So, I'm more angry than I thought

Interestingly enough, I was quite short tempered the first few weeks I was on testosterone, but I am totally even tempered now. Maybe even more so than before I started T. Perhaps my body just needed to adjust.

I think maybe after the first couple of weeks my anger was pretty much replaced with arousal. Though then I also was very easily frustrated when I couldn't satisfy that. But around the one mark month everything pretty much evened out. I rarely get angry now and I can pretty much keep my horniness in check lol. I wonder if that is normal.

But I really wasn't an angry person before.

I'm sorry to hear your mom is causing you so much trouble. You need to forget about her for a while and look forward to transition. I'm excited for you! I think you're going to love it. I've already gained a half inch on my biceps and I don't even work out. You're going to get huge! And my voice is significantly deeper at less than two months. Still not passing, but enjoying every single change and I feel happier every day.

 

I used to be very irritable before T, but I calmed down a lot since I've started hormones.

I don't know what will happen when you start T, but don't assume it will make you angrier. It did the exact opposite for me.

 

There have been a couple of studies done on the subject, general consensus is that higher levels of testosterone correlate with higher levels of aggression. But when we talk about serious aggression, as in when it starts to become a criminal issue, there's usually far more of a problem present than just testosterone levels, such as a personality disorder or a mental health condition. Plus, the levels of testosterone that are considered "high" are generally thinking of cis men - most trans guys have a level somewhere in the 500-600 range, which is perfectly average for a man and is monitored constantly to make sure it doesn't get too high/too low, and therefore shouldn't be a cause of any significant aggression problem. There are also some cis guys who have very high levels of testosterone and don't don't feel any significant aggression at all.

A lot of trans guys say that when they first start T they get some increase in their agression/irritability, but I've never heard of anyone who has become angry enough to completely lose control. A common thing is that prior to T trans guys get emotional and cry if they're angry; after T, they tend more towards shouting and wanting to physically fight, or do something like punch the wall. It's just about learning to deal with the feelings though, and most of the time I hear the same thing as what Patrick said - after a while, they can control it and it isn't much of a bother anymore. Everyone has to learn how to control their emotions, whether that's as a child, as a teenager during puberty (especially for those who get that testosterone boost), or as an adult. You wouldn't need to be doing anything different to what other men do for controlling emotions. Even with all that being said though, there really isn't any guarantee that you would even feel any effect on your aggression from it.

As for the police, I think it's very unlikely someone will press charges against you. Even if they felt threatened or intimidated, most men wouldn't call the police after being verbally assaulted by a "woman", which from what you've said sounds like how he was perceiving you. If he did contact the police, they probably wouldn't do much more than give you a warning anyway since that's the first port of call for non-physical assault. Despite that, it's probably not a good idea to get involved in more situations like that. It's just negative for every party involved and the stress of it won't be doing you any favors.

If you do end up reaching a point where you become worried about your aggression, you could talk to your doctor about it. They could direct you towards counselling. I have had anger management counselling, and it is actually incredibly helpful... I'm a lot more mellow-headed than before because I can recognise when I'm getting angry and take steps to stop myself getting too angry, and if I do end up angry anyway I'm able to walk away from the situation and calm myself down rather than running in all guns blazing.

 

Hi Kal,

Just from the law side of things, you shouldn't worry. You've not done anything to warrant that sort of attention.

I don't know about the testosterone but it sounds like things with your mum are probably contributing at the very least. What about writing out a letter to you mum of all the things you want to say, literally everything, every angry word and every hateful thing then destroying it? So it is a letter you know you won't send but you could use it to vent some of what your feeling in relation to your mum.

Just a suggestion but speak to your therapist as well as anger issues may be related to your T and the processes with that - i.e. it takes time and you might get frustrated with the pace of things.

Hope you are feeling better (and that arse at the petrol station deserved it).

 

I won't give you specific opinions, because yours are based off a lot more info than mine are but I'll tell you a few things I'd consider important factors.

1)Are you romantically attracted to each gender or only men?

2)Do you still have any sexual fantasies about women? Can you honestly say you've never enjoyed the sex u had with her? Has that enjoyment been waning recently?

3)Are you okay with a lot of societal scrutiny? It can be important after a while and people will probably eternally question it, if you do continue this arrangement.

Just my two cents, you are not clearly in a position where this is inconceivable at all but obviously, it will be tricky. You must be honest about how strongly your romantic feelings are for each gender, and closely consider how much you really want her in your life.

 

Hi mate,

An outlet will be very helpful for you. You go to the gym right? Does that help at all? Otherwise see if writing things out helps. Like you say you don't want to blow up at random times so finding a way to regularly burn off any anger or frustration you feel on a regular basis. Does the Vent thread help?

 

Well, to be honest with you I have a similar problem, or had, because I talked to my therapist about it, and we worked on channeling it in a constructive way. It helped. Stuff like directing the anger at the person or thing that caused it, and expressing it for example as saying "I'm angry at you because ...".

 

And swearing in my head (or out loud if nobody is around) helps too, ha ha. Imagination is quite helpful as well.

 

I've always considered a smash room - basically buy cheap breakable stuff and just smash something when you are really annoyed. It's a bit elaborate but might be a good idea if you want something active. Or maybe a punching bag might be more economical.

Obviously, these are more aimed at helping regulate your anger. I'm not sure about dealing with anger - I normally just try and minimise it and realise it is partly perspective until it goes but that only works with acute anger. Eg giving the other drivers the benefit of the doubt - although I find it very difficult. Do you think road rage is just a lightening rod for your anger at your mother and life in general? If so maybe play some relaxing music in the car or something. Sorry if this isn't very helpful. I think anger management is quite a personal thing and people learn to deal with it in their own way. I'll try and think of some other ideas.

 

I don't know if you're into boxing or any other martial arts, but I strongly advise you to try it because they've helped me a ton. I have a similar problem to you, in fact lately my temper has been running quite short due to exams stopping me from doing much martial arts. If you can't find any places near you to practice, just buy a punchbag of your own and take your anger out at home. Heck, even sofa cushions do the job. In times of explosive anger, the best thing to do is to let it out in a way that won't harm others; definitely don't bottle it up.

I'm not on T myself so I can't say from experience how it affects anger levels, though judging by the other responses T appears to alleviate some of that anger, which I imagine is because the anger partially stems from the stress of being trans and pre-T. As for police trouble, if everybody who yelled in public got arrested, then I'm pretty sure the London streets wouldn't be half as full as I see them now. I doubt the police are too different in Bath.