I want to try and make this quick but I really need advice for tomorrow :/ So I'm in my last year of high school now and they gave us all these leadership positions, we didn't get to choose them, they chose which they thought would be best for us. I got Student Welfare and a badge which says so, which is basically where they need more guidance counselors but don't want to pay for them so we have to do it instead :eusa_doh: But there's 3 biological males and 4 biological females in my group. When we got the position, they told us we'd have to go to boys' groups or girls' groups. I didn't worry too much because the "or" implied to me that we had choice over which group we wanted to attend. But I guess I was wrong because now I have to attend this girls' group every Thursday. The other boys would go to a boys' group except there is no boys' group...And honestly, it wouldn't bother me too much...except for a few reasons. Well, firstly, it's a very Christian group and that wouldn't bother me either except they're extremely religious and talk about how much God loves us so much. I don't know if God exists, I love the idea of a God who loves everyone but I don't want to hear about it all the time. And they talk about what are generally girls' issues (obviously) like periods, dating boys, makeup, etc. I feel really lonely- it's about 50 girls and none of my friends are there, obviously since it's girls only and my friends aren't allowed into the room There's a glass door and I sit inside watching my friends having fun outside. I just sit there awkwardly until the girls all want me to join in with some games. I really hate playing games at school, with a passion. That sounds bad but 1. I never "get" the games, I don't understand instructions properly and I get confused. 2. I hate being social. 3. I feel depressed a lot and usually don't feel like playing... Some of the other Student Welfare people want us to mentor some of the younger girls. I wouldn't mind being friends with them but how can I teach someone to be a girl when I don't know how? I literally know nothing even though I was raised as a girl. So...how am I supposed to survive this whole thing?
Learn to act really well? It might help if you put on a different persona that's not you at those events...? There's you IRL, and then there's "social welfare worker" you - you on the job. "And they talk about what are generally girls' issues (obviously) like periods, dating boys, makeup, etc" ^Those don't necessarily have to be "girl" things, dude. Have you tried mentally reframing everything? Because everything you listed can be applied to trans guys, gay/bi guys, theatre/performance arts guys (makeup) as well. (Especially since you said you're not particularly social, so you don't even have to say anything aloud, you can just think it.) tldr, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that a method of coping would just be to alter your way of thinking about the entire situation. (And finally, please don't slip up and come out accidentally. You mentioned it was a very christian environment, and I've personally had some transphobic experiences in groups similar to what you're describing.) Stay safe!
Number one - as a transguy that was at one time a socially awkward and closeted trans teenager, let me start off by saying...don't hate on being social. When I was 16, I would gripe about being social and keep to myself quite exclusively, but there's a lot to be said for finding the right kinds of social groups! Over time I joined an experimental garage band and an art group, and once I got to college, I really started forming connections - from small D&D groups to campus LGBT groups. Don't misunderstand me, I'm a quiet person by nature, and I am rather socially awkward, but my point is, it's just about finding the right connections, and you will definitely get there. That said - this group is obviously not one of those right connections. How to get through it? Well... You can skirt your way through with minimal effort and focus. Don't put more time in than you have to. And on that same note, don't make a scene. Don't gripe or act dejected, and don't get snide or snappy with your peers - If you're in the closet, they won't know why you're so bothered by all of this. If you're asked to mentor, pass on the offer. If you're forced to mentor, do a half-assed job. Focus on the fact that this is one, really rather short-lived experience, and it will not last forever. This approach probably won't gain you any friends or enemies, but sometimes, if your heart's not in it, being a ghost is about all you have the energy to do. It's what I did. I agree with lawlight as well - another, probably better approach would be to try mentally reframing the information at this group. Just think about it for yourself, obviously, no need to blurt out "and some boys also have vaginas!" But what I do, in going over "women's issues", is remind myself that they're really "female" issues, and being "female" is not synonymous with being a woman or a girl. I was born female, and I am a guy - anything female health related is, in fact, my business, even if it doesn't cover the extent of my health issues as an FTM individual. It's easy to feel lonely in this kind of situation. Remember - this too shall pass! Glean anything you can use, and when all else fails, there's always daydreaming.
