societal roles. :slight_smile:

    As for your question in the title... what exactly does 'normal' mean? What is 'normal' for a child is not considered 'normal' for an adult, what is 'normal' for a man is not considered 'normal' for a woman. What is 'normal' for you may very well not be 'normal' for me. People have a myriad of experiences regarding how they feel and think, and even if something isn't necessarily what the majority would feel, does that stop it being a 'normal' experience? :slight_smile: There are plenty of people who feel a similar way to you, and they would probably say "yes, this is a normal experience". Changing your perspective can completely change the meaning of the word 'normal'. I think it would benefit you greatly to try and shift your focus from how 'normal' or 'weird' your experience is and instead examine how exactly you feel and what would make you comfortable and, once you are more sure of your identity, what you would like to do with the information.

    Good luck, I hope this helps. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 SystemGlitch, Nov 10, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2016
  4. Gengars

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    Phew not gonna lie (though it may sound kinda rediculous and self-centered) but I thought it was just me that felt this way.

    Well, mostly it's my shoulders and waist I think. I'm pretty thin overall, but I've always had super broad shoulders, which I never really liked to begin with, and now it's even more off-putting because I just wish my physique was more feminine. I also wish I had a slightly more feminine torso but... maybe that's a bit out-there. You said it pretty perfectly though, I mean the whole androgynous thing. I mean I started growing my hair out just so I appear more androgynous this past year.

    Absolutely, but it isn't really a priority of mine right now. I'm mostly stuck in a small town community right now, but I won't be much longer. Next year I start college in a more cosmopolitan area where I can worry less about what people think about me and more about how I want to look.

    As for gender roles and such, I don't worry about em'! I've always been a big softy anyways, even when I though I was just male. But there are a lot of things about me that break the gender norm already. I'm not a stereotype, everything about me is just me, and I'm already cool with not fitting into a box.

    As for "normal", I could've worded that a bit differently. I guess by "normal", I meant, can anyone empathise with what I'm feeling? Is it just me that feels this way? Mostly I guess I just wanted validation and to know I'm not alone in these feelings.

    Oh thank you, that was pretty informative and made me feel much better!