1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Gender Self Identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Trace1496, Nov 28, 2016.

  1. Trace1496

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Birmingham, Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello. I am in need of some advice and encouragement. I am a 30 year old gay man, but in the past year I am realizing that I do not identify as a man internally. I identify as a woman. I do however want to stay a man physically. I love having my man parts, but in my heart I feel like a woman. In my mind I feel like a woman. So, then what am I?
     
  2. EverDeer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2016
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    55
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello! You don't necessarily have to feel disconnected from your body or hate it in order to be transgender. If you feel comfortable identifying and living your life as a transgender woman then you could use the term MtF to define yourself or just woman if you'd like. If you're comfortable living some aspects of your life as a "man" or you don't mind being perceived as one all of the time, then you could be genderqueer or some other non-binary gender, or transfeminine. But really it just depends on how you feel and what you're most comfortable with. Do any parts of transitioning appeal to you hypothetically? Do you already / would you want to dress as a woman or be called feminine pronouns or by a feminine name?
     
  3. IsItElise

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    l
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I agree with what Kipper says, pretty much. A good way to determine "what am I" is to ask specific questions about your preferences and work from there. I think it allows you to define yourself and find the descriptor that works for you. It doesn't have to conform to existing standards As long as you are comfortable with it. I know you'd probably like a more specific answer, but it sounds like you just need to work it out. This is a great place to do do, though, and you can bounce ideas around and find encouragement on EC. Let me or us know if you need any help at all with it :slight_smile:

    Overall, the best thing you can do is be honest with yourself, definitely.

    And, I should add, to be transgender doesn't require that you hate the sex/gender you were born with. It took me a lot longer to come out to myself as trans because I had a similar doubt: I didn't dislike my maleness strongly, I was okay with it. I just realized that I still wanted to be seen/treated by myself and others as a female, because I felt that femininity was just a better expression of my true self. I'm not dating that is necessarily The case For you. Just that for me, being honest with myself has started me on the path to being the best me I can be.

    Have you done much exploration of your feelings on this subject, either internally or in some external experiments?

    ---------- Post added 29th Nov 2016 at 03:05 AM ----------

    I should also say that it doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't want it to be. For all my and our talk about finding "your true self" it can seem like a bit much if you're not into it. For Some People, gender is not a huge deal, it's just a small part of their identity. So don't worry If you feel overwhelmed at some point. EC can be a positive voice for support and stuff. You can try out a different name and pronouns if you like, or just ask questions, anything really.
     
  4. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    3,049
    Likes Received:
    704
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Me too, but the opposite way round...
     
  5. Irisviel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2015
    Messages:
    410
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    EU
    Perhaps instead of writing much, I would just encourage you to answer some fundamental questions, that is - what do you mean when you say you identify as a woman? What about you makes you think so? What does being a woman mean to you? The reason I encourage to expand on those questions is because your post is very vague, and the reasons why you feel this way (or why you think you feel this way) are quite crucial to offer a meaningful advice, and perhaps trying to put it in writing would be a good way for you to explore those feelings in the first place.
     
    #5 Irisviel, Nov 29, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2016
  6. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,157
    Likes Received:
    293
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You realize you can keep the male parts and still be a woman right? Just because I'm trans doesn't mean I have to want the surgery right away, or ever. In fact that area, though I feel it's wrong and I'd like to fix it, is way down on the list of changes I want. I want boobs and other feminine features that people can actually see first.

    I identify as woman on the inside as well, but I can't explain this feeling. It just is, and it feels right. I've felt like this my entire life I just either didn't realize it or was fighting it
     
  7. Trace1496

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Birmingham, Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I appreciate all of the responses. It has given me a lot to think about.
     
  8. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    2,157
    Likes Received:
    293
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My research has shown me that, not only are you're feelings not unheard of, they're fairly common. Trans women commonly keep their penis, for a lot of reasons. Some even LIKE having it. There are times(like right now) that I feel I am one of them, though I do go through days where I wish I could just cut it off, mostly my feelings range from "meh" to I actually like it. It mostly only makes me mildly uncomfortable, which was my stage for YEARS, before I realized what was going on.

    There's no wrong way to be trans. :slight_smile: