Definition for anyone that doesn't know: Living as the gender you identify as without people knowing you were assigned differently at birth. I've been stealth for about 11 months now where people that didn't know me pre-coming out don't know I'm trans. In some situations it's great, like at work, but others like when I become close friends with people I sometimes get the urge to tell them I'm trans. I know I cant if I want to stay stealth in all other aspects of my life though because somehow it's going to spread. Does anyone else have experiences with being stealth or a preference of being out as trans or keeping it to yourself? Pros and cons? Just want someone elses opinion on it.
Outside of here and a few sites, I'm almost completely stealth, and I'm very selective with who I come out to. With one of my blogs, I'm fairly open about being trans. With my horror blog, I'm closed off about it and I only leave hints here and there that I'm queer; with at least two of my close followers there knowing I'm trans, and being vocal about their love and support. At this point, I only open up about it if I feel it's necessary or I trust the person. I mostly keep that tidbit of information to myself, especially with the times we're in and how I don't want it to potentially jeopardize my career as a writer and aspiring filmmaker. It probably won't have any negative consequences, but I've heard about the shit Clive Barker got when he came out as gay in the 90s, and the last thing I need to put up with are homophobic or transphobic hate mail. With the pros, I don't have to question my safety that much. I have it lucky to be a "cis passing man", though I look like a 15 year old boy, and I'm white passing--so I won't have to put up with nearly as much shit as someone who is a person of color and very gender non-conforming. As far as cons go, the only thing I could think of is that I'm conforming to something I didn't like when I was a young, closeted trans kid when I was in high school; and it was that there's less diversity or representation in my passion career. I told myself if I got to a better place, I'd love to inspire trans kids to go chase their dreams as artists--especially the ones who are like me and have always been weird. Being stealth means I can't do that, and I can only show my representation as an "ally"; which would garner a lot of potentially negative comments from people who will insist I'm speaking over my own community. Being stealth is a double edged sword, and it sucks that we need to choose between our safety and represent a targeted minority group in any way we can.
I feel like I'm in an awkward phase in my life - I don't pass very often (almost never) now and I don't know if being out as trans will have any kind of negative impact on my aspiring career as a writer, filmmaker, and photographer (I'm not even a little open about it on my Instagram), but I've started a blog and I want to write and make things about gender related topics and maybe inspire other trans artists (like Adam said). So I just don't know what to do. I've already got friends and family telling people who meet me things like "she wants to be a boy now" or "he's a boy but I knew him as a girl", so even if I tried to be stealth it would probably end the moment someone met a friend or family member.
I do strongly prefer to keep it to myself. But contrary to you, I have no desire to tell people. Blame it on dysphoria, you never know. But probably even after transition I would feel dysphoric. Also what I find a great disadvantage is that (at least in my area) you're a representative for your minority. Arab dude at my school was constantly asked about islam. Funny thing, That guy is an atheist. Another ex-classmate was bi. Gay adoption here, gay adoption there. Me dropping some clever shit? Congrats to myself, I became the diplomat for planet nerd. As a pro, all I heard was people desired to do it. As if they were carrying a secret around. So if they're really close friends and you don't want to spread it just tell them to please never ever mention it. Beware of attention seeking girls though, you tell em it's a secret you might as well announce it in the news.
