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Motivation Issues (and Gender?)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Snidi, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. Snidi

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    Hi guys,

    I have been dealing with motivational issues. Trying to be inspired with the workplace..it's been difficult for me so far.

    Among other things, there is a 'possibility' that problems I've had getting motivated have been related towards genderfluid thoughts I had dealt with.

    Of course, I do not know for sure. Unfortunately, there is no way to measure this. But it's a theory.

    Whatever the cause of motivational issues, I've faced a lot of anger. If society were a better accommodating place, maybe I'd be more motivated. I would point the finger and blame society for my problems.

    However, even if it is true, that in a more ideal society I wouldn't have to fight as much...pointing the finger will only get me so far.

    Because:

    A. I Cannot Change External Society (beyond my own actions), Only My Individual Self

    B. My Resentment Is Not Alone. There are people out there who have gotten more of the short end of the stick by society: (Example: Poor people, people in 3rd world countries, etc.) So I can only dwell in my resentment for so long before I can simply ask what I can do about it....

    So then: what can I do about it? I really don't want to change my gender (though I plan to speak with transgender/genderfluid individuals to get more of their opinion)

    How can I get more motivated? Do I really have to resort to medication? Is there anything else I can do to help myself?
     
  2. TobaccoFlower

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    This sounds like you have internalized a lot of society's messages of hate and intolerane against people being their genuine gender.
     
  3. Snidi

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    A natural response, yes? We have to adapt to our external world.
     
  4. BedlamBill

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    We all have to fight to some extent, but even armies need R&R.

    I've had to come out at work, after only working things out myself one/two weeks earlier. A former line manager whether her new gender diversity strategy considered non-binary gender...'No as the company doesn't have any data on that, so it's focussed on binary...' It's been hard, but I consider it a victory of sorts. Have you stepped back to work out what your victories are?

    Also reflect that mood can change on lots of things, and certainly for me this isn't the best time of year to be going into new ventures for me. However I know this will pass, and that's only from being self-aware.
     
  5. EverDeer

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    As a non-binary person who also has a pretty broad view on the world too, I don't think how you're reacting to how you feel seems to out of line. Though, I also don't think its healthy as an individual to be denying parts of yourself just because you feel/know its "illogical" due to what you've been taught. I think its interesting that you say you're comfortable with/accept the fact that you can't change society and other people, yet at the same time you contradict that knowledge by living at the bare-minimum of who you truly are as an individual by using the excuse that many people have it worse off than you, especially since you might feel "okay" just getting by how you are. This might be part of the reason you feel that you're lacking motivation, as staying neutral and at the bare-minimum leaves room for no standards that can be let down and no hopes to be crushed or defeated, but that is also a place of stagnation without any progression, whether it be negative or positive.

    I personally have dealt with a lot of feelings similar to this throughout my life, and honestly it took me a lot of time, self-realization, and even someone close to me forcefully telling me that I need to accept myself for me to get it ingrained into my head that I do deserve to feel how I naturally do, regardless of what is externally common. Yes, I accept that society cannot and maybe will not change ever in my lifetime, and yes I accept that other people in this world are a lot worse off that me, but that does NOT mean that I deserve to suffer or live at the bare-minimum of my truest self.

    Now, when you say that you don't want to change your gender, do you mean you don't want to take steps to alter your sexual anatomy's appearance? Because that is not a requirement to be transgender. Or, do you mean you don't want to change your gender identity label, and if so, why is this? Is knowing that not everyone will accept it deterring you from trying at all, as this would mean you would have to acknowledge negative emotions that you'd rather not allow to rise-up in the first place, or do you still just feel attached to your birth gender? No matter what label you use for yourself, I think you should at least realize that what you experience and how your truly feel inside is what matters- man, woman, non-binary...those are just words. If you are genderfluid and calling yourself a "man" you're still genderfluid...
     
  6. Snidi

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    Well, then...what it ultimately comes down to is, how does one be happy when being gender fluid and experiencing annoying dysphoria? How does one gain sufficient motivation to live life and engage with the world that would come to cisgender people intrinsically?
     
  7. EverDeer

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    How would you answer the question inserting any other type of mental illness or ailment? I think you just have to realize that you don't need to be like everyone else in order to be happy, you don't have to experience the world in the same vein as others or from their eyes in order for it to be fulfilling. I personally also suffer from chronic depression and several phobias and an anxiety disorder but once I finally figured out how to chuck the idea out the window that I needed to prove I could "be normal" or be like everyone else in order to be happy I started learning more and more about myself every single day and learned how to treat myself like an individual and learn how to care for myself and my needs instead of scorning myself for not being able to get along like others do. Self acceptance and self awareness are the first step towards true authenticity and happiness, in my opinion.

    Your dysphoria might not ever go away completely, but you can relearn to view situations in a different, more positive light that is personal, and learn to combat negative feelings by understanding yourself. For me personally, if I feel that I "pass" a certain way one day- even if it doesn't mean so to the rest of the world- sometimes that is enough for me to make myself feel better- I sort of use certain clothes as a crutch like "I always look like a boy/girl wearing this, so this makes me feel more like myself today". I think its similar to how with depression or anxiety, creating rituals can make one feel more at peace, like always taking a shower, or making a certain type of tea or doing or focusing on a certain task when feeling down- its learning to prioritize your thoughts on what is rather than what is not (and also I think to a certain degree certain ritualistic coping mechanisms are more like a placebo affect to get you back into the mindset of feeling better). I'm not everyone though, so I know for many this isn't enough. For some, putting their minds on how they know they'll be able to get surgeries or hormones one day helps them because it makes them feel like they won't be so helpless forever but it all comes down to how you balance the scale of "fitting in" versus "being yourself". For some, fitting in physically IS being themselves, and for others, they'd rather not make a lot of physical changes and value their mind over how others view them. It can take some work, but if you can learn to love yourself first and know that there are indeed others out there, and on here, that feel like you do and really want to help you and be understanding then I think you can get onto a path that will make you much happier in the future :slight_smile: You can't help but feel like yourself, so why not embrace it! Others would love to help you do that, and would be more than happy to share their own experiences on the matter as well because finding solace where you thought you were alone before can be very peace-invoking.