Sometimes we think we know the meaning of words. Positivity is a word that doesn't always factor for me. I've had a tough life, not the toughest but tough nonetheless. I declare myself a realist because it protects me from the impact of negative shit happening. But to be honest? I'm a negative person. And I know where it comes from...who it comes from. I try to be the best version of myself but I know I fall short sometimes. I give where I can and think of others. It doesn't always translate to people though. But, I'm learning. I'm not young but I'm not old either. There are still teachings to take advantage of. Having recently met someone that means a lot to me and I her, it's given me a new pair of glasses. She's uncomplicated and I need that. She's teaching me the meaning of happiness and positivity. I also need that. Yesterday, I told my line manager that I am trans and I am transitioning. He was supportive and it's going to come out at work in January in a structured way. Also, I received contact from a gender clinic that can provide me with the counselling sessions I need to tick the box of the gender clinic I am signed up to. They also mentioned that they can take over the service if I wish. So I have options. Positivity now has a whole different meaning to me. I look at my future with hope and happiness. I am excited. Not fearful. I am the master of my destiny and every decision I make, it is for my well being. How has your transition caused you to see differently? Have you changed as a person?
It's really nice you've met someone who can help you feel positive. It really does make a difference when you have someone like that in your life! I also met a guy last year who just was positive about everything all the time. We both care about each other a lot. I'd say there is lots of damage to work through but he wants to help me overcome my past and all my issues. It's really a nice feeling without transitioning I don't think I would had the chance to meet him, I would have never been confident and more social had I stayed in the closet, it has allowed me to slowly become the person I was always meant to be even outside of gender. Socializing is still really tough but before transitioning I'd sit in my father's basement all day. Now I have a really great best friend that I live with, I wouldn't have met her either had I not transitioned. It's truly a great thing to be able to reflect on. Not only does transitioning help us on a more personal level with liking our body but it also allows us to blossom into the person we really are and accomplish things you may have thought impossible. I still have lots to work through but I have been ever slowly changing for the better.
Since coming out and starting my transition, I've accepted that I am negative and sad and lonely all the time and being transgender and bisexual are only parts of the reason why. Before I came out, I tried to deny everything. Now I tell myself I know it's true and I tell myself how much it sucks. I suppose that's a step in the right direction.
