As of this week, I've come to the conclusion that my social life and skills are a hot mess. I've noticed that I'm feeling so disconnected from everybody. When I try to socialize, it feels like there's a broken circuit somewhere and I'm just incapable without being able to explain why. My friends exhaust me. I love them, but people in general are exhausting. It gets trickier when gender is involved. My closest friends are all girls, but I feel even more of a disconnect because I feel masculine and "different," no matter how well we get along. I can't express specifically why it's uncomfortable, but I don't think it's anything outside of my gender issues. I feel guilty because gender seems like a stupid thing to screw up friendships over. It seems I feel better around my guy friends, except that I'm not as close with them because I'm not out to anyone as trans and some people think girls being friends with boys is seen as inherently romantic. Ugh. I feel like I can't talk to anyone because emotional stuff is uncomfortable for me with female friends, but I'm not good enough friends with the guys to open up to them. Even if I came out, I don't know if they'd accept me as "one of them." I'm afraid of being stranded without any of my friends if I ever came out. I need some hope that someday I'll function normally around other people. I want to desperately, but I hate socializing and can't help it. I feel like there is something wrong with me.
You don't have to come out to the guys for them to accept you as "one of them". Just do the same things, join. I did it throughout later high school all the time, and it worked. Do sports, talk about tech, science, politics, play games, or whatever the boys do...
