Loose thoughts on my gender identitiy. How much of a woman can/want i (to) be?

The thoughts and views on this forum may be a bit controversial for how a person 'is' a woman or relates to as such, as well as what it means to understand masculinity and femininity.

The classical sign of being trans is having a bodily and social dysphoria, in which there is a dissonance between who/what you are vs what your brain/heart speak to you. It's not so much to do with clothes or relating to a specific gender so much as being actively perceived and bodily being the gender opposite or in opposition to your own.

It's not uncommon for men to bond or even have a borderline worship/adoration of women, in many ways it can stem from issues psychological, environmental factors, or that the man themselves find that they do not align with perceived male behaviour and thought processes.

Personal question and you have no need of answering; do you find it attractive/(sexually)appealing at the idea or action of being a woman? I only ask because you say these feelings are newer for you, that you are very attracted to women, and it's not uncommon for a man to love women or the idea of women so much that they (atleast in part) want to emulate one.

In regards to clothes or style that's all on you, no one can really tell you how to dress, your style or choice should come more naturally and it shouldn't validate or invalidate you. If you're trying to stay more androgynous or form fitting then I'd just say jeans and tshirt. If you have a specific question on such things that would be a bit different.

For finding female-specific friends, that basically boils down to you going out looking to make friends, be it online, in some sort of social group or meet up, etc. Most of my friends are male and that's fine for me, so someone else might have better advice in that regard.

 

you don't need to deceive anyone. You can live as trans pretty openly and date people who are into you - contrary to common fear not all of them are sex crazed chasers. That's assuming you are trans, which is hard to say from your post.

And with that said... DoriaN says sensible things, I would add that it's about how you respond to the world. I mean... whether you feel like you respond in ways that are not masculine, and that's not to be confused with manly. I know for instance that I function and behave and socially are a lot masculine, but my intuitive and emotional responses are typically female. I have the luxury of having been diagnosed by a professional, but generally speaking, a lot that is interest and clothing is very secondary to the deeper part of you which is how you function and how you need to be perceived, plus if you have pronouced issues with your body that definitely "helps" with figuring it out - but those can be quite subtle and tangled up.

 

Sooo I just saw this, only a week later..... a few things I would say, first that there are a lot of positions between cis and trans. if you feel at ease with womanishness, be womanish! That doesn't mean (necessarily) that you have to biologically transition, or present any way in particular. The point is to feel comfortable. Labels like "trans" get unhelpful very fast, if you don't yourself identify with them wholeheartedly. And "properness".... that you put it in scare-quotes suggests you agree with this already, but THERE IS NO SUCH THING. Dammit. Or rather there is no such thing as improperness.

I'm recently self-realised as genderfluid. Suggestions re presentation will just be me saying what I like.... but maybe that's useful. Earings are really good for me, as a female thing that's not quite outside the brackets of societal maleness. And also just walking into a second-hand clothes shop and browsing around for female clothes that suited how I felt was a really good thing to do when I was questioning. They made me feel great, and they were cheap.... and I didn't have to wear them if I didn't want to, though I have ended up wearing them.

With partnerships -- it's true that a lot of women might be put off by femininity in a potential date/partner. But certainly not all. The sea is big, some of its fish are dolphins.
That was a really bad metaphor. Plus technically untrue. But you get what I mean.

Good luck. This is a cool thing to be thinking about.