It's becoming more and more clear that life is very unpredictable and probably won't go the way I want it. I know that no matter what, my life isn't going to play out the way it does in my dreams and it will be very hard to make them come true. There's a massive amount of uncertainty when it comes to life. And knowing my luck, things aren't going to play out the way I want them to. Probably not even close. It's always a strangling feeling that I don't really know how things are going to play out and what the future holds. Although I have dreams, and want to make them a reality, I can't guarantee that anything can/will happen. There's no real way to look into the future and see what happens. The next thing that's bugging me is clothing and style. While I'm nowhere near being fully passable and such, I really want some female cloths and to wear them. I also want to shave off all the body hair, facial hair, etcetera. I desperately want to pass a woman and be seen as one with no questions asked. That being said, I have a weird taste in clothing. I like military/police/fire looking outfits. I love the look of a good uniform shirt and tactical pants. I just really like the style. But, I also like extremely feminine clothing as well. Like, a lot of clothing I like is stuff you would only see the girliest of girls even considering wearing. Plus I really like a lot of "sexy" clothes, like mini skirts and booty shorts. Like, wearing denim boots shorts with black stockings just sounds and looks great in my head. Like, I don't necessarily picture myself being entirely PG with my wardrobe, I really like sexy clothing that accentuates the body. Like, once I get out there and start opening up, I'm probably going to have no shame. I don't care if my buttons cheeks are popping out the shorts, they make me feel more comfortable. I like lots of different clothing items, yet the main two categories listed are my favorites. I really like tactical clothes and uniform shirts, yet I also like very intimate and "erotic" clothes. I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to wear clothes that make me feel comfortable and sexy, right? Also , how good is Massachusetts with Trans people? Boston may be my only choice if I get accepted to one of my schools. Like, is Massachusetts a good place for Trans peoole? Is Boston/ Cambridge a good place to begin with? Or is it like really bad? I went to an open house for one of the schools I applied to and it was quite alright and had a nice feeling to it. As this may be my only choice, I would like to know a bit more about Massachusetts. Just so I know it's safe place for me to transition and go to college. I also still can't get over the urge to snuggle or cuddle someone. I love to embrace, it makes me feel so happy and content. Cuddling my pillows is just about all I got right now, and I am really craving a snuggle buddy. I'm thinking of trying online dating when I get settled in college. I'm really lonely, and I have no body to hold me and to hold back. I crave a romantic partner. I'm also feeling more sexual, like I'm really craving a girlfriend who I can love romantically and have a great sex life with. I really just want some love. And transition is still bugging me. I still don't know where to start and how. I really want to get my bangs cut and hair styled so that I can rock the foward-bangs look with a darker, or maybe unnatural, hair color. And I really want to wear booty shorts and skirts and dresses and spaghetti tops, yet I know I won't be able to pull it off for a while. I feel like I'm going to have to wait until I've been on hormones and stuff for a while before I can even try to pass that look off. I also feel that I won't pass enough even with more gender-neutral clothing. I hate having a masculine body, I just want to be a cute happy little girl. But I don't know what to do about that. PS: I tried to space it out more this time so that it's easier to read. ^-^ <3
