Bottom Dysphoria Experiences?? (Or Lack Of)

Me too, buddy. I've always had a slight aspiration to have a penis but nothing much. I don't even feel dysphoric during shark week - I'm too busy being in pain to worry about what my body looks like, or rather what it doesn't look like.

 

I have no bottom dysphoria. Like Lacybi, I don't get dysphoric during shark week, though I might get a bit down at times. Even if I were able to have surgery I probably wouldn't. I don't see much of a point to bottom surgery if my body dysphoria's mainly up top.

Don't get disheartened by your lack of dysphoria. Not all transgender people experience much of it, and some don't at all.

 

I don't have much bottom dysphoria either. I mostly have no issue with what's down there, and shark week doesn't cause a lot of dysphoria for me. I enjoy packing and feeling like there's something between my legs, but I don't always need to. Although I occasionally feel like there's something missing, at the moment it's not enough for me to want and go through with bottom surgery.

People's dysphoria vary. It doesn't mean you're less valid because you don't have much bottom dysphoria.

 

I feel some towards the 'hole' if I'm becoming particularly aware of it being there (strangely enough not during solo sexual things...? I think it's because I think of myself as a man being penetrated, I have no idea honestly) but most of the time I honestly forget I have one. When I do remember I have to think for a moment "wait, DO I have one...?" because I can't feel it there and it basically stops existing unless I'm looking at/touching it. I get very distressed during shark week, but I don't know how much of the distress is dysphoria and how much is because I have a really shitty time - nausea, doubled over, crying for no reason, hating everyone, etc. Needing to use "feminine healthcare products" and having to buy those products definitely gives me feelings of dysphoria. The rest of my experience basically boils down to feeling humiliated that I have a small penis... because that's what I think of my genitals as, a micropenis. So it's less of "I want a penis" and more "damn why is my penis so tiny". I noticed really recently that I have an obsession with feeling like I have balls, too... that's a bigger thing for me than the penis, because I already have a penis (albeit a small one) but I have nothing resembling balls.

However, I do not want surgery. I have a severe phobia of medical things, ranging from needles to doctors to hospitals to surgery itself. I borderline want HRT but I'm terrified of the blood tests I'd need to get. I also can't really get anything even if I wanted to right now. I cannot afford any sort of private medical intervention, and NHS waiting lists are a joke. I have no one who could look after/help me during recovery from surgeries either.

Not wanting surgery doesn't stop you being trans. Not feeling uncomfortable about certain parts of your body doesn't stop you being trans. People experience dysphoria differently. For some it's crippling and constant, for others it's more sporadic and extremely mild, for others still it could go through phases of being terrible and phases of being managable. Some people have gender dysphoria directed towards everything, some direct it at specific parts such as chest or lack of beard, some have just a general malease or something so mild and nonspecific that they don't recognise it's dysphoria until they transition and it goes away. At the end of the day there is no "trans enough" because there is no one "true" trans experience.

 

Don't be afraid of blood tests! I was terrified to get mine done and it was seriously nothing. Couldn't feel it at all. Just don't look.

---------- Post added 13th Nov 2016 at 06:22 PM ----------

My feelings about my downstairs area have greatly shifted since I started T about a month ago. Pre-T, I had little bottom dysphoria to speak of and wasn't even really sure I would want a penis if I had the option. I definitely wasn't planning on bottom surgery. Also, one of my hesitations about going on T was that I wasn't sure how I felt about bottom growth. The thing is, I had no trouble getting off, my parts had always served me well in the past, and I didn't want my genitals to weird out my fiancee.

Well now 5 weeks on T, bottom growth is by far the most noticeable change I've experienced, and I really dig it. At this point, I almost think even if I would never pass as male, I'd still take the T just for the sex drive and bottom growth. Maybe it is just because my body is more hormonally male, but I've become dick obsessed (just my own) in a way I have never even imagined was possible. So now I understand cis guys a little better I think and their ovsession with their own dicks. I even had the urge the other day to take a picture of it and send it to someone. But I fought it lol. So now I am kinda torn between being very enamored with my growth and just wanting more and more. So I wouldn't really say I have bottom dysphoria even now in the way where you hate a body part, but I do feel it in the strict definition of dissatisfaction. I am happy to have something, I just want moooore. I don't even care if it is smaller than a cis guy's though.

As for the "hole", I don't really care. I just ignore it.

I am becoming more in more interested in metoidioplasty for sure.

---------- Post added 13th Nov 2016 at 06:24 PM ----------

T is crazy. I got aroused accidentally writing that post. XD hey, there's one thing to be happy about not having s cis dick. You can get all the boners you want and no one can see!

 

Not really that simple for me. :'D I have an incredibly severe phobia to needles. My stress and panic builds up for days before the actual needle, usually culminating in a panic attack where I physically cannot enter the room that I will be having the needle in, and when I finally do get in there I cannot stay still for it and need to be held in place (something that cannot legally be done since I turned 18... even when I WANT it to be so that I can actually get shit done), and then I usually throw up and faint and cannot do anything for hours afterwards. So... yeah.

 

Ahh well yeah it's different if you have a legit needle phobia. Then taking T probably wouldn't be too fun for you either if you wound up on injections. There is always gel though...I kinda wish I could afford that.

 

I went through a phase of hating my downstairs....now I'm kinda indifferent to it, though I would prefer it to be the other thing(which is what I call it anyway).

 

Yeah, I'm really hoping for patches or gel. Shots would be an absolute last resort and I'd probably need a bunch of therapy first. OTL Not looking forward to that at all.

 

I feel like I'm missing something, but most of the time it doesn't distract me from whatever else I'm doing, but if something draws my attention to it I'll feel nauseated & anxious thinking about it, and a strong sense of wrongness for lack of a better word.

 

I usually feel like I'm missing something, but don't strongly desire to get rid of what I have either... I absolutely hate the idea of surgery in general (not just to do with transitioning) - I'm petrified of hospitals, blood, and flesh being cut open. Needles aren't such a big thing, but I feel so sick when I think of any kind of surgery.
For me the worst dysphoria by far is my chest. And I know it will take a lot of energy to overcome my surgery fears enough to go through with top surgery one day :/

 

I've been working out where I sit with things, and have realised that I'm indifferent to my body. It feels an almost opposite of body dysphoria, if I woke up female or even androgynous tomorrow, it wouldn't slow me down at all. I know that in reality I wouldn't be happy transitioning to anything, so there's no point trying.

I think this and the straight male narrative, means I've totally missed my true gender identity for so long (30+ years). What I have come to realise is that we are each individuals and we experience things in isolation of everyone else. We don't fit social norms, however there is nothing wrong with that. It's just about working out who you are - anything goes.