Hi, I'm a 19 year old high school senior. So a year and a half ago i admitted to myself that i am gay, and went through depression because i wasn't ok with it. long story short (though you can always read my older posts for a more in depth view of what happened), my parents found out i was gay, withdrew me from the school i had gone to, and kicked me out. originally, i was going to be kicked out on the street (i lived in d.c.). however, the "compromise" i came to with my parents is that i would "fix" myself in exchange for being kicked out and sent to other family members in new hampshire to live. however, in january, i admitted to myself that i am a girl. i've spent a few weeks adjusting and accepting this part of me, but my dysphoria is really bad and crippling and i have to transition because i don't think i'll be able to wait any longer. however, my problem is this: my family, even the ones i moved to over the summer, are not at all accepting and there is absolutely no chance i will be able to transition without them knowing and kicking me out. so what i'm thinking of doing is leaving my family and living on my own, but i don't know what to do or how i'm even going to survive all alone, much less be able to transition and be myself. for over a year and a half i have suffered severe depression and it's only getting worse, and i'm scared and i don't want to feel like this because the pain i suffer is too much for me to handle and i'm lost.
See if it's possible for you to start seeing a therapist while you're still living with this family. Find one that can write you a letter for HRT but who doesn't obviously advertise themself as being primarily a gender therapist. Tell the family that you're feeling depressed or anxious or whatever it takes to get them to let you see a therapist. This way, you can start working towards getting hormones without compromising your living situation. A therapist can also help you figure out what the best transition timeline is for you and where you will live if your family won't let you continue to live with them.
well since i'm in high school we have a school therapist which i have been seeing for a while, but from what i've read once i start taking horomones the results will appear in a very short time so they will notice that there are changes before i go to college but i don't know because my only options are either staying with my family and being trapped like this, or transitioning but living alone
Maybe the school therapist will be able to help you make a plan to get out and live on your own based on your situation and needs. Don't start anything until you are in a safe situation. Good luck.