I've been confused about my gender identity for the past 8 or 7 months and one of my friends referred this website to me. I'm glad she did, but I'm a little anxious to come out to people that aren't my friends. I can only hope for the best support and advice anyone can offer. Ever since I found out genderfluid people existed, I started connecting the dots: I tend to be masculine some days and feminine in others, that was the first thing I noticed. I also have an equal amount of liking for both sports and fashion. I'm not saying those things can only be assigned to one gender, both males and females do a good job in those categories. I only ever talk to my gf/bf about this since they themselves are genderfluid and they think I am going through the same struggles they are, which shocked me, but I also knew somehow that they'd say that. My whole life I kept switching between boy and girl clothes, between action figures and dolls, and participated in a lot of sports while also taking time to make bright and colorful hats and mitts with my grandmother. As I grew older, I noticed that some days I felt comfortable in my body and other days I didn't. I started getting attention from my parents when I wore longer sleeved shirts and pants, when I would usually wear a white tee shirt and one of the many skirts I owned. They kept asking me if anything was wrong, but I lied straight to their face that I was fine. They seemed to know I was lying too, because they never stopped asking. They still ask every week today. I know that you're supposed to trust your parents and family with everything, but I have trouble doing that. In fact, I have trouble trusting anyone I haven't fully known yet. So, it's kind of a struggle to open up on here, but I'll try my best.. Um. I feel like my parents know what's happening to me. They get drunk often so I take that opportunity to tell them how I'm feeling. Although, sometimes I feel like after I talk to them, they wake up the next morning and remember what I told them. They seem to sort of hint at it, but I can never tell if they're joking or not. Like.. I'll be sitting in the kitchen, talking to my oldest sister early in the morning before she goes to work, and my parents will come in. They smile especially nice at me and say, "Hi, Cain. My beautiful baby girl." and either one of them will stand next to me and wrap their arm around my shoulders and say, "Or should I say baby boy?". I always sort of laugh, assuming it's a joke, and they usually give a little chuckle too. So I have no idea if they're being sincere or not. I think that's why I'm so confused. I've gotten used to being a female to my family and a male to my closest friends that I'm always both at either the same time or separately. It's like I'm two completely different people considering how drastic my personality changes depending on who I feel like at that moment (in case you're wondering, I feel more feminine tonight). Sorry this is a little long.. I tend to write/say a lot when I talk about my identity like this. I know it's late and no one will probably see this, but I don't want to post it during the day considering my thoughts are more constructible at night. If you read this whole thing, thank you. Have a good night/day.
Hello, and welcome to EC! First off, I've read it all and well done for bringing yourself to write. (*hug*) Feeling nervous is totally okay. Luckily this is one of the most accepting corners of the internet. The people here are very friendly and non-judgmental. Secondly, you do sound genderfluid. I'll write more later, but it's sleep time for me, too. :lol:
The only problem is that femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with gender idenity. I am a cis woman and I've never once felt feminine in my entire life. In fact, from what you describe, you are more feminine than me, a cis woman, in general. You have the same blend of traits and interests as my best friend, another cis woman. If you randomly switch between being dysphoric in your body (or socially) that can be a better indicator, but not the interests or gender roles. Hell, a non-binary or genderfluid person can be 100% masculine or 100% feminine every day of their life, but still do not identify as cis, because they don't mentally feel cis. The biggest question is, would you still feel under the trans binary if there were no such thing as gender roles? Gender roles are made up and change from society to society, but trans people have still existed without them.
Agreed. I feel masculine some days and feminine other days, but I'm still a trans guy. I thought I was genderfluid for a while, but I realized I was just letting gender roles influence me. Shifting between being masculine and feminine is pretty normal.
