gender identity and sexuality.. how related are they?

Of course it is highly related to one another. 95+% of people are straight and cis, being lgbt is an anomaly, and I don't mean than in the wrong way. So yes, gender identity and sexuality are clearly linked quite heavily.

 

I actually know more femme lesbians than butch or tomboy ones, so it really depends. I think the want to try different gender expression as a LGBT person comes from wanting to escape the gendered roles that are forced on us by straight culture.

 

It's been very similar with me. I was definitely "girly" as a kid and through most of my teens. It took me a long time to become consciously aware of the fact that I feel better being presenting more masculine. I'm not sure whether I changed or just became more aware of it? I know I was sincerely into stereotypical girls' stuff as a kid, but there were also moments of being fascinated by androgynous people. One of my strongest childhood memories was of a tomboy at my school and me feeling this weird sense of identification with her, yet not knowing why.

Anyway, that doesn't really answer your question at all, I just wanted to say that you're not the only one.

 

This is kind of complicated.

To try and make it simple, I will just say that I think being queer in some way makes you more likely to experiment with gender expression because other people in that group are doing it. I also think this might have something to do with why gay transdudes sometimes have a harder time figuring out that they are trans. Most straight transdudes identified as lesbians before figuring out they were trans, and it is acceptable for lesbians to present masculinely, particularly because they generally aren't trying to dress for men. Whereas most gay transdudes identified as straight (though this isn't necessarily always the case. A lot of times they think they are lesbians before transitioning because they like to present masculinely) and are still trying to attract men so they feel they have to present feminine to be attractive.

I identified as a soft butch lesbian before I realized I was trans. First I realized it was okay to like girls, then I realized it was okay to dress masculine and girls would still find me attractive, and then I realized I really LIKED dressing masculine and I just started presenting more and more masculine and pushing those boundaries because I realized no one would stop me, and it felt amazing. But it never seemed like enough. I found myself obsessed with gender roles in my "lesbian" relationships. I always needed it to be very obvious that I was "the man", or else I was uncomfortable in the relationship. Eventually I found myself more and more upset with any amount of femininity which soon extended to labels and pronouns.

Long story short, as soon as I realized that no one was stopping me from being masculine, I went full speed ahead, eventually realizing no one was even stopping me from just being a man, and I couldn't be happy until I made that happen.

 

for me, there is a close link.

i'm probably a straight, trans guy in denial. I hate feminine presentation and I hate my long hair.

But i look in the mirror and i think to myself, dang, I look better with longer hair and I'm not bad looking as a woman.

i suffer from a degree of body dysmorphia, which means I see myself as unattractive in an overblown way. some of it is real, I do have some features in my body/face that aren't generally considered "attractive," but in reality, I'm probably closer to average.

So i have this serious struggle:
Do I stay feminine and long-haired and beautiful?
Or do I stay true to myself, cut my hair short, and go back into a state of terrible anxiety caused by the dysmorphia and being outed by my short hair?

it sounds strange and ridiculous but it's a very real issue for me. there's some woman in the way i interact with people but deep down, i just want to be a straight boy and have an easier time asking out women and dating them. I don't want to be a woman.

 

Linked in a comlex way, but sexual oriantation has also factors separate from gender, like openness/curiousity, social factors, how well you make friends with whom...

 

I think being LGBT gives people the opportunity to explore gender roles in a way that they aren't really allowed to do when they identify as straight. Straight, cis women are expected to look feminine, follow female gender roles, etc. Lesbians are often expected to look masculine, follow male gender roles (although not entirely), etc. Realizing that you are a lesbian can make you feel more comfortable letting yourself be masculine, because it's not unusual for a lesbian to be masculine.

The same thing happened to me, although I ended up being trans. When I realized I was a lesbian (I'm not even exclusively attracted to girls, but that's beside the point; I thought I was back then), I started dressing more masculinely, and I cut my hair short because I finally felt like I could. I hadn't realized it was even something I wanted, because it didn't even feel like a possibility. As a "lesbian", I felt like my friends and family wouldn't be surprised if I started being more masculine, because that's what people expect. It didn't change who I was. It just gave me a chance to present in a way I hadn't been comfortable with before.