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Stress relief.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Natasha Elyssa, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. Natasha Elyssa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2015
    Messages:
    418
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    Location:
    New York
    The term is ending on Monday and I'm glad because I get four days off next week for regents week, so that's good. I have one last project to hand in tomorrow and I'm done. Today I woke up late and had to rush out the house. I drove 5.7 miles to school, in fourth gear most of the time, parked, power walked five (long) blocks, got into my school building, and to the fourth floor in less than twenty minutes. My lungs were screaming after. I still got to school way really late, in time for second period, but I still got my paper into my first period teacher. He said "Well. You're early for tomorrow." And I ran to gym. That was stressful as all heck, I've never moved so fast in my life. It's crazy. But anyway, I now have some time to think about myself again. The only negative thing right now is the fact that my car is messed up right now (mechanical problems). And the ever crushing weight of dysphoria and self-disgust.

    But, yeah. Stuff. And things.
    The biggest thing on my mind right now is finding a companion in life. I just can't stop thinking about it. My dream girl keeps showing up in my thoughts and dreams. I see myself laying against her, snuggling, and happy. I see myself as a cute pretty girl and her to be the most beautiful girl in the world to me (what most people I know would call average, yet out of my league). I feel like having a girlfriend while in college and transitioning would be the greatest thing in the world to me. Somebody to rely on, feel close with, not be scared of, somebody I don't have to hold out on, someone to be my best friend. I really crave love. I yearn for that sense of belonging that a bioethicist I know once told me women feel when their in love. I want that, I want to belong with someone. To love them and get love back. A shoulder to cry on, an open ear to lend, a cuddle-buddy, someone to lean on, someone to hold and to hold me. I long for a, strong, deep mutual love. I wish my dream girl was real. She's just so much of everything I want. Care, compassion, sympathy, empathy, kindness, caring, sweet, adorable, loveable, the kind of person you just want to hug and cling to for a while. If only I could find a girl who is anything near my type that's actually not disgusted by the idea of being anywhere near me. I want pureness and niceness. My dream girl is so adorable and cute. It's hard to explain, but I really like this dream girl in my head, mainly because she's a product or my dreams, and would be so perfect. I really want to meet someone in real life that'll make me feel the same. Or at least is willing to date me. Although I'm probably not good with breakups. Is this a common thing? Wanting to find the partner of your dreams and fall madly in love with them? I need a fairytale ending here. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. Crisalide

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2016
    Messages:
    624
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    339
    Location:
    Italy
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I hear the music of intense dreams :slight_smile:
    But be careful because: 1) No one else is the source of your happiness but you. Others can contribute (friends, significant others, family), but the central source is you. If you don't rely on yourself and find happiness while single, love won't magically turn you happy. The happier lover is the one who emotionally stands up on their feet and is so full of love that feels the urge to give it first rather than receive it.
    2) It's ok to daydream about dream girls, but no one is perfect and sometimes we build an image over the one we fall in love with, without almost seeing who they really are. Loved ones have flaws - flaws that probably you won't be able not to love <3