I know there are a lot of threads like this, but I need some advice for my specific situation, if that’s not too much to ask. I’m 14 years old and (physically) female. A few weeks ago, I came across the definition of ‘agender’ while exploring the interwebs. I did some research, and the more stuff I learned, the more I began to seriously question my gender identity. Since then, I’ve been thinking about it almost all the time. So, I thought I was agender or neutrois or something. Then, I took multiple online gender tests to see if there was any correlation between the results. About three of them seemed pretty legit: SAGE, BSRI, and the Open Sex Role Inventory. Apparently, my sex/gender role is (stereotypically) masculine. SAGE says I may be transsexual. The BSRI gives you a certain amount of points out of 100. Here, ‘neutral’ and ‘male’ have about 52 points each, and my ‘female’ score is way down at 24. Am I overanalyzing this? I don’t know. Sorry, this post will be pretty long. My personality doesn’t fit at all with the female gender role/stereotype/thing. I wear neutral/male clothing, and keep my hair short. A lot of people think I’m a boy. (I started doing this in fifth grade, when I got sick of people wanting me to act a certain way because I was a girl.) I was so happy the first time I got misgendered, but now I find myself explaining “No, I’m a girl” so I don’t confuse people. However, if there’s a good chance that I’ll never interact with the person who misgenders me again, I just let them think I’m a boy. Also, whenever someone tells me how “pretty” I am, I consider it to be a serious insult. Is this social dysphoria? Also, dysphoria of the physical variety: boobs. Why. WHY. (I’ll just leave it at that.) About two years ago, I had to wear a dress for a school play. My little brother later informed me that I looked like a boy wearing a dress. I felt like a boy wearing a dress. It was not fun. (It took me over five minutes to figure out how to put the dress on. What idiot puts the zipper in the back?) Also, I tried to picture myself a decade in the future. Future me looks pretty similar to me right now, but taller. Very gender neutral, overall. I did this little mental exercise about 18 months ago. I did it again recently, and not much has changed. That’s about all the information I can think of off the top of my head. At this point, I’m just confusing myself and need a second opinion. (Or a third opinion. Or a fifteenth opinion.) Any help will be appreciated.
Do you have any dysphoria? Physical? Pronoun dysphoria? Not liking your breasts could be an indicator....but we'd have to learn more. I don't think liking masculine things is an indicator. Those are all gender roles. My Mom and I prefer boyish things but we're women. You'd never see us in a dress, I love video games, she loves sports. But we still want to be called she, and we don't want to grow male or neutral sex characteristics. There are also trans men who love to wear dresses and make-up but are men because of the pronouns and sex characteristics they'd prefer to have. If you don't like being called she/her, then it could be a form of social dysphoria, however.
You could be a masculine woman (tomboy, butch), you could be trans, you could be non-binary. It's all down to who you feel you are, and sometimes it takes years to reach your internal sense of gender. It took me 20 years to realise that I feel male, but I think I knew at 14, but couldn't put it into words. Another thing is what you want to do about it and what gender expression you feel comfortable with. A lot of masculine women don't feel great about their boobs, because they go into their way a bit, and even more of them dislike being called pretty. And yup, I feel like a guy and I like dresses and the such... And hate on me haters, but I like my female body and the only form of transition I'm undergoing is coming out to people and taking on a bit more masculine role and dressing more masculine. It's down to who you feel you are, not what you do. Gender identity. What you do about it is down to what you want to do and feel good doing. There is no one cookie-cutter recipie how to go about gender, although I understand how frustrating it is when you don't have an anwser.
As one of those trans guys that like to feel pretty, I second this. Also, online gender tests are typically reliant on gender roles and stereotypes, so they aren't always accurate indicators of gender. Many people, cis and trans, don't fit into the stereotypes of their gender, and they don't all identify off the binary or as genderqueer, either. If you have social or physical dysphoria, I would say those are pretty good indicators that you might not be cis. Keep in mind that cis people are often uncomfortable with their own bodies, too, so occasional discomfort with your physical characteristics is actually quite common. If that mental image of yourself is a golden ideal for you, that might be a good indicator as well. Lastly, don't over-think things. Give yourself permission to just be yourself, without any context of gender at all.
Unfortunately nobody can tell you your gender identity... it's really a conclusion you need to come to independently because everyone's got an opinion and on this issue yours is really the only one that matters. Just try to keep going in the direction that feels right. It should not feel like you need external acceptance or validation of your gender identity in order to feel that you are/should be that gender. You may want these things, that's being human... but if they feel necessary for you to even feel that you are that gender--that raises questions. It needs to come from the inside.
