I know I'm bringing up the same topic over and over again. I'm female, I feel male, whatever that means, and I don't want to transition. However, I'm still transgender and I have to deal with that. I wonder how do you cope with that? I was wondering about solving it the non-binary way, but I'm not sure how it would exactly look like. How do you do that? I think I have a problem with how I relate to others, and changing my gender expression a bit, like cutting my hair short, or speaking in a more masculine way, has helped with it, but I'm still not there. Clothes seem not to have any impact for me. I don't like frilly or super girly clothes anyway, and I don't own those ever since I shop for myself. I prefer to keep it simple, comfy and not too difficult to match in the morning. I also don't look particularily good in some feminine clothes, because my body is athletic (as for a woman, of course). But whether I wear guy clothes or skirts seems to have no impact. Do you have any ideas? Has anyone had a similar situation and coped with it successfully? How do you go about it? I don't know what makes me get treated so feminine, because it's nothing I'm aware of. I like being "one of the guys", I've been there, but I've got no idea how to have that back or why I was there and I am no longer. It would be completely enough for me to be "one of the guys" if only I knew how.
Living the non-binary way is sometimes confusing and painful. No matter what I do, my other side isn't happy. I wear what I like. Dressing male or female isn't what makes the inner male and female happy, it's letting them simply BE. I went into a hardware store for a small part the other day and got into a conversation with the guys behind the counter, and for about ten minutes I forgot I had a girl body, the clothes I wore didn't matter. I felt like I was totally male, even though I was wearing a skirt. I was totally just one of the guys. My mannerisms change, my thought processes, even the words I use. My inner guy was free and happy. Similarly when I go into a craft store, all the sparkles and beads and fabrics, and I talk to the ladies there about making earrings and how to match a tiara to a dress. My inner girl is happy. In-between, it's all weird. I often feel I am a man in a woman's dress (I buy clothes to fit the body I have) but also a woman. I am simultaneously happy and dysphoric. I often wish I could "transition" to something that would make me happy, but there is no such option, not without being on T at least temporarily, which would cause other issues.
