Well, life is getting a bit stressful again. But that's because the term is ending in a week, I have a lot of work to make up/do, I need to finish my college applications, I need to finish filling out the FAFSA, and I need to try and get a job to save money. I've also had quite a few heated arguments with my parents the past few weeks. It seems they're more stressed out about college than I am. My mom doesn't want me to go to California and my dad wants me to go to the local school and "work with computers or something. Become an engineer. Become an architect. Film isn't a good job, it pays dirt and treats you like trash." And both of them complain about prices, meanwhile I'm the one who's going to get stuck with the loans. Also, my parents refuse to schedule doctors appointments I need. I have literally had doctors say "Go to a nutritionist" "See a cardiologist when you turn 18" and I also need to see my pulmonary doctor. I especially need my pulmonary checkup, as I'm on medication that's very important and my prescription will run out eventually. Although my pulmonary doctor is the one who keeps canceling my appointments. I also need to see my gastroenterologist again, but that appointment'so a month away. I supposedly have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and I experience a lot of pain in my abdomen and chest. But now it's getting worse and it's really starting to hurt again. Of course my parents don't listen and my dad doesn't believe in any of this stuff. I'm also starting to feel subconscious about being a mouth breather and I always seem to have my mouth open a little bit, which makes me fear that my buck teeth will come back. I also want someone to cuddle so bad. I feel so lonely, like a part of me is missing. I have friends, but no one who's more than a friend. I really hope I find somebody in college, I don't want to be alone forever. Random question: If I adopted a kid or something, and I was married to another woman, what would the child call us? I've seen some people say that they use mom for one parent and mommy or something for the other. But I'mconfused by this. What would the child call me and my spouse? I really want to have kids someday and this is making me anxious. Plus, what would happen if I adopteda child and Child Services gave me a hard time or something? You know, the whole thing where people are trying to convince the world that all LGBT+ people are predators who want to assault their women and children. I feel like that would be a problem, I feel that I would have a hard time taking care of children because of this mentality. And the same old stuff keeps coming back and haunting me. My eyes are dry and red just thinking about everything that's going on or could happen in the future. I just want to be a girl, in love with a girl, with a good stable life and possibly a family. And pets, I like animals. But ugh, why must life be so hard and miserable? I'm getting tired of this stuff. I just want it to all go away and for me to be happy. Why is this so hard? I'm getting so stressed out and annoyed and everything and I feel like it's all over nothing. I'm one extremely broken human being. Yep. I need help, and I honestly can't wait to get it. I will make it happen no matter what. I will be happy some day and all this stuff will be gone and everything will be great. I also need sleep. Sleep is important. I'm going to try and sleep and shake this off, but it probably won't work. Oh well.
