Dressing as a girl/First experience/Tentative

Heya.
So some of you may have read my previous threads here; they're kind of a mess of unprocessed thoughts.
But to put it simply, I recently decided I tentatively identify as genderfluid.
It's a side of myself I'm still exploring and feeling out.

But anyway, I had my first opportunity to crossdress today. (i'm AMAB)

Snuck some of my sister's clothes.
They're very plain and I'm amazed they "fit", but they worked.
Grabbed a dress and leggings last night; wore them with some chelsea boots I own.
It was a mostly stressful experience tho cuz I had to hurry and snap some decent pics before the clothes were missed. xP
This morning tho I woke up early and was able to snag another dress and leggings, this time with a sports bra that fit nicely.
I knew no one else would be up for hours so I was able to wear them relaxed for quite a while.

I loved it. Dresses are great. :3
For the curious you can see a pic here
Beware my hairy mug.

But what I was most curious about was how I'd feel after putting them on.

It was kinda weird
I really didn't feel any different
It just felt like a natural thing
A little less casual-comfy than male clothes,
But otherwise just another article of clothing
I didn't feel strange in them at all

But... What I did feel, was this odd sense of feeling like I made more sense to myself as a person this way...

Even tho I've lived a pretty comfortable male existence, it sent my brain thinking over all the little signs scattered over the years; all the times I fantasized of wanting to be a girl, all the ways I was never quite in-tune with masculine men, all the times I was fixated on women's clothing I'd find, that pink comic book on my shelf I'm oddly proud of, all the times I've been misgendered and secretly laughed and enjoyed it--All the little things you forget or push away.

When I look at the pics I took, all the stuffed animals in my room suddenly seem like they make sense to be there for once
Cuz theres a girl in that room now :v

And my body felt nice; ignoring my masculine bits...
Laying on my bed and draping my arm over my hips... Feeling the leggings stretched tightly over my exposed legs... Putting my hand to my chest femininelike... I could feel myself slipping into this so easily.
It's not uncommon for me to slip into rather feminine movements normally anyway.

And when I was wearing the bra, I couldn't believe how... good and "right" it felt on my body... I loved that. So much.

Maybe it all was nothing, but it felt like maybe--just maybe--I was starting to unlock some mysteries of myself.
Tbh it made me start to wonder if maybe I've been trans all these years, not just genderfluid.

But the feeling didn't last.
Eventually I felt bored of the clothes and wanted my regular stuff back on.
Went back to feeling like my normal guy self for the rest of the day; aside from a few girly moments.
Maybe that was my gender fluidity swing back toward male.
Maybe it was starting to make me feel uncomfortably dysphoric, like I've heard happens to some others when they see their male features standing out like a sore thumb.
Maybe I just wanted to get on with my day.
Idk.

It's just so weird and confusing to feel one thing at one time and not later. :c
I don't like it.

Sigh.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience, and see if anyone has any thoughts to share of if any of you have experienced something similar.

Thankye for reading~

 

Ummm... Bump I guess? ^^;

I guess as genderfluid I'm just gonna have to get used to the feeling of moving between my masculine and feminine sides. I have to accept that I'm not always going to feel the same way I do in one moment as in the next. It's so confusing tho... So much internal conflict. Sometimes I kinda hate it; it feels like I'd rather be one way or the other instead of this flip-flopping... I wish I could just end up finding out I'm trans tbh, heh.

But I guess I have advantages too; you can say I have the privilege of being able to experience both ends to the spectrum to an extent. Tho I dunno how I'll ever really feel feminine in this ape of a body, lol...

Sorry for sounding so negative, it's just been a frustrating couple of days ^^;

ANYWAY, I don't really have a lot more to say at the sec; thanks if you actually read all this nonsense. Any comments are welcome as usual~

 

Go for it!! Ain't nothing stopping ya but yourself :3

Exploring these parts of ourselves can be confusing and discouraging at times, or even scary for some; but if there's any fulfillment to be found for ourselves, it's totally worth the effort!

As you can probly tell from this thread, I've been feeling pretty negative the past few days. But when I got home from work today, I put on some stuff I was able to snag and... I actually felt really nice!! I felt cute, I felt feminine... It was the first time I really truly felt like more than just an ape in a dress; I felt like a woman... It was a great feeling x3 I just kinda wanted to sit there and smile... It was very reaffirming for me.
So, even if it feels rough at times, it doesn't mean it'll stay that way.

There's nothing to lose but the chance of an experience!!

Yup!! Pretty much

Definitely keep exploring!! You never know what you'll find :3

 

No sorries, I totally sympathize!! It's frustrating :x
You think you got it figured out one minute, and then the next you're utterly confused
But at least it's not impossible
Just gotta keep believing it'll make sense again eventually
It ain't so bad as it feels sometimes
And I think I've realized we gotta learn that things don't always have to make perfect sense anyway.
There, that's my rant :v

Hope you feel better soon!!