Hi everyone, When I feel female, I need a way to express that, or at least to feel like I’m acknowledging that part of me, but I haven’t really found anything that’s sustainable in the long run. I have various clothes (hoodies, etc.) which are more feminine than masculine, and initially wearing them feels validating and comforting to my female side. But over time it becomes subject to the law of diminishing returns until it no longer validates me that way. It’s like…I feel that my female side is fairly “girly” but if all my attempts to connect with it are going to just become “meh” over time, then how am I truly going to get to understand what she’s like and give her a proper chance to be accepted and visible? I know how to validate my male side, that’s easy enough, but when I shift to female I can just end up feeling lost. I know I have to work out what to do about my female side, because her existence affects my life at least some of the time, but how? I can’t trigger her on demand. I can’t just wear a bunch of female clothes, for example, and say “treat me like a female” and expect a switch to happen. It doesn’t work like that. :bang: One thing I'd like to do if I could get this emotional mess sorted is to purchase one of those genderfluid necklaces where I can flip over a tab to adjust my pronouns according to how I feel, but right now I just don't think it's feasible. I mean, I feel female now, but theoretically I could spend days or weeks stuck in male and then when I switch I worry that people wouldn't take it seriously. :tears: And another thing: when I feel female, I don’t feel like I’m a woman, I feel like a young or teenage girl (I usually say “boy” for my male side out of convenience). How am I supposed to express that with my adult male body? Are people going to accept that I’m a man but also a girl? :icon_sad:
Hey Hats, I am just starting my own journey with being bigender, but I understand what you are going through. I also am learning how to validate that other side of me that is not the same as my sex assigned at birth. I understand the whole your female side doesn't feel like the same age as your male side. I have a similar thing. I am AFAB and my male side almost feels a few years younger than my female side. After reading your post, perhaps the reason your female identity feels younger is that it hasn't had a chance to be expressed and it needs time to mature and grow with you? I don't know if that makes sense or not. Indulge your female side perhaps with makeup or clothing that is more daring but within your style. Things can be feminine without being super girly (even just to start). Perhaps you could even try jewelry that is more feminine. If you aren't out, even just wearing it around the house on days you feel female or more female than male, could help to get to know that gender identity better. Hope this helps.
