I'm 18 years old and I'm currently very confused. I'm trying to figure out if I'm a massive tomboy or if I'm gender queer. I currently identify as female (as a was assigned at birth), but for the last few years, I've hated having breasts. They're uncomfortable and in the way and they look weird (imo). Every since I was young, I've been the definition of a tomboy. I've been friends with more boys than girls and I've always hated wearing skirts. Having long hair was ok as long as I kept it pulled back. What really frustrated me was when my boobs started growing in. I started developing young and HATED it, to the point of refusing to wear a bra for years. They were annoying and required extra care and they just generally got in my way. When I actually started puberty, it was fine (other than the side effects of such a thing). No dysphoria or anything, but I still hated my boobs. I learned to deal and didn't really notice anything else until I was 15. I started hating them again, but by then, I had access to the Internet. I found out about binding and being genderqueer and started questioning everything. I once again settled and started calling myself a tomboy again. What really threw me was when I tried to start dressing more like a tomboy (jeans with belts, button-up shirts, etc), my mom hated it (yes I still live at home). She started restricting what I wore and got very angry when she noticed that my chest was smaller (because I was binding more again). Her restrictions made my feeling of discomfort and hatred towards my boobs worse. Lately I've wanted a completely flat chest and have no means of obtaining such a thing. I literally hate my boobs so much and want them completely gone. It's not necessarily an emotional pain as much as a physical irritation. Any thoughts as to my gender would be much appreciated. I have literally no one else to talk to.
you seem like it's just the, well, boobs. Nothing about being uncomfortable in your gender or anything, no feelings that would point you towards anything other than female, just breasts. Maybe there is more to it and you're just fixated on your chest in this post while forgetting the nuance, but what you wrote alone doesn't seem like being trans, more like something about your breasts that you either haven't worked out or some issues maybe regarding your appearance that you dislike. In any case, in my opinion you would need to focus on other parts of your life and not as much your body, to get a better feeling if you're not just a tomboy. Right now I could imagine you're just practical and hate your boobs for reasons unrelated to gender identity, and perhaps things like how others react to them making you uncomfortable. Tl, dr, being trans is a complex issue and you are writing about one aspect while seemingly being unconcerned with your identity and social functioning at all. You need to consider this stuff with far greater nuance and compexity.
There are definitely girls/tomboys who would prefer a flat chest. Isisviel is right. There's a lot more to gender than how you feel about your chest. How do you feel being seen as female? How do you feel seeing yourself as female?
I'm bad with words so it's really hard to explain. There are some days I'm fine with being seen as a girl but then others that it's just annoying. There was a while when I had my hair short and I dressed more masculine and it felt GREAT. Everyone still referred to me solely as a girl but I didn't mind as much since I didn't feel as feminine. I feel a lot more comfortable when I dress and look more masculine, and that combined with how much I hate my chest is what made me start questioning. I don't feel completely masculine or feminine, and it all depends on the day which one I feel more or less of.
This is going to be a hard one but, there's a difference between feeling masculine or feminine and feeling female or male. Everyone has masculine and feminine traits, and maybe occasionally times when they feel more masculine or feminine depending on what they're doing if they're associating their actions with gender roles, but you're going to have to determine if you dislike being read as female some of the time because you don't wish to be read as feminine or hate feminine gender roles or because you somehow feel ostracized from the idea of being a "woman". It's not just about the clothes you wear or if you're offended that people think you're feminine.... but examine why you want to be read as more masculine. Is it simply because you like how it looks? And also maybe because looking more androgynous gives you peace of mind about your breasts? Or is it also because you want to disassociate yourself from other women as well? To tell the world "do not associate me with other women"?
