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Old 11th Jan 2017, 05:23 AM   #1
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Changing last name for marriage

My fiancee has a very unique last name and mine is fairly common. She does not want to lose her last name and both of us have a romantic notion of sharing a last name with each other and any future children. The thing is, I've always imagined my wife would take my last name, even before I identified as male (though I'm sure it's related). I don't really care about keeping my last name or any connection to family so I realize how dumb and selfish it is, but I just feel really emasculated by the thought. (And it might even benefit me to change my last name tbh in case I ever plan to go deep stealth in the future.) I would be open to hypenation, but her last name is so long I feel it would be very inconvenient. Her last name is four syllables and twelve letters long. Our last name would be **********-*****. It wouldn't fit on a lot of forms. It is like one letter too long to even make that my last name on the Sims. It seems petty, but I'm quite bothered by it. Would I have to refer to my old name as my "maiden name" on legal forms? The thought horrifies me.

How would you trans guys feel about this? Any input is great though.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 05:39 AM   #2
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Well, I plan on changing my name, and since I am the male, traditionally the female takes the male name. But I would talk with her and choose a name, together. It is a special thing to share a name.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 06:49 AM   #3
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

I had also planned to give my name rather than take one, until I fell in love with a man. We haven't really discussed it much but since I don't plan to come out anytime soon to family, we'll be having a "traditional heterosexual" wedding. And I just sort of settled into the idea that I'll be taking his name. His name is also the more simple of us, I have the strange last name. So it's really all out of convenience.
I've also heard of cis guys taking their wife's name for numerous reasons, even simple ones like the one you gave. Idk if it would be called a maiden name though. Maybe you could call it you pre-marriage name.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 08:24 AM   #4
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

I always preferred the idea of changing my name when I get married. It's not very common, but not entirely unheard of for the man to take the woman's name. Look at Jack White.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 08:31 AM   #5
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

I looked this up on google(male version maiden name), one result had someone saying you could call it the "bachelor name"

I haven't really thought about if I will be willing to give up my last name when I get married, that's a conversation for later for me though, when I have a fiance to discuss it with.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 08:33 AM   #6
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Bachelor name...I like that. I might go with that for myself
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 11:12 AM   #7
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

The idea that women have to take the man's name is ridiculous, heteronormative, and based on the assumption that the man has to be the dominant, in-charge, head of the household, while the woman submits to him, adapts her life to his, etc., which is a misogynistic belief. There's nothing inherently masculine about having someone else take your last name.

People change their names for all sorts of reasons, so there's no need to refer to it as a maiden name. It'll probably just be called a "previous name", or something along those lines. There are very few situations in which someone actually needs to know why you changed your last name. They just need to know that you were previously known by a different name.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 12:36 PM   #8
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by darkcomesoon View Post
The idea that women have to take the man's name is ridiculous, heteronormative, and based on the assumption that the man has to be the dominant, in-charge, head of the household, while the woman submits to him, adapts her life to his, etc., which is a misogynistic belief. There's nothing inherently masculine about having someone else take your last name.

People change their names for all sorts of reasons, so there's no need to refer to it as a maiden name. It'll probably just be called a "previous name", or something along those lines. There are very few situations in which someone actually needs to know why you changed your last name. They just need to know that you were previously known by a different name.
Hey, I personally totally agree with you. If that wasn't the norm I would have no problem with taking her last name. I think if I was cis it would be a non issue for me and I might even think it was kinda funny. Maybe once I can pass consistently and feel more confident in my manhood I will get over this hang up. I hope so.

Also, I didn't realize Jack White took his wife's last name
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 12:57 PM   #9
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rickystarr View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkcomesoon View Post
The idea that women have to take the man's name is ridiculous, heteronormative, and based on the assumption that the man has to be the dominant, in-charge, head of the household, while the woman submits to him, adapts her life to his, etc., which is a misogynistic belief. There's nothing inherently masculine about having someone else take your last name.

People change their names for all sorts of reasons, so there's no need to refer to it as a maiden name. It'll probably just be called a "previous name", or something along those lines. There are very few situations in which someone actually needs to know why you changed your last name. They just need to know that you were previously known by a different name.
Hey, I personally totally agree with you. If that wasn't the norm I would have no problem with taking her last name. I think if I was cis it would be a non issue for me and I might even think it was kinda funny. Maybe once I can pass consistently and feel more confident in my manhood I will get over this hang up. I hope so.

Also, I didn't realize Jack White took his wife's last name
Yes. White was Meg's name, I was surprised myself when I heard it.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 01:23 PM   #10
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

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Originally Posted by clustergazelle View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rickystarr View Post

Hey, I personally totally agree with you. If that wasn't the norm I would have no problem with taking her last name. I think if I was cis it would be a non issue for me and I might even think it was kinda funny. Maybe once I can pass consistently and feel more confident in my manhood I will get over this hang up. I hope so.

Also, I didn't realize Jack White took his wife's last name
Yes. White was Meg's name, I was surprised myself when I heard it.
That's pretty cool!
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 01:27 PM   #11
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Sounds like you really don't want to take the name? Why not compromise and just have different last names?

Romance is great but this is a practical decision. Keep it practical. It's your forms you have to fill out forever and your story you have to tell people.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 01:59 PM   #12
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Personally, I always thought of keeping my last name if I ever was in that situation. To me, it is part of my identity, and I don't want that to change. Might sound strange, or selfish, but it always bothered me that there was an expectation to change.

Ok, that probably sounded totally unromantic. It is just the way I always felt about it. No right or wrong here. It is all up to you and your partner.

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Old 11th Jan 2017, 02:13 PM   #13
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

I think that's really what it boils down to. What you and your partner decide on. hyphen names, no name change, or one taking the others. No matter which way it's a personal choice everyone will likely feel different about.
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Old 11th Jan 2017, 06:15 PM   #14
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Re: Changing last name for marriage

Queen Elizabeth's husband, Prince Phillip, took her last name, Windsor, because that's how royals do it. Maybe you can pretend you're royals, and she's the queen.
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