I'm not even sure why I'm telling this story. It was just kind of surreal and I feel like sharing it. It happened a few weeks ago and I actually tried to post about it on here the day it happened but it got deleted so I didn't want to type it out again. So I was at my fast food night job and this girl I've only met one other time and didn't even know her name came up to me while I was doing dishes and nobody could hear what we were saying and straight up asked me if I was a "boy or a girl". I got uncomfortable and didn't really answer her, just kept doing dishes. And she asked again and made it sound like she was asking for noble purposes saying "I don't know how to compliment you if I don't know. Are you a girl who likes girls or are you a boy who likes girls?". Again, I had no idea what to say to that so I just said something like "Who even are you? You are very rude.". At one point she straight up grabbed my chest area for a give 3-5 seconds (I was binding) and (still) decided "You're a girl," which I denied, somewhat stupidly, because then she kept asking me questions. And I finally just said I don't talk about that stuff at work. Between all her questions she was going up to my other coworkers and clearly talking about me. And once when she came back to me doing dishes she commented on how she was making me uncomfortable because I kept dropping shit every time she came back to talk to me. And btw if you didn't know, I am not out at work at all. Everyone I work with thinks I am a butchish lesbian. She hasn't messed with me since besides giving me weird looks and once calling me something female specific, then obviously correcting herself (saying like "bye, girls! I mean, girls and whatever you are." [And to add an extra layer of awkwardness to my reaction to her, I actually felt kind of happy she said that]). This was just really weird. It is the first time I can say I have ever been sexually harassed, and it was by a 95 pound girl who I later found out to be 17 years old. At the time of posting this originally, I was going to ask if I should say something about this to someone at work, but since she hasn't done it again I haven't told anyone. I felt stupid later finding out she was so young and I knew even if I did tell someone I probably wouldn't be taken seriously. I have told a couple of people who have nothing to do with that job, my mom and my fiancee. Both of them sounded surprised at first until they found out she was a black (not sure why her being black made it acceptable or normal...? But I do have a history with dating black girls, so I think that also affected the reactions to this story for some reason) teenaged girl and then they suddenly acted like that made sense and they weren't even surprised. My fiancee actually said "Why did you let her touch you?" and seemed kind of jealous and suspicious. My mom also implied I probably liked it. Probably doesn't help that I described her as attractive. But she is kind of attractive. So that adds an extra layer of weirdness to it because I was almost intrigued by what was happening. I mean if I really wanted her to leave me alone I could've made it happen. And not only was I intrigued because it was an attractive girl, but also because I had a suspicion that she knew I was trans somehow and I just NEEDED someone to know, but obviously I wasn't going to tell my work bully. Just thought I'd share my weird story. I mean I guess I could also use suggestions for more logical reactions from me, and something to say if this happened again. I just wasn't expecting something like that from someone who is practically an adult. I'm somewhat prepared for little kids to ask me stuff like that but this was different. Clearly an intimidation tactic. Yet I am not out and work and still refused to say I was a girl. If I had she probably would have left me alone, but I just couldn't say it. I don't want to. Especially because I eventually intend to come out at work if I have to, I'm just not ready right now.
Does she look like she will do something like that again? How do you think your manager would react if you told them? Would he be with you or ignore you? I'm not saying it's your fault at all, but there are people who get angry easily and maybe not telling her your gender made her mad. I think you should just talk to her like a human being and see if she understands. And just try to not let her do anything to you that you don't want.
I think she'd already gotten what she wanted from me which was to make me nervous. I don't think she will do it again just because it has already been a few weeks and she hasn't done anything else. The thing about me not telling her my gender is that I am obviously AFAB. I don't pass at all up close and we were having a conversation. If she couldn't tell looking at me, she could definitely tell from talking to me. I'm 99% sure she was trying to scare me somehow, or at least just fuck with my emotions. And I made myself an easy target which I am still regretting and replaying over and over what I could've done differently. I mean I know she couldn't really do anything to me. She is tiny and nonthreatening and has no authority, but if I was worried about my safety if I came out as trans (which I'm not, but I don't really know for sure how anyone might react), I might be scared for my livelihood if she went around talking to people about me.
Don't beat yourself up for what you could've done differently, everyone freaks out and doesn't know what to do when they are nervous (myself included).
Yeah, thanks. I am horrible under pressure. And it doesn't help that I feel like I'm living a double life right now and I really have yet to figure out what I would say if someone from my work life found out about my private life. I guess if it was someone I trusted or liked or oven KNEW I would be honest if confronted, but I seriously do not know this chick and she has been nothing but weird to me lol. So yeah, I'm constantly on edge that someone at work has discovered my facebook (I deactivated my old one and just have the one that says I'm male. Though I don't have my real last name on it, but I do have real pictures of me. So it would be difficult to search me but easy to identify me if you came across it.), and then this practical stranger comes up to me and starts interrogating me and it freaked me out. It kind of made me realize how unprepared I am to answer questions or come out of the closet any time soon.
Sometimes these people need to be shocked. If she tries it again, get in her face and tell her if she touches you again you'll ring the police. That fucking bitch needs to be laid spark out, I'm sorry. If that's the way she thinks she can behave, boy has she got a nasty surprise in the big adult world. Adults don't work like that and sure as shit people won't put up with her bullshit. She has touched you inappropriately and that is illegal.
