This is might be a strange thread to start, but why not? I was thinking as I got ready for classes this morning about my dysphoria. Sometimes I don't feel "trans enough" because I don't have really strong bottom dysphoria, and my top dysphoria varies from day to day. But two things I do have pretty bad dysphoria about is my voice and my hair. I've heard people say they were dysphoric about their voices, but I've never known someone to say that their hair was one of the things they were most dysphoric about. Is anyone else like this? Or is it just me? I'd be curious to know what is one of the things you're most dysphoric about. If you're comfortable with sharing that is.
For me, it's my chest, my voice, and maybe my hair. Before I fully realized who I was, I used to never ever want to cut off my hair. Like really, I grew it out to the base of my spine it was that long. If I had one nice cut I would feel panicked. I think it's becuase I thought since I was supposed to be a girl I was supposed to have long nice hair even if I never put it up, never wanted to show my face behind my hair either. Now since coming out I feel SO much better having cut off all that hair, and I feel so much more like a guy. So I had dysporia for my hair. My voice, I can sort of change as I like to voice act and therefore I've been practicing as much as possible. But I feel if I try it out in public they would know I was faking and make it worse. So dysphoria for that. My chest. Yea, I hate it, hate, want them gone, want flat broad chest, I want to have my shirt off and in board shorts for the summer like the regular guys do. So I guess I have more dysporia for that. Everyone's dysporia is different, and on different levels, and for various reasons. Having one being less than the other, doesn't make it any less relevant. Even if it's the smallest part its still dysporia. Don't let anyone tell you that your identiy is any less relevant from those reasons or any reason. Be you, be awesome, be happy!
Dysphoria can really fluctuate throughout your life so it's kind of hard to say. I didn't even know for sure I was trans until about six months ago, though my first suspicions came about closer to six YEARS ago, but I shoved it down deep right away. Yet, I know I've been dysphoric about my voice, chest, and internal reproductive organs for quite some time. I just didn't know that was what it was until recently. I didn't really have general bottom dysphoria util I figured out I was trans. Right now I'd say my most pressing dysphoria is chest, just because I can't leave the house without binding and I won't take my shirt off except to shower. For the voice I don't really have full blown dysphoria at the moment just because I am on T and I know it is changing. I just wish it would happen faster. Bottom dysphoria is mostly a sexual thing, otherwise I don't really mind. But I'm still highly dysphoric about my reproductive capabilities. Oh, I forgot hips. I've been dysphoric about that since i was like fifteen and first noticed I had them. That is actually probably the only thing I look at myself and feel actually disgusted by.
Most of my dysphoria is due to my chest. Not that I hate it, just that it feels like something is missing. Sometimes though that feeling will go away, and I'll feel like I DO have boobs, only to look down and be reminded I do not. My bottom dysphoria doesn't involve hate, so much as feeling like something is there that shouldn't be. How most FtMs feel about their boobs, I feel about my crotch. I notice it, all the time, and it feels "extra" if you know what I mean. I am going to start working on feminizing my voice, but it doesn't cause me dysphoria unless I hear it on a recording. My hair DOES cause me some dysphoria. Quite a bit actually. I'm still growing it out, and it's still very short, so there's that. Also my hair line. It's an average male under 35 hairline, but it's just that, a masculine hairline. I don't want that, I want a nice rounded and feminine one....don't get me started on the fear of it thinning. Ever. Other than that, just the social stuff. Being seen as your outward presentation, not your actual gender. And feeling that disconnect and sadness looking in the mirror.
Maybe bangs would help with the hairline thing. I've recently started to be self conscious about my hairline so I've started shaving it back. It actually helps a lot imo.
Yeah, that's what I've been thinking to help cope. I can find a hairstyle to hide that, and there's always hair implants if it really bothers me later. Though I hear estrogen recovers it a bit at least. I have REALLY curly, wavy, crazy hair though. Though that seems to work fine anyway: (That's actually a good approximation of my hair's natural texture) *Off topic, but yay 1000th post!:lol: ---------- Post added 17th Nov 2016 at 11:36 PM ---------- Also, parting it in the middle helps as well. (I just tried it)
I'd definitely say I'm pretty dysphoric about my hair. I keep it cut really short almost all of the time and then that makes me happy and not think twice about it, but honestly if it starts to grow even the slightest bit too long past my ears or my jawbone, then I get growing anxiety when I look at myself in the mirror and feel extremely depressed and like I look too much "like a girl" and have a strong urge to cut it off as quickly as possible.
I went through the same feelings with my hair. I never had it that long, but I "wasn't allowed" to have short hair because my father believed that women had to have short hair. I hated it long. There was a phase where I didn't want to get it cut. Looking back I would say it was kinda like those phases some guys go through where they just want their hair shaggy. But about two years ago (actually, it will be two years ago right before christmas) I decided to cut it off and I've never been happier. And I feel the voice thing too. I can make my voice a little lower if I think about it, but it has to be a conscious effort. And, since I went about 20 years without thinking about how my voice sounded, its not second nature to make the conscious effort to make my voice lower. Then, I'll think about it in the middle of a conversation, but then its too late because then people would notice the change in my voice. ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2016 at 01:28 AM ---------- I've never cared as much about my hair as I have since I started cutting it short. My hair is naturally curly when its longer, so that's my indicator that its time to get it cut. If the hair at my neckline starts attempting to curl, I need to get it cut asap. There was one time where the lady that cut my hair couldn't cut my hair for like two and a half months and I literally almost bought a razor and shaved it myself.
I suppose I do have dysphoria over my hair. It's not always present, but when it is I get the urge to yank it out of my head since it's growing too long. I don't actually do it but I do want to at times... I'm hoping on getting it trimmed soon with my friend, even though I know my parents will get pissed for it. I also get dysphoria over my voice, mainly when I speak in public or hear a recording. To me it feels really soft and high-pitched (even though it's somewhat deep for someone AFAB) and I hate it. It contributes to me appearing like a ten-year-old, that as well as my height. I get height discomfort too, which usually causes me to get dysphoria because it stops me from being able to pass. I don't have too much chest dysphoria because I don't have that big of a chest, though I do get dysphoria for my shoulders. I have quite a petite frame. I didn't used to have dysphoria over my shoulders, not until my best friend pointed out how small they were. So much for a best friend. Another thing I get dysphoria for is my hips, even though they're rather small and my clothing usually hides them. I'm a stickler for details so even my smallest female curves aggravate me.
My parents hate when I get my hair cut too. First it was just my dad that was pissed, but now that I've started going progressively shorter, my mom hates it too. They're not as vocal about it anymore though. My dad will usually just make casual jabs like "I hate your hair, just so you know."
Everyone's dysphoria is so different. Two trans guys in a room could have the most different dysphoric experiences and levels ever and yet still both be trans guys through and through. You're trans enough. I'm fairly similar to you. I don't have strong bottom dysphoria. I mostly have strong top dysphoria, but even that varies sometimes. I also have a lot of dysphoria over my hair and face. Well, I don't know if it's dysphoria, but I struggle a lot in the hair department. I don't look good with short hair (long hair frames my face better I think), but I always feel not enough, what with my shoulder length/longer hair. I never know what to do with it to affirm my gender identity to myself. Sometimes I desperately want to cut it into an alternative short hair cut because I can't stand having it long and just not being able to pass at all, other times I'm happy with it but still don't know how to style it. I've spent so long agonising over my hair in the past and how it expresses and reflects my gender. I like looking androgynous, but without T I just look like a girl. It's hard to articulate, but it's definitely a thing I experience.
Man, I feel you and honestly I have done that before ahahah, I've trimmed my bangs lots of times before myself and stuff but one time I just straight up shaved off the back and sides myself for sort of a faux-hawk look.
It's somewhat good to know that they became less vocal over time. Nowadays my parents get mad whenever I bring up the possibility of a haircut, especially because they're completely against me "looking like a boy" (I'm not out to them but they have suspicions). Can't wait until they stop making such a big fuss over my hair, I mean come on.
I like my hair but voice is (or has, I'm currently quite ok with it) my top problem. Next is actually my figure overall and body fat and muscle. Everyone has different priorities and I think we all feel not trans enough sometimes. As if we had to wrestle bears and build cars ourselves to be valid. I mean WTF.