It's today. I'm excited and anxious at the same time. This is what I want but this is the formal first step and it feels huge to me. I have fears, such as what if they don't believe me (not sure why they wouldn't) and what if this process takes longer than I thought. Hearing my birth name over and over doesn't sound right to me, and bowling with work last night forced my birth name to be written on the scoreboard plain as day. And that made me feel uneasy. Being male presenting and called she isn't right either. How I see myself in my head and hearing female pronouns isn't right. None of this is. And I therefore need this step to happen, I need hormones. I know all this to be true. But still, my heart sits firmly in my throat and adrenaline courses my veins. Wish me luck.
Good luck! I'm sure everything will be okay, from what you've posted on here you've got heaps of evidence for how you feel. I don't understand how they could possibly deny you. Let us know how it goes.
It was a bit of an anticlimactic experience. They want me to see a counsellor to unlock how I'm feeling about how my family has reacted (my uncle sent me an ill timed shitogram text just before the session) and making sure that my self acceptance is nailed. I'm not going to see the counsellor at their practice because I'm not travelling into London on my dime for sessions I don't think I need. I'll find someone local. I have to approach my GP to see if they'll do the blood test and provide the gender clinic with the results. Trying to process the whole day really. My family are truly getting on my nerves. For the question above, I'm going private which is lacking in the 'care' element and more about handing over 260 quid for 45 minutes. Tempted to try a different place. But anyway, I'm just taking the evening (it's 8pm here) to regroup. Obviously the family shit just shotguns fear into my decision. I just want support from my blood guys. And not to be told that this is the saddest thing to happen to the family, next to my grandads death...and they need time to grieve. Cheers then. Okay so I'm going to be honest now, I'm a non drinker and have been for years and years. But I am having a couple of cans of Guinness tonight, I can tell you that. Fucking hell, why why why do I always get my feelings shat on from a great height. Oh and FYI, I AM NOT CONDONING ANY FORM OF ALCOHOL DEPENDENCY OR SELF MEDICATION. At all. Just describing my evening. PEACE OUT, ONE LOVE, NO HATE - K A L
