Question for people who like dresses...

I don't like dresses...but I'm a cis woman so I can answer your question from the opposite side.

Really, when it comes to questioning gender identity you have to decide- do you feel like a woman in ways that don't have to do with gender roles? If dresses were forever banned on women and they were never allowed to wear them again, would you still be a woman? What if dresses were allowed on men (they used to be, btw) and were the social norm? Would it be easier to say you are a man who wears dresses or would you still be a woman even so?

Being submissive and taking female gender roles doesn't make someone a woman considering some cis women hate those roles. Ever hear of the feminist movement and how "submission/female roles" are sexist/wrong to assume? There are a lot of women who actually feel that way and don't fit a 1950's stereotype anymore. Male submission also isn't uncommon, in fact It's a popular niche out there for people who are into that sort of thing. Even among straight men, femdom is more popular with guys.

So really, try to ignore these things and focus on if you feel like a woman without them. Pronouns are a huge factor, but wanting to physically be more like a woman is one too. Some trans women want actual vaginas, others don't need bottom surgery, but want/achieve breast growth, loss of muscle mass, facial hair removal and general female features. HRT is going to make you physically female in many ways if you transition.

 

I don't like dresses, but i can share my experience with dysphoria.

When I try to wear stereotypically feminine clothing, frilly things or dresses, I often feel like I'm cross dressing in a bad sort of way. That these clothes look ridiculous on me and feel wrong. I admit that some of the men's clothes I've worn in the past look more like a child trying to wear his dad's shoes and shirts but with time I've gotten better about buying things that are masculine that still fit my body decently. Even so sometimes I get it a bit wrong.

It may be the style of dress that makes you feel they look odd on you. there are many different cuts of dresses that accentuate your body differently. There are sun dresses that give most women a sort of straight line look and they look lovely.

I would consider more how you feel about your body without clothes at all. How you feel about and view yourself. How would you feel if everyone you knew addressed you as female? You could very easily just be a crossdresser which is totally fine. Being trans would give you signs outside of just clothes.

as for LoL, that's probably more coincidence that those character's kits are the ones you enjoy most. Even if it was about them being female, there are plenty of more submissive men and some gay men who find a sort of kin-ship with women without identifying as women.

Giving it time and thought is a great place to start. If you can safely explore your identity and try out new things, you'll learn more about yourself regardless of if you're trans or not.

 

Ekhm. Being trans and transitioning are two different things.

I would rather focus on why you choose female avatars over male ones. Is it that they look nice, or does it express something about you? If yes, then what?

 

I play female characters in games because I want to interact with people and be treated as female. I also tend to use my characters as idealized versions of myself.

I love girls clothes and makeup. But if everybody had to wear a gender neutral uniform and no makeup with a uniform hairstyle, guess what? I'd still want to be female. I'd still want my body to be as absolutely feminine as possible. The only exception possibly being my penis, I'm back and forth on that.

Do you feel similarly?

 

well, clothes and female avatars. If you like to crossdress, then seeing imperfections or things like the bulge that make your transformation not up to the vision you wanted to achieve, then it's not dysphoria. Having female avatars, it can be the same. Crossdressing digitally in order to act out the female role.

Of course, some guys play females in games just because they like to look at digital boobs. You don't sound like one of them.

When it comes to dysphoria, you would have to think about more than dresses. You seem to not have any problem with how you interact with people as a male, nor you complain about anything related to your body unless it's about how it makes crossdressing difficult. So based on what you wrote there is nothing trans about you.


Unless you feel there is more to it than dressing up and playing as a girl. Mind you, I'm not trying to say that crossdressing is wrong. I know someone quite close to me who does and it's an integral part of that person.

 

I know what works for one person is often useless for almost everyone else, but still, what worked really well for me when I was in a similar situation towards the end of last year was imagining myself as female for a couple of days. (Is the use of imagining in this sense problematic? I'm using it thinking it's possible to imagine yourself intensely as a different gender while still feeling yourself to be of your original gender, before opting to make that jump or not, but I'm not sure that imagining doesn't basically ammount to being of that gender.) Anyway, after that I was pretty confident that though I liked being male I liked being female too. This was coming from a state of enjoying stereotypically female roles and writing mostly from female viewpoints in fiction, but still feeling myself to be male and straight. I expect you would have a completely different experience, but I think it's generally a useful experiment for male people questioning their identity. (And male people not, for that matter.)

---------- Post added 25th Jan 2017 at 04:31 PM ----------

P.S - the dresses/body-shape/hair thing is a conundrum!

 

That MIGHT possibly be an indicator.

 

You might try tucking and padding your hips/butt/chest if you want a more hourglass shape.

There are plenty of youtube videos on how to make your own pads, how to tuck, etc.
You can buy premade pads online but the ones I've looked at were pretty expensive.

 

I like dresses and have body dysphoria, but I am coming from a somewhat different perspective!

For me, dresses are comfortable and easy to wear. But I never wear them, ironically, because of my female body. I don't like the way that dresses fit to my curves, because I just don't like having female curves.

Are you uncomfortable with your body on the whole? If you could, would you change it permanently? These are some good indicators of body dysphoria.

Gender is weird. I do identify as male, but I don't so much get jealous of the guys that have built up muscle or wear constant stubble, it's the androgynous types that bring it out of me. Even though I am drawn to an androgynous expression, it doesn't feel right being a female individual trying to appear more male despite the fact that it is equally valid. I wish that others would just perceive me as male.

There's a ton of ways to be male, a ton of ways to be female, and so many things to be in between. Don't stress out too much! You'll figure yourself out in time. And whether you're female or a non-conforming male, or something else entirely, you're valid.

 

From my strange perspective of someone who feels male but enjoys being female, it can be very misleading what you want your body to look like. The better indicator is why. I found myself wearing feminine clothes for enjoyment, and quite honestly, I like how my body looks, I like it that I'm a woman. I can relate to what you said about being both cute and strong. It's kind of... just a look. I like dresses. I like it all. But I also found myself not feeling female and imagining I'm a guy all the time, because I felt like it better represented me in the end, and wearing "masculine" clothing mostly and changing my appearance to seem less like a girl, because I couldn't handle the social side of it. It's fun, but untrue. I'm still into more androgynous aesthetic, and don't wish to bulk up, ever. If I imagine myself as a guy, then as one who looks feminine.

You're not alone in thinking that women doing all the things like being a boss of everything or fighting look cool. I met many people who think so, including my sensei. I personally see myself as a 4/5 if being transgender was like Kinsey scale. So you could be not completely cis or trans too. You could be like Kinsey 1 or 2 transgender, which I think corresponds to the concept of a crossdresser. You talk about role models. Many cis women have men as role models. For example a woman who wants to be a lawyer like her father. It could be traits you like about certain people. It's nothing uncommon, and it may have had an impact on you in a sense that "Those women are cool people, I wish I was like them" and it stretched to all aspects. You may identify with them, also, and that's fine.

The question is, do you feel like you're really not male, if all of that was taken away? For some people this method doesn't work, but whatever I look like, I can sort of sense that I am in fact a man. I know I think and feel things typical for men, not women. I feel like I belong to the group called men more than to the group called women, that I have more in common at a very basic level, despite all the things that say to the contrary, like how I look and my sexual orientation.

If there were equally cool male role models you could relate to, if there were no dresses, if all women looked different than they do now, if a woman could look like a man and vice versa? Do you crossdress (or pick female avatars) to experience relief, to finally feel at ease, or for fun? If it's for fun (aesthetically, role-wise, for a thrill), there's nothing wrong about it, a lot of people crossdress for fun.