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Getting diagnosed and acceptance

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Cailan, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. Cailan

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    How many people here have actually been diagnosed by a doctor/counselor, compared to self-diagnosis? Is it part of just signing up for counseling?

    I don't feel comfortable saying I *am* anything until I have that diagnosis from someone who is actually qualified and experienced. I'm still a bit worried I may be wrong, and it's "something else." I have no idea what else it might be, but diagnosing one's self on Dr. Google isn't typically known as the most accurate means of getting to the right answer, even if you think it's right. My husband thinks I may be diagnosed as more transgender than bi-gender.

    Also, for my extended family, particularly my aunt and cousins, saying "I think I am," will only get me scoffs and eye rolling from relatives who will inevitably tell me "it's just a phase." :rolle: They're still insisting my atheism is just a teen phase I haven't grown out of yet, and I will see the light soon. My more religious relatives will, I am sure, will decide that my atheism has led to my moral decline and downfall, and use me as an example for their children and grandchildren of how atheism ruins lives. :bang:

    My mom is mildly autistic, and everything to her is about evidence. I can't see her as being anything but supportive, she's so liberal and accepting sometimes her brain falls out, but once she gets over the shock of my telling her this at the age of 47 I will need some kind of proof for her to accept it as real.
     
  2. BrookeVL

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    I believe I have been diagnosed as my therapist told me she would feel comfortable writing me an hrt note whenever I ask for it. This was after our first session. That's an informal diagnosis if nothing else.

    I believe it does help us, as we can say for sure when we come out...
     
  3. Rachyl

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    I have been diagnosed as transgender. Although it took three counsellor sessions and a psychiatrist visit to get that. total time from start to that particular point was six months.
     
  4. Kodo

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    I was diagnosed... sort of?

    My therapist, who I stopped going to because they made me uncomfortable, understood what I explained as dysphoria. Or seemed to. So I was "confirmed" as definitely dysphoric. But this was a Christian therapist, who only somewhat tried to alleviate the clinical depression and basically ignored me being trans (at one point telling me I should "stop thinking about that" because I couldn't transition at this point in my life).

    I guess what I'm saying is that I was, in a politely condescending manner, diagnosed as "not a normal 'female'."
     
  5. WarmEmbrace

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    Who gave the diagnosis:

    After the first two months of 3 one hour sessions per week, my therapist (who is one of the few in the country who specializes in LGBT cases over here) said that she would of course sign the papers certifying the disorder if I would ask her to.

    Currently - Four years in. Still haven't asked her to sign them, but getting really close now specially since the only thing keeping me from it, my previous relationship ended. and I am free to pursue any path now (my ex had forbidden me from taking any transition steps while I was with her, she very much liked my male body as it were).

    Also many more years of going round and round in mental circles and trying to convince myself that this desire to have a proper attractive woman body is a wrong desire to have, and something I can learn to not have, something I cannot possibly attain anyway if I want to live in this society and be accepted so i'd better stop wanting that. Screaming at myself to stop wanting that. Giving myself stern talks. Slaps across the face. All this only made me more miserable and disconnected from everyone because when I failed to stop wanting it, I felt I was this irrecoverable monster that should be shunned away. I was building mental walls and keeping my distance thinking I was protecting everyone else from my deviant self. Ordering sex toys, realizing that there's very limited pleasure that I get with anal sex with a dildo, that what I want is a vagina and boobs and to make love to a man who loves me back and thoroughly enjoys me having a vagina and boobs. Then feeling supremely guilty for this exploration, and throwing away all the sex toys three days after I had bought them. More stern talks given to myself. Buy another set of sex toys and a wig. Throw them away again. Long story short : I don't recommend anyone to put themselves through this hell willingly, not even for one day.

    Something that is right under my nose every day: my 2D/4D finger ratio confirms lower than average T exposure while in the womb.



    Diagnosis details
    After the first year of therapy when we could talk a LOT more freely, my therapist said that I am an atypical transgender case in her eyes, because there was also a very traumatic childhood that could have influenced things (she thinks I might have not developed in a transgender direction and might have been able to cope with it and be content as a man if some of that trauma would have been correctly dealt with at that time), so there are more layers that we should look at, but it takes time, so I should consider that possibility as well before deciding to start any irreversible steps of the transition. She thinks my dysphoria could perhaps still be lessened significantly without transition, and that i can find a relationship that would make me happy without transitioning (and I so wish I could believe that). She said that I seem statistically more resilient , determined, balanced, and stronger, better able to stand on my own two feet and cope with things than the average M2F transgender case she's come across.

    Where does that balance and resilience show: well, as toughs as things got, I never did drugs to escape (except occasionally eating sweets and sodas :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:, guess sugar is kinda a drug :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: ), also decided that I would not like to numb my mind so never resorted to regular anti depressants only some light plant based supplements for better sleep, and even so only three or four times in my life when things got really bad and suicidal thoughts were starting to pop up in my head and I had to argue with myself and fight them off :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: ; I don't smoke, don't drink excessively ( one-two glasses of wine per week) , I am quite able to take care of others ( including my awesome cat :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:, even though I can't seem to get her to lose weight :/) , highly monogamous when in relationships, never at any time led a promiscuous life, no STD's, managed to motivate myself to do well at work in spite of everything, didn't accumulate any debts, house owner, never went parting with the wrong crowd, I drive safe, never got as much as a parking ticket, still read a lot of books, not mono-faceted, still focusing on personal growth outside the transgender area, and I cook (nothing complex mind you, basic stuff and some cookies) do my own housework with a very good level of diligence :slight_smile:, I go out try and have fun with friends, I look after my health and work out .

    All in all I try my best to not let the dysphoria crush me. I push back with all I got. I might not like this male body, but is the only body I have so at least we have a symbiotic relationship where I keep it in tip top shape, and it allows me to interact with the physical world :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:.

    So back to therapy and diagnosis: my therapist does constantly try to open up my eyes of the added complications of late life transition, because while early life transition has very good results, late life transition results often leave a lot to be desired, and I as am super exigent with myself in regard to looks, ( I do have very specific goals ) she thinks that once the results might turn not out to be what I had dreamed of, the risk for even more severe depression is quite real, and post transition life is significantly tougher, even for someone who is more resilient, so i'd be "out of the frying pan and into the fire".

    I occasionally do fashion illustration so... yes she is right I have a very defined goal of how I want to look as a woman, high standards , and I fear that these goals might not be attainable with today's methods. She tells me that given my goals, there are only two SRS/GRS clinics in the world that she recommends me I should ever consider (one in US one in Thailand), and nothing else.


    Acceptance
    In regard to acceptance. Mentally i've accepted that my mind is like this and i have to make the best of it. Physically, my acceptance level sucks. . If i don't deliberately decide to ignore my body, I am in constant distress. This has caused a lot of issues in bed for me, in all my relationships. Mirrors hate me and I passionately hate them back :slight_smile:. Maybe If i find a gay guy who I love and who would be really into me sexually, mind and body, and he would tell me that he loves both my submissive behavior and my body, then maybe I can stop being so troubled about it? Maybe then i'll be more comfortable in this "configuration"? Don't know. Sounds possible. Will have to try.


    The only "mirror" I could ever look in so far without a visceral feeling of disgust, were the love filled eyes of my ex. My ex was/is a incredibly masculine girl in her behavior and attitude towards life, I loved her a lot and I thought we could complement each other and honesty hoped she could also see the real me and love me and not just the body I was in. She wasn't masculine at all sexually though. In bed i would have to be the dominant/top/ alpha etc, for her to be happy which was a polar opposite of everything else.

    She did say, one year in our relationship, when we bought our first apartment together, that she wanted me to keep the guy body, and that transitioning was out of the question (I had told her that i am in therapy for transgender issues before we even started anything together). That we'd be just friends if I ever transitioned. And that I should start to be okay with being a guy and stop acting childish. I didn't realize back then that she was actually asking me put back the male mask, because she did not want a relationship with the woman inside me. I told her "Babe, please don't get upset with me, yeah, I can fake it for a while for you, but there will be days when I can't be mentally be "the guy"". And that's when the love in her eyes started to dwindle. These words hurt her. She felt invalidated and unloved as a woman, which in a way was true, I did love her dearly, more than anything , but did so thinking of her as a man, not as a woman from the first day we were together.

    Right there and then I should have had the power to say. "Babe I love the masculine side of you, but you want me to love the woman in you. Likewise, you don't love the real me, but the male image i project in public. You are asking me to fake it. All this will just turn me again into a twisted person, an empty shell; at best I would use the male behavior models burried in my mind to please you and will become a copy of my abusive father, that you will eventually stop loving. He was not a nice person."
    I couldn't say that, I couldn't think clearly. I was too terrified of losing her. So I put back the mask, to be accepted. I even interrupted the therapy sessions two years later when she had asked me to. I think she thought that if I stop seeing a LGBT therapist I'd stop having transgender thoughts.
    Five years later, she realized herself that the mask I had to put on for her was not okay for her, and my genuine self was not a guy. So I was out. Still that first year when I could dare to hope someone was seeing the real me, and loving the real me, it was the best year of my life.

    I want to feel like that again, and maybe transitioning will get me there, because the option or the necessity for me for the to hide behind the male mask for acceptance will permanently be out of the way. As they say "If you want to take the fucking island, burn your fucking boats". Cut your usual escape. So maybe I need to destroy the male body , so I won't hide in it anymore, and face the fact that I really am not a male. Force myself to step into the light for once.

    That's why I want to transition and emerge in the physical world :slight_smile: but I fear I might not be able to ever fully pass, let alone to become who I dream I should be and that would make me even more miserable than I am now. In my teens I would often be called Miss, without doing anything in particular, while dressing in male clothing and acting as I would normally have. I did have long hair though which was blonde and naturally wavy and overall awesome, and I thought at least a thousand times to travel back in time and tell my 15 year old self: you're never going to be happy in this life with a guy's body. Learn about what trangender is, and start transitioning right away )


    Back to present day Even at this age my body has very nice and smooth velvety girly skin, lovely freckles, cute butt, soft red lips, not a very wide jaw , and insane amount of joint mobility for a supposedly male body, especially in my arms and hands (always had that), and well under-average amount body hair which will be very nice when I do transition. I don't like the head and face shape at all though ( aside from the lips, and eyelashes which are very nice and curvy), all my exes ( all girls so far, three of which fully knew I was M2F before our very first kiss ) did call me "pretty" and "handsome" at some point. I don't see it. Maybe they were just in love. Or maybe I cannot judge by male standards. But in reality I see myself as leaning on the hideous side. I don't like it at all, i find my skull and face shape all weird, there's gonna be definite need for quite a bit of feminisation surgery there. There's very little "delicacy" in how my features play into each other so it bugs me a LOT.

    Body bone structure, that I can't do a lot about. It is what it is I guess . I am tall with broad shoulders and can't do anything bout that :/. Big feet :/ Will have big issues finding shoes that fit going forward . The guy I train with at the gym does not suspect a thing ( I got really good and the male mask thing) , he tells me "Duuuude stop trying to lose weight , you are already thin enough, just start eating more protein and panties will drop left and right" . Little does he know I want to be wearing those panties and there's a good reason why am planning to change my training going forward, avoid a bit the upper body exercises, and focus more on legs hips butt and waist.

    So acceptance of current situation, not so good. But I am working with what I have, which is all that one can do really . :grin:

    ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2017 at 02:09 PM ----------

    All in all, I did give any supposed male aspect of me plenty of chances to develop. I did not jump to transition at first chance. Yet it never did seem to develop. I can safely assume that it is no there. It is not a phase. It has never been a phase. It is who I am.

    I am very much a girl, with natural, healthy girly desires, condemned to pilot a man's body, trying to make it though life as best as I know how, with a lot of tears and determination and grit.
     
  6. Cailan

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    As a bi-gender, I tend to have difficulty seeing my husband's (MtF) binary point of view. I can't imagine either of my genders accepting being abandoned, and have difficulty with the idea that he wants to give up manhood entirely. I keep thinking surely there's some male part in there that wants to stay. Until recently I thought this was something in the back of everyone's mind, having elements of each, but in various degrees.

    Part of our problem is my femme side desperately needs him to remain reasonably male in order to keep sane. He makes my femme side feel feminine and cared for by a protector and lover. If he transitions to the point that I perceive him as female, I think my femme side's dysphoria would explode and I would go down some very ugly roads. At the same time my masculine side is very interested in the idea of having someone else's breasts to play with, but also repulsed by the masculine base body he has to go with it. My masculine side likes femme girls but isn't really sexual about it.. Both sides of me are very judgemental about the appearance of others - something I'm not proud of, but it's there.

    I don't ever want to leave him, he's my intimate best friend. I can't see us ever becoming "just friends" because it would be too painful having him in my life and knowing what I lost. Losing him would mean losing everything in my life that is good. I'm trying to make some adjustments in my needs, we've agreed to try to meet somewhere in the middle where both can be reasonably happy.

    ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2017 at 01:01 PM ----------

    Today I had a bit of a setback. The counselor we were trying to see would only see us as individuals, not as a couple. We wanted both. She said she doesn't do couples. Aargh.

    We're trying another, and getting frustrated. I desperately need to talk to a professional, NOW. This is burning deep in my gut and displacing everything else I do and care about.
     
  7. WarmEmbrace

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    (*hug*) I'll try to help a bit with that difficulty. From what you've shared, there's a lot of similarities with our past experiences.

    I do agree that for a while I too hoped that a male side of my mind wold manifest itself, and take over at some point. I felt so out of place piloting the male body, doing what everyone else expected of me in that male role, for many many years, and I kept telling myself that if I can fake it long enough, and avoid dating guys, avoid starting HrT, just keep things optimal for that hetero male side to manifest itself, at some point it will happen.... Well it never happened, and a few days ago I realised I had started to resent it for never appearing, and leaving me in this awkward spot. But what good is yelling at an empty chair ? Yes now as I am on the cusp of taking the decision to physically transition, there is some regret of closing down that possibility permanently ( after all, the very definition of tragedy is "wasted potential") but I need to see the tragedy in not ever manifesting MY genuine self too. That's also wasted potential. I kept annulling myself for half of my life, for a person that might not even ever exist. How weird is that ?

    The shift occurred for me when i realised I what i needed to balance myself out do was to look outside of my mind for that male energy, the Animus as Jung calls, that would assume control, and that I would lovingly follow. Outside and in my life partner. Subconsciously probably that's why I chose a very masculine behaving woman as my partner. A biological woman because of society, but whose value system and actions were in many ways more manly than of many biological males :slight_smile:.
    In my case the problem was that the woman I chose after a few years of personal growth she realised that she had to integrate herself more of the female energy, the Anima, and she could only do that side by side with a masculine man. We suddenly were in many ways an unconventional lesbian couple, but none of us had signed up for it. And so we parted ways so each of us can figure out himself/herself on their own.
    I did love her very much, and still do, and it pains me that she had to go, but it was her right. My love will never change, transition or not. And while I am aware that I might be projecting my own feelings on this, I do think you husband (and maybe future transgender wife) loves you as well, more than you think. There is a strong possibility and his affection might have been towards the masculine side of you. Either it was like that from the start, or is shifting towards that more now.


    I've seen it happen , not as a spectator, but a participant. Your concerns are valid.
    At my ex-es request I never started HRT. I've put a halt to my therapy sessions. Didn't wear anything that wasn't masculine. Didn't try wear make-up. Went to the gym. Bulked up. Still, in spite of all that, at some point in her mind I still registered as female by my desires actions that could be sen through the cracks of my mask. Maybe it was the low sex drive, as she wanted me to be all male in the bedroom. And when I tried to enforce that mask, double down on everything, act even more as a male, I disconnected from my true self emotionally, and also distanced myself from her and everyone else as a result. I was becoming this emotionless zombie. So lose-lose.


    There was this discussion that will forever be seared in my brain when my ex ended it with : "You know if you do transition you'll be one ugly chick!". Ouch. Dagger-in-heart. I laughed about it, pretend i took it as a joke but was dying inside.

    After we had separated, she remembered that discussion, and admitted to me to have said it not because she believed it, but because it was a way in which she tried to manipulate me to hold on to my male side. She knew that physical aspect was important to me, and thought this remark would scare me away from thinking about transitioning. It was that "chick" in me who loved her. And she had just called me ugly. My love my life partner,the only person who i thought saw the real me me had just called me ugly.


    That's how I feel about my ex too. However since she is the one who took the decision that I was no longer good for her, she had no issue saying that it would be cool if we could remain friends. I told her that I can try, but I would be lying to myself if I think that could happen in a healthy manner.. I could never be in her company, an pretend we are just friends. Maybe after many years, when each of us has their own family. Maybe. who knows. Now, it is out of the question. Too painful.


    While I don't generally believe in fate, I do believe that the Universe somehow conspires so that we find the therapist that we need, and keeps us away from those that would be.. not ideal. So don't stress about it. You'll find the therapist that will help you two sort this out :slight_smile:.

    Stay strong.
    (*hug*)
    It is going to be OK (&&&).
     
  8. Aberrance

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    You can't get 'diagnosed' as transgender. It's not a thing that happens. You get diagnosed with gender dysphoria and no I've not yet been (fuck waiting lists). It doesn't make any difference to my identity. I'm a guy. No psych telling me I have gender dysphoria is going to make my identity any more secure. I can see how a professionals opinion might help your family come to terms though so might be worth finding a psych that deals with trans people to talk to.
     
  9. Cailan

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    Once I found out the counselor/therapist we wanted to see was not going to take us, I called the #2 therapist on our list and left a message to try to set up an appointment. To my surprise, he called me back last night. He got the message and because of the tone in my voice, decided to call me immediately. We talked for more than an hour, during which and set up an appointment for Tuesday (!) for both my husband and I.

    At the end of the talk he asked me to keep my mind open as to whether my female side may be a social construct, an attempt to hold on to the social norm and "fit in."

    This rather shook me, because it's pretty much what my husband also suggested, and hubby also thinks I should try T, to see if it releases the female side of me to fully explore the male me. I'm also a bit worried, though, that subconsciously my husband wants to see me transition to male so that he can transition to female so he could have sex as a woman with a man, but still have me.

    I straight-up hate male clothing, from a fashion perspective. I have this crazy image in my head of becoming a shemale, wearing women's clothing and lasering off a beard. Strangely, somehow this image doesn't bother me as much as I think it should, except during my research I was horrified by a video of the FtM bottom surgeries and I doubt I could ever go through it.

    I have already put in a request with my primary care provider for at least breast reduction surgery for reasons completely unrelated to gender issues. I'm a G/H cup, and it is causing health issues (back/neck pain, etc).

    I also think about "sorta-female to femme" surgery - removing or altering some of my more masculine features to look more femme, to make my female side happy. Getting hip implants (my waist to hip to thigh line is straight, like a man's), possibly butt cheek implants (I have a very male slab ass), etc. I also think about learning to walk female (I have male type hips and knee angles, etc, so I walk like a man) and learning how to put on makeup. However, it would never, ever give me the feminine hands and ankles/feet, and my muscle mass is way large for a woman, even when not fit.

    My recent response to my turmoil was to go out to buy a new pink sparkly sweater (it is only the second pink item I've owned for years, if not decades) and replaced my plain underwear with nice fancy girly underwear. It was like panic purchases, I guess. Even as I bought the pink sweater, I bought another in a neutral color. My male side reasserting itself? :rolle:

    ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 11:17 AM ----------

    I never said what I thought the diagnosis name was, just a name for whatever it is I am, even if I'm entirely wrong. To me a diagnosis puts a frame on what a professional can help me sort out (and a diagnosis is necessary for most further treatment if you want insurance to pay for it!) I'm in turmoil about my gender. I don't know anything right now. My gender identity has *always* been in doubt.
     
  10. Cailan

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    Okay, I did at one point say "diagnosed as transgender or bi gender." But they are two different things. A diagnosis of "gender dysphoria" doesn't say which I am, or perhaps neither and some other options. There are a lot of options. And right now, as I mentioned, I'm not sure which. It's nice that YOU know what YOU are. It's not that simple for others.
     
  11. WarmEmbrace

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    Indeed, the problem is the dysphoria that one feels because of it all, because of the mis-alignment between how you wish things they were and how they are; that's what's dangerous and that's what crushes you. And there are multiple ways to try and reduce that dysphoria, transitioning is just one of them. In some cases, transitioning indeed does help. Especially if done early in life. For others, who are unhappy with the transition results, they can actually experience increased dysphoria after transitioning.

    Post transition life also has an added set of complications that one should also be aware of. Both social acceptance related, and health related, so they generally advise you to only go forward with it (especially late in life) if you feel that the distress is too great, and there's no other way that you can cope.

    Someone with formal training is more than welcome to correct me if you feel I'm off mark :slight_smile:. It is tricky to remain objective at times.
     
  12. Cailan

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    Yet the question for transition is: which way to go? All female, or all male? And would they consider masculine female to femme female a transition, or just elective cosmetic surgery? Frankly, considering the things I've read about the effect of testosterone on the female body, I would get a beard that I could never get rid of (I hate beards even on cis men, there is no good beard and they're disgusting), possibly lose my hair (I know the genetic is in my family and I passed it to my son) and none of these could ever go away. Even as a male I couldn't live with these results.
     
  13. looking for me

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    i mentioned on another thread that i am Bi Gender as well and at a session with my therapist i got my real "diagnosis" or confirmation. i'll copy and paste;

    well, i was with my gender therapist today. and we were figuring out where on the scale i fit and she asked me, if i had a magic wand or won the lotto what would i do, how would i look...

    i said, id fix my hair, and my smile. loose the body hair, have nice boobs and hips/bum, and just be a woman. she smiled and said, no cis male would ever say that if they could be anything, they'd be a woman.....

    pretty good confirmation in my book.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 12:55 AM ----------

    as for how far or if you want to transition, that's up to you and not anyone else not your doctors or therapists. find a clinic that will work with you.
     
  14. WarmEmbrace

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    But are you dysphoric about your current situation ?
    Does it cause you distress so great that it negatively impacts your capability to function in day to day life ?
    Wouldn't being more feminine increase the dysphoria of your male side?
    The reverse certainly seems to be true ( your reaction to beards being disgusting :slight_smile: ).

    ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 07:02 AM ----------

    I am not questioning the validity of your desires, they are perfectly valid, and I am not , not tryng to bias you towards looking more feminine or masculine, that's something you need to decide:slight_smile:. I am just asking questions to maybe help you better understand it all :slight_smile:

    In fact I find it pretty awesome that you seem to have the same degree of duality in both mind and body, they seem to fit with each other. :slight_smile:. The question is are you okay with this situation or are you dysphoric about it ?
    Does your trouble come more from the fact that you husband is M2F and transitioning ? Had you husband not been transitioning, would you have considered taking any steps yourself ? Is this need for action internal or external ?
     
  15. Cailan

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
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    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My dysphoria has been there since at least middle school. When I hit puberty and suddenly emerged as a tall, large-busted young woman I initially attempted to do the teen girl thing, but it didn't work for me at all. I've always felt I was "passing" as a female when presenting as feminine, unnatural. In high school I headed the other direction, wearing only men's pants and t-shirts, I even insisted on masculine decor in my bedroom. I joined the military and pretty much only wore my uniforms, etc. After the military I went back to femme when I had two kids, then back again briefly when we lived on a farm and it seemed such a natural fit. Then I had a daughter and it inspired me to be femme again, and used her as a proxy for my uber-femme tendencies.

    No matter what I did, there was a side of me that was miserable about what I was doing. Lately I've been heading to the femme side, but that may be because of the HRT I've been on for perimenopause, and feeling dual elation and alarm/dysphoria. I bought a pink sweater the other day, in frustration and defiance. Now it's glaring at me from the closet.

    I desperately wish I could divide myself in half and let each half have what they want. But life doesn't work that way. :sigh:

    My disgust for beards has a known source. My step-dad has one, the first I ever really saw, except for Santa Claus. He's not a bad person, but he always seemed slimy and off to me. Beards to me represent him.

    As for my husband, he came out to me 18 years ago. By then I had already swung to the ends of the spectrum at least twice.

    It was the utter honesty agreement we made when he announced his decision to start HRT that made me dredge up what was going on with me, in direct response to our discussing how I felt about what he's doing., and he demanded I do something about it. He told me he has always seen it in me, and he has always loved the masculine side of me, to please his woman within. His decision brought out panic on the part of my femme half, who relies on him to make her feel feminine, which is probably also part of the reason my femme side is currently dominant and miserable because it's still stuck in the masculine female body where it resides.
     
  16. BrookeVL

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    Out to everyone
    Thank heavens I'm binary and don't need to make a decision...I wish you luck Kasia, this is not an easy one.