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Dealing with dysphoria when still in the closet?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ashen053, Dec 15, 2016.

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  1. ashen053

    ashen053
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    I hope this is the right place to post this, but yeah, as the title says, I've kind of hit a bit of a dilemma. I'm a trans guy, I've realised I was for just over a couple years now but I'm still stuck in the closet. There's various reasons why I haven't come out to family and offline friends yet, as much as I want to. Which means at the current time, I have to pretend to be, and look like a cis woman.

    Normally I can manage, it's not fun, but it's certainly bearable. But lately I've been experiencing a lot of dysphoria and it's been driving me insane. Every time I look in the mirror especially it just really hits me, this crushing feeling that I don't look masculine at all and I feel like a fraud. It leads me to doubt everything and usually fuels the dysphoria to worse levels.

    Obviously I can't to much to combat this, since even something as simple as cutting my hair short I'm too nervous to do in case my family suspects anything. I try not to focus on how I appear too much but that doesn't do anything either, because I just obsessively end up worrying about how "wrong" I look anyways.

    So I guess I was wondering if anyone has any tips or advice on how to manage, or at least ease dysphoria while not being able to do much because of still being in the closet? I've tried thinking of things, but I just can't seem to come up with anything.
     
    #1 ashen053, Dec 15, 2016
  2. Lazuri

    Lazuri
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    This might not be for you, but back when I was in the closet (and even when I hadn't admitted I was trans yet.) my best way of dealing with this was playing video games that allowed me to play as a female character. It was an excellent outlet for my femininity, especially in games that were very immersive.
     
    #2 Lazuri, Dec 15, 2016
  3. i am just me

    i am just me
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    Maybe you could start with some small things. You could cut your hair slightly shorter (I don't know about your situation but from my experience people don't usually assume you're trans even if you have short hair. If that's too much for now, you could buy some traditionally male underwear. Or maybe try a sport that makes you feel more masculine. At least that has helped for me. If you like acting you could join a drama club. There are often more girls than boys so chances are quite high that you can play a male role even if you're afab.
     
    #3 i am just me, Dec 15, 2016
  4. AnAtypicalGuy

    AnAtypicalGuy
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    I know you just said that you wouldn't want to cut your hair, but getting it done helped me immensely. As i am just me said, people don't usually assume you are trans just because you get a haircut (although some may assume you're a lesbian). It may also help to find somebody to talk to about this, such as a friend. Having just least one person with whom I can be myself has been a huge relief for me. I also wear a lot of masculine clothes, which I've always done regardless of what my parents think. I get my parents off my back by putting on some eyeliner haha. Finally, going online to groups and forums like EC is great because there you can be yourself without anybody questioning you.
     
    #4 AnAtypicalGuy, Dec 16, 2016
  5. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Nobody suspects a thing until you say it really. I passed in front of people and they still didn't suspect.
     
    #5 Mihael, Dec 16, 2016
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