So, my school drama club is going on a trip to a Shakespeare Festival in a couple of months. It's a weekend thing where we have to stay at a hotel for two nights. The hotel rooms will be divided by gender with probably 4 or five guys or girls to a room. I want to room with the guys, but I'm only out to 4 people at the moment. I would probably be sharing a room with one of those people (my best friend, who is completely accepting and who would totally help me out if people bothered me about it) and the drama club has a ridiculously high number of LGBTQ people, so I don't think it would be a huge issue. I'm just worried because I would have to come out to all of them including our teacher, and while I don't think anyone would care I still have issues with doing it. There are a couple friends I'm not out to yet who I think would be upset that I didn't tell them first, and the more people who know, the more people will find out... And I don't think I'm really ready to be out publicly. Then again, I have a lot of social dysphoria and I really just want to be treated as one of the guys. What do you think I should do? Deal with coming out or suck it up and room with the girls? (It isn't an option not to go on the trip, I really want to and I've already committed and put down a deposit) I actually have another question as well. Should I come out to my dance team? Again, I don't think anyone would really take issue with it, but everyone else on the team (as far as I know) is female and I've only come out to one of them. I don't necessarily feel like I need to, but some of my teammates are in drama club and if I come out there it will get to my team anyway. I have a really good opportunity to do it too, I'm just worried that it will make things awkward. We all change in the same place for performances and competitions, and there are plans being made for team sleepovers and pool parties and stuff.. And there's the same hotel room issue as well when we go to state- Do I room with our (male) manager or the rest of the team? Right now we are all really together- we have a great group dynamic and everyone is genuinely friends with everyone else. I don't want the way they think about me to change, and I'm afraid it might if they know I'm a boy. What do you guys think?
I think (for the first one) you should come out if you are truly comfortable with it and you don't think anyone will give you a hard time about it. Don't force yourself to come out, but it definitely sounds like it would do you some good and lift a weight off your shoulders. If people are upset that you didn't tell them first, then just explain to them that you just were taking it slow and you never found the right time to tell them, but it's nothing personal. Same for the second one - if you think the girls from the drama club will spread it and you'd rather be the one to tell the team, then tell them. It also depends if you're comfortable rooming with one adult male. I don't think the way they think of you would change, however, to be safe, I think you should express that worry to them and remind them that you're still the same exact person inside that they've always known. Best of luck if you do come out <3 btw - bad wolf
If you're not ready to be out publicly then I wouldn't, you can't take it back once youre out and once you tell a group that but it will spread. Make sure you're undoubtedly ready. It took me over 2 years to come out to everyone but it was by far the best thing I did when it happened. If you think you'll be getting a good reaction then maybe it's time, plus dealing with being misgendered and stuff in close proximity with people has got to suck. Just bear in mind it will take people time, a few weeks, possibly months, to get their head around a new name and pronouns so I'd say give them prior warning. Personally I'd recommend a post on fb, comes out to everyone quickly and youre likely to get lots of support there. Plus you find out who does and doesn't support you which can be good. About the dance trip it depends how old you are but if you're a minor then I wouldn't stay with your manager by yourself, things can just get a bit messy with a situation like that. Everyone has to protect themself. Id vote stay with your friends. It's gonna be a lot more fun for you and who cares about gender? You're gonna be sleeping that's it. After a certain age it doesn't even matter the gender of the people you're rooming with, people get over the segregation and that's the way it should be.
Our manager is the same age as us, he's the boyfriend of one of our captains and he's a really nice guy, I wouldn't have an issue rooming with him. For the dance trip it's really more whether my teammates would be comfortable with me staying with them knowing I'm a guy. I agree that it shouldn't really matter, but it's a school function, so... I am not sure if I'm ready to be out or not. The people I generally see on a day to day basis are pretty much all part of at least one art or performance program, and I think very few of them would care. The student body as a whole has had an extremely adverse reaction to transgender kids in the past, though. I wouldn't even consider being fully out if I wasn't in the programs that I'm in and if I wasn't friends with the people I'm friends with. I'll think about that, you both made some good points. Thank you. I do have a lot of social dysphoria and I spend so much time with these people that in the end I'd rather they knew.
