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Queer? Questioning? WTF is Gender????

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ellis irl, Dec 13, 2016.

  1. ellis irl

    Regular Member

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    I'm a teenager, sophomore in HS, I am born female and I am so confused.

    I came out as gay to my friends, family, and pretty much everyone. Luckily I am a theater kid and everyone is so supportive. But liking girls isn't all that happens in my brain.
    I like girls, I like boys, I don't know if I am pan or bi or lesbian or anything. It's so frustrating. I feel like I shouldn't have boobs or a butt and instead, I should have no curves and be small and have a "boy like figure" and I feel most comfortable having a shaved head with a little bit of blue hair. But I also like sometimes wearing dresses, skirts, leggings, pastel colors, and bras (well no one really LIKES wearing bras haha). I sometimes wish my hair was long and I want great winged eyeliner. I am just scared to come out because I don't know what I am so my parents and friends wouldn't understand at all. It's really making me nervous so I came to this website. Please help.:help:

    also, if you know how to come out for name/ pronouns, please comment

    -Ellis.irl
     
  2. Hats

    Regular Member

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    Welcome to EC! (*hug*) If you like boys and girls then that sounds more like bi than lesbian. You’d be pan if you could be attracted to anybody regardless of their gender.

    As for your gender itself, discovering that can be tricky. You may want to break it down into a few questions, such as:

    1. If I were on an island with nobody else around to interfere, how would I identify myself?

    2. Do I want to be <gender> because I like the perks of the roles which come with that gender, or because I feel it is an accurate description of how I am inside?

    Finally, remember that gender expression (wearing dresses, skirts, etc.) doesn’t equal gender identity.
     
  3. ellis irl

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    Thank you for answering :slight_smile:
    I think I am pretty comfortable with the difference between gender expression on the outside and what I feel on the inside, but what I don't understand is really:
    I wake up some days and all I want to do is feel comfortable and content but when people call me my birth name (it's really feminine) that I want to jump out my skin and I hate when people refer to me as a girl but I'd rather want to be referred to with he/him/his pronouns. And then some days I feel like I want to get up and be the 2nd grade me who loved Disney Songs and wearing pink skirts and I want to go back to Ballet and I am fine with she/ her/ hers. And then some days I like to wear sweatpants or slacks and a tshirt and makeup and style my hair like geazy and I feel so gross having a girl body. And then sometimes I wake up and I just feel like gender doesn't matter at all and I want to shave my head and just live my life without a gender. And I just hate that feeling. All of them. I feel like somehow I am over-exaggerating everything and blowing things out of proportion (which I always think I'm doing ever since I got out of the hospital). I don't think I am a girl. And I am pretty sure that I want to be a girl sometimes but only like 20% of the time. But because I am at that age where it seems a whole load of people are making fun of genderfluid and genderqueer teenagers who were born female. (All the "cringeworthy genderfluid/ trans vines" on youtube), I don't want to be seen as a trend follower or a fake.
     
  4. Hats

    Regular Member

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    To me, a lot of that sounds like you’re actually genderfluid, because it’s not a case of “today I want to wear trousers” but “Today it feels wrong to be perceived as a female, even though that’s my birth sex.”
     
  5. StormyVale

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    I agree it definitely sounds like you are genderfluid. It is okay to be scared of how society will react to you or the backlash from people, but don't make it question what you feel.
     
  6. Mihael

    Full Member

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    At the risk of sounding clichee, you do you. If you are genderfluid, you are genderfluid. You are you and they are they. You are not obligated to take their opinions into consideration.