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Ftm buying clothes for dance with mom. Help??

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Adamaniac, Nov 30, 2016.

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  1. Adamaniac

    Adamaniac
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Mississauga
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    I need help.

    Tomorrow I'm supposed to go shoping for clothes with my mom for my schools semi formal. The semi formal is the next day. The problem is is that my mom isn't all that accepting of me wearing guy clothes.

    A little bit ago my brother said I would be able to wear a suit to his wedding. I ended up going to the mall and I found a men's suit that fit suprisingly well. But when I showed my mom pictures she just went off on me and told me it looked horrible on me and that it didn't fit at all and that she didn't want me to "make a scene".

    So when I go shopping with her tomorrow, I know she will only allow me to try on girls clothes. It'll probably be only "VERY feminine" suits as she likes to put it, but I really am not comfortabe in anything that hugs my curves.

    What do I do? I have worn dresses the past two semi formals, and whenever I complain she just goes on and says how good I look in a dress.

    Should I try and convince her to let me buy men's clothes? (Although that seems very impossible)

    Or should I go behind her back? So instead I shop with friends before she meets me at the mall, I buy the clothes, give it to a friend so my mom doesn't question what I bought, I give in to her buying me girly clothes, and then change when I get to the semi formal hall??

    Or something else? Advice? ? And just to add in, I'm 16, and I am not out to anyone yet so I really don't know how I would be able to argue with my mom.
     
    #1 Adamaniac, Nov 30, 2016
  2. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Make a plan B first and then do it behind her back, if you can make the plan fast (chances are not in your favour)
    A stable plan B should consist of a flight route to a tolerant relative that is willing to let you live with him. Get a good knowledge of laws in case the argument will end up violent. Get yourself a safe space with a hidden cam, so you have proof in case. Avoid her as much as you can.

    Also you can get a job and get clothes with that money which you could probably hide at a friends house, if you want to make it defensive.
     
    #2 anthracite, Dec 1, 2016
  3. AnAtypicalGuy

    AnAtypicalGuy
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Gallifrey
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    My advice: first make one final attempt at convincing your mum to let you wear the suit. In an ideal world, she will give in, and minimal conflict will be caused. If that doesn't work, and you feel it is absolutely necessary to get that suit, prepare to sneak around behind her back -- but only if you are ready to deal with the consequences.

    Doing such things may largely damage her trust in you. She might be more wary about your whereabouts, and she might get suspicious of anything you do that seems out of the ordinary. She may even be able to actively restrict your outdoor activities since you're only sixteen years old. My mum does this to me. For that reason, I strongly urge you to consider coming out to someone who you know will support you, because you will need all the help you can get. If it weren't for me coming out to my best friend, there would be no way that I could get a binder or do anything in the ways of transitioning.
     
    #3 AnAtypicalGuy, Dec 1, 2016
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