When did you feel certain about your gender identity?

For me I knew I would have preferred to have a female body (to be more in tune with my mind and my sexual desires) ever since I can remember. Even before I acknowledged myself as a sexual being. The only reason I didn't transition during my teens or early 20's it was that during my early childhood and early teen years I didn't really knew that was possible at all, and in my later teen years and early adulthood I genuinely feared for my life if anyone found out, and I was in no position to support myself had I been cut off by my parents, let alone cover the cost of all the transition procedures.

Later, by the time I was financially independent my (flowing beautiful golden) hair had thinned out a LOT, my masculine body features were more accentuated so I realized the transition results won't be up to snuff at all (I am very exigent with myself and my looks), so decided to make the best of the current situation, and maybe find a partner that would love to treat me as a woman, even if I am still in this male body.

A strict top gay man maybe, or a woman who does not like to be penetrated, but would rather wear stap-ons and dominate her partner. It is frustrating at times, I feel I have all this love and passion that I would like to offer to the right person and make them the center of my universe (not gonna say "my master", even though sometimes those are the words that pop in my head ) , but is hard finding someone compatible where I am at. Truth be told, never had the courage to actually put myself out there, there's still actual danger in the society I live in, and still very much fear for my life.

Until going in therapy there' was no doubt about the fact that my mind was female, ever. The only doubts I had were about how would I choose to live my life in a male body, in a society that would hate me if they ever found out how I really was.

After going in therapy, there was some doubt emerging when my therapist told me to consider a possibility. A possibility that this desire for a different body might be triggered by childhood trauma, and not come from my actual self, might not be be who I really am. I wanted to believe that because it would make everything so much simpler. Imagine just to wake up one one day to be happy in the body tha i have without having to transition...Sounds wonderful, doesn't it ? But as much as I want to believe that scenario and I see it has merit from a logical standpoint , I don't click with it when I look in my heart, at what my desires are, sexually. So I try question the source of my desires, but at the same time I cannot deny they are oh so very real.

 

I've been uncertain about my gender for a long time. But, I think the more I think about it the clearer it gets. For a while when I was younger, I thought my gender was male. But, once I learned about nonbinary genders, I have always identified with them afterwards. I have had different nonbinary genders I have identified with, so I have debated on whether or not I am also genderfluid. But, I at least know for sure now I am nonbinary.

 

I identify as somewhere on the spectrum of nonbinary. I have no idea where exactly I am, but I also don't want to find an exact label for me anymore. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a boy and walked around looking like one. During puberty I gave in to being a girl. After I started university in another province, all the questioning returned and I became kind of obsessed with it. This time of confusion lasted about three months. Since the beginning of December, I am sure that I am neither 100% male nor 100% female. I have a gut feeling about it, I don't want to be perceived as a woman or a man and I am very uncomfortable when being referred to as a woman. But this doesn't mean that I don't have doubts. Sometimes I ask myself if I am actually ftm and sometimes I tell myself that I am just a woman with unusual character traits and interests.

To sum it up: Yes, I think doubting is normal.

 

I didn't know I was trans as a child. I identified as a girl, and I was fine with that.

When I was 14 I came to identify as genderqueer for 4-6 months. I don't really remember the thoughts that went with that, other than not feeling like a girl. Then I shoved myself back into denial for four years, all the while having distinctly not-cis-girl thoughts like the classic, "Does this [bra/shirt/jumper] make me look flat?"

I re-realised I was trans last March. Lying in bed one night, I realised the reason I so hated getting fancy/posh female clothing was that I didn't want to be seen as a woman. I went, "Oh shit, I'm trans. Shit, this is gonna suck." I was certain transition would be good (even though I hadn't decided what I was going to do or when, if ever), but for the next nine months I kept questioning my identity and not being sure. Sometimes I strongly feel male, but sometimes I don't, and when I don't feel male I questioned whether I was trans at all and I doubted my male feelings.

I talked this over with a therapist, who didn't provide advice but was helpful in getting me to unpick my own thoughts and stop panicking about it. When I went to university in the autumn, I started under a new name socially. I thought that would make me certain of my gender, but while it has been great to be known and treated as male and I became even more certain this was right for me, I kept second-guessing whether I was actually trans.

In December I realised I am genderfluid with my gender fluctuating between "male" and "neutrois", and I can now be certain of my identity as an identity that changes. My doubts have gotten a lot better (even though they haven't gone away altogether) now that I can understand myself in this way and I know that "not feeling male" is not the same as "feeling female".

I also recently realised that if I'm not certain of my gender but I'm certain I want to transition, well, it doesn't really matter what my gender is -- I can still transition and be happy. That is another way to be transgender. And if I go back to being a girl someday, that's okay; it's just another stage in my life, and I could go and be a guy again after that, and it's all okay. And if I could be happy as a girl (which seems impossible right now, but let's just assume for the sake of argument), that's irrelevant to whether I will be happy as a guy (which I am). And my gender being definitely 100% male wouldn't automatically tell me I should transition; that is a choice I must still make for myself.

Basically, recently I've taken the focus off my identity and onto what I want to do, letting that shape who I am instead of the other way around. My therapist tried to get me to do this six months ago, but I couldn't, back then. Now I present as male, I'm on the waiting list for a Gender Identity Clinic, I'm out to almost everyone, and I'm legally changing my name next month. I'm glad to be at this point and I am confident in my future.

So I've questioned for a long time (six months to a year... it's hard to quantify) and I've been certain for very little time (a couple days to a couple weeks... again, it's hard to quantify). What made me realise my identity was that I did not want to be a woman, and then that I did want to be a man; what made me be certain was finding a label through which I could understand the doubts that did not go away.

 

I started questioning my gender identity when I was 16, when I started to really experience physical dysphoria, and I chose an obviously male identity, Kyle, to link these feelings to- so that when I was experiencing this confusion about my gender identity, I now had an identity that I could connect with and feel comfortable in.
I can't remember exactly when I found the term 'genderfluid', but I do remember that it was something I struggled with, because I had a problem in believing that 'someone like me' could be queer and a part of the LGBTQ+ community- I always kept doubting my identity and wondering whether it was just all made up in my head because I was desperate to be a 'special snowflake' or something.
However, I think the moment when I accepted my identity and was more certain of it than I ever had been was when I found the name 'Kye', and then took the step to ask my bandmate to call me by it instead of by my birth name, and he then encouraged me to ask our shared group of friends to call me by it as well, which they have done since
That experience of being accepted socially as a genderfluid individual has really helped me to be more certain of my identity and that this is who I am, and that it's perfectly ok to identify in this way.

 

I wasn't certain I was genderfluid, but at the young age of around 7 or so I started to experience serious bouts of penis envy. I was also more in tune with my male side. Yet as I got older, I grew aware that I also had a female side that was very quiet, and a prominent neutral gender. I am comfortable with my genderfluid identity, but only for myself.

 

How long did you go through a questioning phase?

In a way, my entire childhood. But things became much more confusing and stressful beginning with adolescence. When I began considering whether I was "transgender," at about fifteen, it took two years of complete and utter obsessive thinking to be absolutely sure.

We're you uncertain about what gender you are for a long time before finally acknowledging that you're male/female?

Yes. I wanted to be cis-female, honestly, so that I wouldn't have to endure the pain of transitioning and possible loss of relations with my family. Accepting that I was and always will be male... was difficult, to say the least.

What was it that made you say, I know my gender?

The simple fact that everything I've gone through and more importantly the way I think about things (related to gender) makes zero sense coming from a girl. Before deciding I would indeed transition, I tried to argue with myself and come up with a compromise to alleviate the symptoms of being "like this." I decided that I would cut all my hair off, become athletic, get a hysterectomy (I thought doctors just gave these away for some reason), and wear a binder. But then the remaining issues would be name and pronouns as well as the still existing chest. So I consigned myself with the thought that maybe I would be lucky to get breast cancer.

And then I realized how absurd all of this is, coming from a "girl." I finally did some introspection and cut the bullshit. I know I am a man. This is an unalterable fact.

Is this something that you've always known as long as you can remember?

No, as a child I had only a vague discomfort and disconnect, mainly because being a "tomboy" was allowed. During adolescence, with physical aspects setting in, I truly began questioning my identity.

And what about folks who identify as genderqueer, do you feel a certainty about that identity, or do you feel uncertainty about whether you're male or female?

Not applicable.

 

Hi

I didn't seriously start questioning my gender till I was around 14/15? As a little kid I didn't feel any dysphoria or discomfort at all, I was probably more of a "tomboy" but the whole toy store was my heaven, regardless of which gender the toys were marketed at.

The dysphoria only started when I hit puberty (round 12). I had a really hard time dealing with it and everything just went downhill from there. I only started questioning my gender identity a few years later though.

I spent a very long time questioning/denying/thinking about it. It probably took me a year before I even accepted the fact that I might possibly be transgender. Then it took me another 9 months or so to come to terms with it all the while questioning.

When I eventually came out, I wasn't at all ready to tell the world. I was terrified, I hadn't accepted myself and I was still very confused and I regretted it for a while. But it was worth it! After coming out and socially transitioning and having people refer to me using male pronouns and my new name I fully realised I was trans and had no more doubt in my mind

I'm not sure what advice I can give but getting people to call me by male pronouns and using my chosen name really helped confirm my feelings. I think it really helped me to talk about it with someone. Maybe if you have a close friend or someone you trust? It's a lot easier when you don't have to go though it all alone.

 

I'm still not 100% certain.

 

as a kid i liked playing the "girl" games/activities rather than the boys. as a teen i discovered female clothing and such, and later 'transgender' porn... still didn't know that transition was even possible.

later i learned about trans people, and that it was possible to go there.....:eek::eusa_danc.

realized i wasn't cis after i came out to myself as Bisexual and classified myself as bi-gender, but more male than female, now it's switched and there is a very small part of ____ here and mostly Sarah.

the question was answered when my therapist asked me to tell her what would i do if i had all the money needed (lotto) or a magic wand to change my body to match my mind...
" mmmm, get my hair back, fix my smile, get rid of the body hair, get boobs, hips, bum, genitals (if it's a magic wand), and just be....her..." she smiled and said 'no cis male would say that, that they'd change to a female form'

so now there's a new question, how do i bring Sarah from the space between my ears to the greater world, and do it safely.

does this help Jedi?

 

I'm still not certain. I'm more masculine than feminine, but I don't want to have sugary on my downstairs... Maybe on my top and maybe HRT but... Yeah. Transgender is what I am, I believe. So, I've been certain of that since... Now.

 

What led me to realize my nonbinary status was my persistent uncertainty in my gender identity, expression, and how others viewed me. This is because I am an extremely self aware person; I've been told by many people in my life, including therapists, that I have a very sure and clear-cut vision of my personality, motives, my unconscious actions, and my reasons for doing them, even if I don't always have the answers to fix them, and also that I am extremely psychologically in-tune towards analyzing others intentions and motives as well and being correct about them. For some reason, the only part of me that never lined up was how I experienced gender-- and that is because, I didn't understand why others viewed me the way that they did when I felt I was being so clear with my expression and actions, and that is because of how others were taught to read certain gender signals, not intentions, which confused me greatly because I found it so easy to just ignore gender completely and see past all these "signs". It caused me quite a lot of distress, but, knowing that I was different in this aspect, I assumed for many years that my experiences were shared by everyone. For such a sure person, I know that the one thing I have never been certain of once in my life is my gender identity, because many aspects of it I don't feel at all, or I relate to all of them (so its just a performance?) but I learned to wear a gendered mask to navigate society... being certain of this ever-changing, flowing feeling though lets me be assured though that I can trust my feelings and no longer have to fight them, though.

 

I questioned a lot in my teens, before I had any identity, then I was sure of my gender identity at 17. My core identity has never really changed but in terms of how and where I am comfortable expressing (or explaining) my identity, that's been an ongoing struggle.

 

Looking in the mirror one day and seeing a girl looking back at me pretty much sold me. That and the hours of constant research to figure out what I was feeling and why. I always liked more feminine things, liked being around girls and trying to be with them instead of boys (which doesn't really mean anything, but it makes a point), I liked purses, I like girly stuff. I also wasn't comfortable with having short hair, so I grew it out. Then I saw myself in the mirror, hair wet from the pool and all messy, and I saw a pretty girl looking back at me. My sister would say she was a tomboy when we were really young, and I would say I was a tomgirl (which I'm told isn't a word, but you get the idea). I basically have always preferred girly and feminine things. When I learned about sexuality through porn when I was like 10 (don't ask) I was like "Huh. What is this? A man and another man doing it? What's this?" You know? I soon learned of transsexuality through porn as well (I know, it sounds bad) and I actually quite liked the idea (of there being people who were both genders sort to speak. Keep in mind I was like 12 at the time), it stuck to me for quite some time. I've done a lot of questioning the past few years, I originally felt like a gay boy, but it still didn't quite feel right. That and the fact that I was being told it was evil and against the bible and stuff. But that didn't stop me from questioning. I always kind of teased around at the idea in the back of my mind, until I started to take it more seriously and Google my feelings. I searched "What does it mean of you're a boy who wants to be a girl?" And I discovered that transsexuality is a real thing, and I was a textbook case. All the feelings I had matched what I found on the Internet. I went into a deep questioning period and started to do more and more research and I was just like "This is me. I must be transsexual, there's no way I'm not. This is me." I felt like I discovered who I am and it felt great and thought I had found the answer to life. Little did I know that quite a bumpy road laid ahead.


But yeah, I was questioning after I saw myself in my bathroom's mirror. I swear I saw a girl in my reflection. I still she myself as a girl from time to time. It just really fit, like a glove. I'm happy now that I've accepted it and I have a goal to transition and live as a girl. I want to become the girl I saw in the mirror when I was 13. I'm much happier with femininity. What sold me was years and years of struggling with who I am, a harsh environment, and a round of surprise feelings every now and then. I have always preferred girls, femininity, etcetera. All the stuff I mentioned just helped me realize who I am and better understand my feelings. But yeah, seeing a girl look back at me as a stood in front of the mirror (I had like cheek-length hair) with my hair covering the sides of my face sold me on what I was feeling. I saw a girl with freckles, pink cheeks, and a hairstyle like Ellie from The Last if US but black (my hair looks black when wet) and I stood there for a good twenty minutes playing with my hair until I changed my clothes and left the bathroom. But she was there, she's here. She's me, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make her real and to bring her out where she belongs. My curiosity peaked and I ended up discovering myself and identifying my feelings of wanting to be a girl and live a feminine life. I'm a text book case of transsexuality. It took seeing my true self in the mirror to know something was up and I needed to do more research. I found myself, and I need to explore myself even more. I want to be a girl, I want to be the image I saw in the mirror. I want Natasha Elyssa to come out and become not a dream, or desire, but a real person. She is real, she is me. I still might change my name again, but seeing her smirk at me in the mirror is something that'll never change. I feel that I need to let my inner self free, that's another thing that makes me certain. I love femme things, and the idea of being the person I always wanted to be. She peeks out from time to time and reminds me of who I really am. I am a textbook transsexual. That's really all I have to say about it. I was sure the second I found myself and discovered that I match the criteria and description of transsexuality. You know? I guess I kind of knew all along, but it took some questioning and research to be certain. At least that's what I think. I realize that my story isn't so great here, but I assure you that I was certain when I saw my ture self. ^-^ <3

 

I went through all of my childhood thinking I was female. It never crossed my mind that I was male, but only because I didn't know it was possible to be "born female" and yet not be female. In fact, I didn't know that transgender men existed until a couple of years ago. I started questioning my gender around a year ago, and I know that it went on for some time because I was still questioning when I signed up to EC. I can't say exactly when my questioning phase ended simply because I can't recall when that moment occurred, though I know I became certain that I was male after having a go at presenting as male for a weekend. Sounds kinda odd, but that was what I did. At first I felt very nervous, but when a stranger referred to me as a male I felt a kind of happiness that I had never felt before. I later learned that was gender euphoria.

Having said that, I don't think it's possible for everybody to be certain about their gender. I happen to be a typically masculine guy, but I know many others that don't fit quite as easily into the binary genders. The lines between different genders and sexualities can get blurry rather easily, so it's understandable that some people remain confused for a long time. I personally have no idea what to call my sexuality.Bottom line, you don't need to pin down an exact label for your gender identity, because labels don't work for everyone. And if you really want to use a label, you don't have to be too specific.

 

Niggling as a child, but more in the form of wanting to look and act male, rather than consciously questioning - I simply wanted to BE. Questioning was on and off over the teens and early twenties, because I buried it through shame. Mid twenties is when I really uncovered the feelings and came to terms with it after completely shaking the shame and allowing myself to feel. I explored what I liked, what I wanted and how I currently look.

 

I have been floating around in unexpected places with my gender all my life. Simialrly to some people here, I felt like a boy as a kid, become accustomed to being a girl as I developed into one, but I could never really live up to it so now I'm quite happy to connect with the boyish energy inside me and embrace a bit of androgyny and dress masculinely (which is a relief because men's fashion was the only fashion I've ever been that into). But I avoid being plagued by confusion by not even trying to seriously label it. Since I have no problem with female pronouns and I would rather not have any sort of medical intervention, I see no problem with being called a woman even if it's not painting a full picture. It's not my problem if people think I'm a weird woman.

 

My questioning lasted several years. I found my understanding of gender to shift, in the first place. For most of my life, I understood myself as a girl. Because that's what I've been assigned. Because I saw myself as a girl, felt okey with being a she and he sounded foreign, because I disliked stereotypical masculinity. Because I never questioned, because I felt like I couldn't question and shouldn't cross the line, and I didn't feel comfortable crossing the line, because this was soemthing unknown. I didn't "seem trans" by any criterion. I fitted the mold of a somewhat non-conforming girl.

In childhood I thought that people were not born girls and boys, but it was an arbitrary assignment, and I was okey with my assignment. I was raised in a fairly liberal manner. Puberty is when I was first confronted with a "real world" womanhood. I'd say I reacted like any teenager. But... I'm not sure... Everyone expected me to feel certain things that were missing in my soul. I did what everyone did, but it was not my puberty, it was outside expectations, I didn't truly go through all that. Everyone acted like fools, I kept my cool, everyone was surprised why I'm acting like an adult, because if I had to go with the flow, I'd do what guys did, like play football, viedo games and fight, and that was not acceptable - or I didn't have the strength or courage to go against others' opinions, so I just sat in my head imagining I could do all the things I wanted. I still understood myself as a girl and all that - as patriarchy and oppression of women. For some time, I had no idea most women are being genuine. I went through a period of being uncomfortable with my body, but it was because I associated this body with all the "should"s I hated, and saw a direct link between all those unpleasant experiences from the outside world and my body changing. At about 14 I suddenly looked like a fully mature woman, they sold me alcohol when I wore high heels and a bit o make-up, and they didn't ask me for ID, and I'd say... since then I'm rather getting more androgynous in terms of how my body is. How does that relate to the story? One day I realised that my thoughts and feelings are more like those of boys at some very basic level, and that the other girls were being genuine, and hence it's not patriarchy, it's not oppression (I thought they must be pretending, I thought it's violence pressuring women to behave like women, because how come...?), and this realisation freed me from discomfort with my body, I realised that being female is whatever I make it, there's no real baggage, and I'd mark that as the beginning of questioning.

Then. I found the concept of the sex of the brain, and I knew mine was "opposite". I realised that I might not entirely feel like a girl, but I didn't realise that me identifying more with guys means I feel like one, so I wondered if I'm demigirl, genderqueer, agender, because I didn't fit the typical trans narrative, I wasn't a tomboy, nor did I hate my boobs or feel like my period shouldn't be there (even if I was distressed about it). I gravitated somewhat towards androgyny and cross-dressing, but that was about it and probably within teenage norm. That lasted several years. Some 2 years ago I started to consciously put effort into seeming less like a woman, and after a couple of months it payed off, because I started to pass somewhat, and I really liked it, ha ha. I identified as gender fluid back then, because I understood my shifts in perception of myself or contextual changes in behaviour as gender fluidity. Which is how many people look at it. I'm more in the middle in terms of how I express myself, I have never been super masculine or super feminine, and gender identity is not about it. About that year ago, I kept on questioning myself, and with that some degree of passing, with that androgyny, I started to realise that in truth, even though I don't inentfy with the stereotypes of masculinity, I identify in a masculine way, I identify more as a man than a woman, and it's been underlying my whole journey. Certainty, no, I don't have certainty, because gender is elusive in nature, and I'm comfortable not being certain, allowing some room for ambiguity. Since then I questioned a lot if I'm genderqueer or binary trans, because I don't experience my gender like most trans men do, I feel good in my body by itself, I need to express my identity somehow, but being a female and occasionaly femming it up is okey. I refuse to be defined by my gender, be it the physical or the mental one. I look at it all more from a practical point of view, like everything has its upsides and downsides. I may not feel like a woman, but I want to live this life as a woman, even if an odd one, because being a woman has many advantages that I value. By being female I don't suddenly become a different person, and my whole life is a proof. Moreover, being a woman and a girl carries many experiences that difined me as a person, and by transitioning, I would give up an important part of myself. Now I settled on "you do you" kind of conclusion. I'm not sure if my identification with men is not melting away, if hormones didn't finally have their go after so many years of resistance on the part of the content of my skull - but I still choose to identify as trans, because being a boy in a body of a girl has formed me to become the person I am, and I'm sure it will always be with me in one form or another, just like the femaleness of my body. Maybe it's coming to terms with my dientity fully that has allowed me to transcend it - not the hormones.

Good journey through identities, isn't it? It's been like... a war between what I thought or assumed about myself, what others say about me and how they judge me, and - who I really am. I am a free human being who was born with a brain-body "mismatch" (quotation marks, because who am I to judge it?).