Okay, so I identify as genderfluid. I've accepted this. But why does it feel like it changes? Sometimes I feel like I can control what gender I am by what clothes I wear, but other times I just have to suffer through choosing the wrong clothing? This is very confusing, and very stressful. Is this normal? Does this, like, invalidate me as a genderfluid? Please help. :help: I have a similar thread going in the General Support and Advice forum, and we've been debating the possible of me having some form of dysphoria, as I feel very uncomfortable in my body sometimes.
You are valid no matter what. Yes your gender can change for no reason, its a part of being genderfluid. I understand what you mean about it being stressful and confusing, i feel the same. Its normal, many people have gone through this
"you are valid no matter what" is the worst advice, because it assumes there are no confused people out there, and the hard truth is, there are. It would be easier to perhaps help in any way if you described how you generally feel, and how your body discomort manifests itself, when etc... focus less on labels and rather on inner workings of your mind, how do you relate to your body, and how your birth gender makes you feel... It's at least worth trying to see if what you label as genderfluid is not in fact gender dysphoria that fluctuates depending on all sorts of reasons. And clothing seems like a rather weak basis on which to base your gender. It's more about how your mind works. And it might be the other way, that you can't reconcile your birth gender with your expression. I'm not going to tell you to stop identifying as genderfluid, just to not be affraid to be "invalid" as one. Because if something else could be better for you, would you rather stay with one label out of shame that you were faking something, instead of improving your life? Don't be affraid of that, and decide for yourself what's best for you - your current label or something else, if the latter improves your well-being.
The inner workings of my mind. I guess I could tart by answering the questions you posted. Dysphoria has been considered, and I'm coming to believe that may be part of the case here. My body (how it looks, what parts I have) has always caused me extreme discomfort. I don't like to talk about it with, except to say that I wish I didn't have my chest and that I hate the downstairs area. I've never given it much thought before, assuming that every female feels the same way. I'm starting to realize that at least on here, it's only the genderfluid/less/queers and the transgenders that feel this way. The thought of being identified as a female makes me almost physically nauseous. I told me friend that I didn't 100% identify as a female anymore, and I haven't heard her call me a girl since. It's a relief, because while I know my birth name is unisex I've come to associate it with being female. The main reason I chose genderfluid as my label is because, while I mostly identify as they/they or he/him (mostly he/him), I still get the urge to dress up every once in a while, to put on a dress and heels. The problem is, every time I try to do so, I inevitably become disgusted by my appearance in the mirror and change back into jeans and a t-shirt. Even tees are an issue for me. Most of my clothes are designed and styled to fit a female figure. I've had to stop wearing the most feminine ones altogether because they make me so uncomfortable. I've taken to wearing my leather jacket (originally for a Dean Winchester cosplay) everywhere I go because it hides my figure. Do you have any advice you can offer on this? The more I think about it, the more confused I get. Am I really genderfluid, or is there something else going on here?
I can't answer that for you, nobody really can on the forum, the closest person who could would be a licensed therapist. But you do seem to lean to the male side, and you seem to focus on the masculine way more, and from what you describe this is a rather constant thing in your life, with very short bursts of being fine with your assigned gender. So very carefully, I can say that I notice this focus on the masculine and rejection of the feminine and to me that would be telling of something more like a consistent dysphoria. Can I say that for sure? Sadly not, I'm not qualified, and forum will never be enough. And still, I think you can consider this weight you put onto the masculine feelings, and how dismissive or negative you are towards the feminine. If you can honestly say to yourself that those are indeed a constant part of your life, combined with this constant dislike for your female parts, then I would not disregard being a trans man as an option to explore. By constant I don't mean "all the time". I mean more often than not, a pattern that always sets you in the negative mood about your gender, even if there are periods you feel fine with it. Please just don't follow internet advice blindly. What I want to offer is that you look at the perspective I tried to hint at.
Thank you for the advice. I'm not currently seeing a therapist or other professional, and I sadly can't request an appointment for one, as my folks will react poorly. I honestly hadn't even considered the possibility of being transgender, mainly because I am fine with my birth gender sometimes, although it's getting more and more rare by the day. I will do extensive research into the possibilities of dysphoria and transgender, and may post another thread about it after I see what I can find.
