Hello everyone. Ever since I have come out my Dysphoria has become stronger, which I hear is not uncommon. Before I came out, and knew what Dysphoria was, I would feel like there was something wrong, but I never knew why. There were times when I felt anxious, knowing there was something wrong but never sure why. Now that I know what is going on, when the Dysphoria comes over me, I feel like I am having a panic attack. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like a wounded animal with danger all around me. I feel like I want to scratch my skin off and I can't stop crying. I have found ways to calm myself down, I have a great friend I talk with, and my teddy bear is a wonderful tool. But I am wondering why it is so intense. Wii it get better once I get used to the feeling, or is it something I will just have to live with? Thankfully, the panic goes away after about a half hour or so, and I am just left feeling wrong, but I am scared that there may be times when it lasts longer. Thank you
The sense of feeling anxious and wrong is sadly the major symptom of dysphoria. We know our body should feel one way, but it's not and feels foreign; we also fear that people don't see us the way we're supposed to be seen which causes the constant uneasiness until a trigger happens. I found that the intensity depends on the dysphorias trigger and your current mood. For example: When I'm mispronouned or dead-named once I feel my dysphoria being triggered slightly, but when someone mispronouns constantly in a group of people I go into a full panic. Same as when someone tries to make me hold a baby and talks about when I'm going to have one. If I'm in a great mood I can somewhat shrug it off, but when I'm depressed going in a dysphoric blow can seem fatal and cripple me. Yoga/meditating really helps in coping with the dysphoria better; but it's one of those things that sadly never fully goes away. There will be days when you will have multiple triggers until a melt down and that's perfectly normal. I'm 5 years in and still want to rip my skin off some days when I look in the mirror. My advice is to try yoga/meditating so you can face anxiety better and come down from the smaller triggers faster and try to avoid the major triggers if possible. You might also want to look into anxiety medication for when you have a severe dysphoric attack (I take Buspirone for mine). If you're having an attack and need others who've been through the hell of dysphoria you can come talk to us to take your mind off of things. *hugs*