Struggling with identity.

While I was brought up an atheist and was very much aware that I was not cisgendered while still part of an atheist household, my mother has recently become a Jehovah's Witness. My parents are divorced and my father is much more supportive of me, but my mother's new beliefs are pushing me away from her and I fear the effects that these teachings will have on my relationship with my younger siblings, who are beginning to believe these teachings.

I'm struggling to work out my confusion about my gender identity since I can't express myself or talk about my feelings to most of my family. On top of that, I am very large chested with an obviously feminine figure but I aspire towards androgyny. Because my figure is so impossible to disguise, I get really stressed and self-conscious when I wear trousers or generally and tight fitted clothing because it reminds me of how WRONG my body is, how I can't look the way I want to. This means I generally wear very feminine clothing, but even then I often feel terrible.

Only one of my friends understands my problems, and this person (of varying pronouns, hence the odd phrasing) is my ex, which isn't generally an issue but makes things a bit difficult at times. I feel trapped in a body that's the wrong shape and, for the next couple of years, a life that is trying to prevent me from being myself and I'm just completely lost as to what to do.

Thus concludes my extended rant. If anybody could help me, give me advice, whatever, it'd be brilliant.

 

Thanks, that's really helpful. It's nice to have someone give me advice. I'm usually really logical, except with my own problems.