trying to figure this gender thing out (ftm?)

I think it's already pretty clear. But if you're unsure experiment. Get some male clothing, wear it for a while and see if you could go back. It sounds very much like me and in fact, a lot of transdudes are just neutral for a long time because it feels forbidden to be ourselves.

 

I would say, with trying to figure out what is going on, think less about masculine/feminine things. The masculine/feminine thing is just a social construct, it means nothing.

What you do need to think about is your body and mind, and how you feel socially.
Are you happy with your body? Would you prefer if your body was male? Would you prefer if your body was different to how it is, and if so in what way would you change it? How would you change your body in an ideal world to match your mind? If you could change your body in an instant, painlessly, would you?
Do you prefer it when people use male pronouns and name, or neutral pronouns and name? Do you feel discomfort being referred to as female? How do you feel in social settings being read as female/male/non-binary?

It took me a very long time to accept being a trans man. I am incredibly feminine. I adore loads of typically 'feminine' things. I am incredibly camp - not at all masculine. But that doesn't matter.
I did not fit the narrative of being a masculine child. I did not fit the narrative of being adverse to female clothing. It made me very uncomfortable for a very long time trying to understand that actually what truly matters is how I feel about my body and social treatment.
I need this body to change, to match my mind. I need to use male pronouns and my male name because otherwise I feel ill when people refer to me as female. Sure, now maybe I present more masculinely in an attempt to be 'read' as male, because it eases dysphoria, but I know as soon as my facial hair grows in and I start to pass a lot more easily I will revert back to my usual flamboyant self.
Masculinity/femininity has nothing to do with it. Just be careful to keep that in mind when trying to work through these feelings.
Good luck