It's disgusting , ugly and unbearable to look at. I wish that I could do something to it but nothing can be done. How do I endure the sadness that comes with it?
If you can't see a professional, one helpful thing you can do is to practice positive self talk. Say good things about yourself, even when you don't believe them yet. Try to avoid saying or thinking negative things about yourself and your body. When you find yourself thinking something bad about your body, notice it, acknowledge that it's happening, and counter it with something positive (it doesn't have to be huge positive statements; it can be as simple as learning to replace "I hate my body" with "I want to learn to be okay with my body"). Negative self talk fuels low self esteem, which in turn causes more negative self talk. Do whatever you can to break that cycle. The initial goal doesn't have to be to love your body. The first goal is just to tolerate it. You want to get your thought process from "I hate these things about my body, and it's disgusting" to "I don't like these things about my body, but this is the only body I get, and I guess I can deal with it". From there, you can work towards feeling positively about your body.