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Courage...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by looking for me, Dec 5, 2016.

  1. looking for me

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    my question is, where can I find mine? I know I have to transition, that I have to be Sarah not ____. my fear is society, I haven't been scared of much since I was a teen but lately, when ever I consider becoming me im scared to death, I have a burning in my gut now even as I write this. so, any suggestions are most welcome....
     
  2. AnguishXx

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    That's a good question, I think most of us go through this... Some people can get strength from supporting friends, or family... if they have any. Joining LGBT groups helps as well. Or keeping in mind that transitioning is something they need to, and they are doing nothing wrong... although some really uneducated jerks may want to put you down. So I would say, don't let them win!

    (*hug*)
     
  3. StormyVale

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    Hey Sarah,

    I know that it is tough. It first starts with accepting that this person you are transitioning to is who you were meant to be. The fear stems from people not accepting you. I have that same fear in coming out as bigender to others. It is the fear they won't understand and wont accept you. However you cannot let that hold you back from being who you feel you are on the inside. That starts by being confident in yourself, so confident that it doesn't matter what people think because you are happy with who you are or are becoming. That is easy to say but not the easiest thing to do sometimes.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Hi Sarah :slight_smile:

    I'm looking for courage too, and I know how hard it is. But one thing I've taken from your posts is that you have amazing reserves of strength and courage!!! From all the things you've shared about your journey, I know you have the strength to be you, to live your truth.

    The things that feel most fearful to me are the same things that are raw and real and leave me feeling vulnerable. Those are also the most important things, that are core to my happiness. I suppose it's the same for you. You have the strength, you can do this, -and when you do, you will be a happier person, living your authentic self.

    As lily said, support from friends, LGBT groups, community in general can help. And keep posting, I find verbalising helps me sort through my feelings as well.
     
  5. BrookeVL

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    I have the exact same feelings as you do Sarah. I'm excited to finally be the real me, but I'm simultaneously terrified to. But like you, it's something I need to do, or I don't feel I will survive.....

    Hang in there. We both have a long road ahead, but it's totally worth it, and we'll be way happier at the end. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 6th Dec 2016 at 09:14 AM ----------

    This song has really been helping me and giving me some courage lately:

    [YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acZbW-CmUTA[/YOUTUBE]
     
  6. KitSylph

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    That's beautifully said, BaristaJedi.

    I've been terrified lately as I've taken step after step forward, but I've kept taking them. That doesn't feel like courage, but I think it must be.
     
  7. looking for me

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    doing it even if your scared is courage, my 'problem' is that I get so scared im freezing. like Im afraid that if I respond in the manner my "male" self would the blow back, physical or otherwise, will be too much for Sarah, if that makes any sense.
     
  8. KitSylph

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    Sarah, that makes perfect sense to me.

    I've been getting by with love, support, and reassurance from my partner and from a friend, with extra doses from here. Both the emotional input and the reality check are important to me.

    It is helping me to be in touch with what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and what I'm really afraid of. In my case, my reason has been that I have a part of my identity that has been badly neglected all my life. I'm reminded that I'm doing the correct thing when I realize that nothing else has ever helped with that. Trying to pretend it doesn't exist and do nothing has been terribly unsuccessful, so it helps me to know that I'm doing this because it's the appropriate and healthy thing for me.

    I was surprised this morning when I was figuring out what I was really afraid of. Being scorned by people everywhere is certainly high on the list, but I had to remind myself that gender and romantic roles are being forced into certain sometimes unnatural standards by the society around me, and that regardless of why that happens, it's wrong. What I mean is, it's important for me to work through my feelings of shame before I can work through my feelings of fear. I can't be courageous if I'm not clear that what I'm doing is right and proper and good (regardless of general opinion).

    Then I also realized that being scorned by everyone wasn't my biggest fear: that, it turns out, is that I will look or act so poorly in my new role that it will make my partner and/or me think of me as ugly, stupid, laughable, or monstrous (a collection of pieces that should never go together). Neither of us is feeling that way so far, but there's always the possibility. I just have to trust that my faith in myself and my partner's faith in me is strong enough that even if I do fail spectacularly in some way, I'll be able to pick up the pieces and try something different.

    Good look, honey. I'm rooting for you!
     
  9. looking for me

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    oh, that's hugh. it looms large for me too, that I will look like some sort of odd ball or freak and have to deal with the ridicule and the "slings and arrows". I love the girls who pass, seemingly effortlessly, but I know i'll never be one of them and that is what makes me so scared. especially in the early days of transformation.
     
  10. KitSylph

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    Sarah, I hope someone can speak from experience about this, but one thing I'm just starting to work on that might help us both is my voice. (I was born male, too, and I'm bi-gender, working on letting my female side come out completely when I'm in female mode.) Here are two links that seem really helpful. I can't promise these particular methods work yet, but l've heard trans women with beautiful voices that you'd never call anything but female (like Stef in the video), so I know it can be done. I think it should be easier for us to get out of that I'm-neither-one-nor-the-other experience if we sound as we want to.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/1ske7b/mtf_voice_training_regimen/

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6eTvS2wIUc
     
  11. looking for me

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    thank you for this, i'll check them out when I get some quiet time.
     
  12. BrookeVL

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    Also check out Sarah-N-Dipity's channel. You would never know by just her voice. She's also in her early 30's and started transitioning at my age, so she inspires me a lot, and let's me know that I'm not too old to pass effortlessly. I actually think she looked a bit like me, just with a slightly different face shape, but with softer not overtly masculine features.