For whatever reason, I can't stop thinking about my past. It haunts me, torments me. I can't forget it. The destruction of my family, the destruction of my mental well-being. The abuse, the suffering. Every awkward moment, even wrong decision. The constant pain and suffering. The almost suicides, the want to end my life. The pain, misery. I can't let it go. I keep reflecting on the past, but it just brings up deep dark emotions and hatred and anger. My family has hurt me, my old school hurt me, my "friends" have hurt me. I trust no one and everyone now, I'm skeptical of everything. I hate most people I meet these days. I just can't let go of the past. This is going to be worse when I leave my home in a few months and when I'm trying to transition and bring out my true self. My past won't leave me alone. I'm angry at myself and the people who hurt me, I'm sad with life, I'm lonely, I'm desperate, I'm frustrated, I'm occasionally suicidal, I hate so much, I am too serious now, I'm a horrible person on the outside. Frigid and nasty to those who don't care to give the time of day to know me. I can name several people as my only friends, yet I can't name one I would trust to cone out to. This all connects to my past. The neglect, abuse, hardships, misery, pain, suffering, torment. I can't stand it. I want to put it behind me and forget it. I can't stand how my past constantly tries to hurt me. Why can't I be free? I feel that my mental state is collapsing and I'm falling. I'm horrible, I'm nobody, I have no one. I have to look at the facts, I will most likely accomplish nothing in my life and I'll be stuck this way forever. I've got a life sentence to the prison of my mind. I hate the past, I want to bury it. I want it gone. I'm running out of patience to tolerate it. I need people there, I need family. I need friends, I need love. I need compassion, I need empathy, I need comfort, I need somebody to hold me and tell me it's alright. I have nobody, I have nothing. And, I fear, I will be this way forever until I die or lose my mind. :icon_redf :icon_sad: ^~^ Can I just cuddle up with myself and die yet? Life is so miserable. ; (
