After discussing the purchase of a binder on now three separate occasions, she has finally agreed... ...to discuss it with my doctor at my well child visit. Which isn't for another month and a half. Now, I know it seems like a good idea, and in normal circumstances, not that there are any anymore, I would agree. However, she only wants to wait because of a story that her (blatantly transphobic) friend told her about how her cousin's friend's 'daughter' was trying the 'new trans-something-or-other fad', her words, and was binding with ace bandages. She ended up with a broken rib and a nearly punctured lung, and now my mom is worried that I'll break my ribs by using a binder made for the purpose of chest compression. In all fairness, there is still the risk, but even after explaining to her that there was much less of a risk when using a binder instead of ace bandages and that there was usually no need for a doctor consultation when purchasing a binder if there are no current health problems that may be magnified by the use of a binder (there aren't, at least in my case), she still insists that I have to go to the doctor to 'ensure' that I won't break a rib. I almost told her that there was no ensuring that I didn't harm myself while wearing a binder, but I felt like that would hurt my chances. Long story short, I now have a month and a half that, if past experience leads me to be correct, will be a period of time during which I feel mainly masculine, to wait for a yes or no from my doctor, who, by the way, I don't have any way of telling if she supports LGBTQ+ people. I can't ever just default to thinking they will anymore. I do live in a fairly conservative state, after all... I'm worried about my own sanity more than anything else. The last time I had a long period of masculinity, I ended up getting really depressed and was almost driven to self-harm. I know it won't be long, but I have a very small group of supportive people to surround myself with, and I don't know if I can make it that long. Does anyone have any advice for getting through the waiting period?
Keep honoring your feelings, even if you can't bind. Yeah, it sucks, but it's going to suck a hell of a lot more if you try to keep things in a gendered place they don't fit. I get feeling physically ill, swampy inside, with deadened senses if I don't at least acknowledge my fluctuations. Try also doing something special about expressing femininity if you feel that. It'll make it so that if there's no action you can take yet to affirm your gender (like the role binding will someday play), it's still not quite the same as being shoved back into a feminine role. Also, try going topless when you're in private. Having no shirt on and having it be no big deal at all is such a masculine thing in western culture that just wandering around your own room without a shirt can help bring out a masculine feel. Try to cultivate a feeling of having nothing that needs hiding, rather than a feeling that something you want to hide is exposed. There's only so much control we have over our feelings, but the mindset itself is the part of this that helps me, not just having no shirt.
